Sunday Is A Funday

Hey, even WE can't do politics alla time, OK? Or else we'd go stark raving bonkers and start slapping random people unconscious. "Do you watch Fox News? (slap!) Well, DO YOU? (slap!) Wut? (slap!) Wut's that you say? (slap!) You DO? (slap!) Really? (slap!) You little ... "

Enough of that fantasy. So it's a beautiful sunny day, the birds are singing their little fecking heads off, the garden is coming into bloom in a scraggly sort of way (didn't plant anything for the spring), and the wisteria is a fragrant purple cloud on the porch. Lemons are blooming, too. The echium is making the bees drowsy, and I can see the Naked Ladies preparing themselves for bloom season. Daffodils and hyacinths didn't bloom much this year. It wasn't much of a spring at all. But we did have a perfect cloud of plum blossom in the brief dry blue days (for two whole days). And the solanum jasminoides put forth starry purple flowers with golden hearts, and our veronica (a beautiful bluish-purple shade, you might know it as speedwell) spread forth, prostrate, to intertwine with the pink puffballs I got from Cris's garden so many years ago. Pineapple sage is blooming scarlet, but the hummingbirds like the sugar-water we left them. An enormous ruffled burgundy blossom on the little camellia near Faridah's grave. The pink and white camellia in the back, which burned to the ground in the big fire 20 years ago, is back, taller than me and bursting with bloom. A perfect companion to the climbing Cecile Brunner with its dainty pink and white fragrant flowers.

Tomatoes are out getting acclimated. We have two eggplant plants this year. I must put in squash, and work on the bed downstairs. A gardener's work is never done, have you noticed? Every weekend it's several hours of weeding and watering, and digging and sieving and digging in compost, picking off pests, foliar spray, calcium for the 'maties ... and we're just piddly-ass home gardeners, not even trying to feed a family on our produce.

Little worried about tomatoes this year. A chilly wind's been blowing every day, or at least every night, it's one of the cooler spring seasons and experts predict a cool summer overall. Well, tomatoes will not set fruit at anything under 55F, not even those tough Russian heirlooms. Plus, the cold seems to make their skins thicker. OK, they're loaded with anthocyanins and flavour, but still. Tomato skin is what gets stuck in your gullet and it itches and makes you cough, and our ancient pipes are delicate, goddammit, especially after 50 years of fucking smoking our lungs out.

We've got some new varieties to play with this year, better adapted to our microclimate. We did well two or three years ago, with up to 150 fruit per plant, Black Krim, Black from Tula, Black Sea Man, Japanese Black Trifele, Cherokee Purple, a couple of Swedish varieties (early, haha, they didn't set fruit till all the others did). The Brandywines didn't fruit at all, we've given up on those.

Happy gardening, y'all!

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Eat, Eat, My Child!

My favourite way of cooking salmon. You can pick at it for hours.

Face it, it is just TOO FUCKING HOT to cook a hella lot. Salads and roast beast is the rule at Casa de Los Gatos this summer. Last summer it was cool and rainy and we ate stews and tasty curries throughout. This year, I'd rather die than broil my tits over a hot stove. Tough luck, housemates.

So, salmon. Nature's bounty. I never did like fish, but I have to eat it for health reasons, so my whole life has been spent in an effort to make the fucking thing palatable, OK? So, try it. Nu? What can you lose?

1-2 lb salmon filet	1 bunch lemon thyme
2 medium shallots	1 bunch chives
2 lemons	1 handful lemon verbena leaves (optional)
salt to taste	white pepper to taste
handful of flat Italian parsley

This is so easy, it's ridiculous. It's mostly prep, and takes 40 minutes max. Even YOUR Lazy Ass can do it, so get right on it.

What you WILL need, however, is a Cuisinart food processor. I've had mine for over 20 years, and in this house, EVERYTHING is made from scratch, so you know that poor fucker gets a hella lot of use. So break down and get yourself one, it'll pay you back a thousandfold.

Wash the herbs and strip all the leaves off. Dry them on a paper towel.

Peel the lemons carefully (use a zester, if you have one, otherwise a vegetable peeler is fine. Just avoid the thick white pith, which is very bitter), and set half the peel aside in the freezer.

Roughly chop half the chives, the remaining lemon peel, and the shallots, and put in the food processor with the remaining herbs, 2 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil (preferably one with a green and fruity aroma), and half the lemon juice. Blend to a smooth paste, adding more lemon juice and olive oil as needed. If using lemongrass, cut into thirds, then halve lengthwise, and make a bed of the lemongrass halves for the fish. Slice or snip the remaining chives for garnish.

Place the fish skin-side down in a greased nonreactive (glass or ceramic) baking dish. Add salt and pepper and rub into the fish. Scrape the herb paste onto the fish and pat it into a smooth layer.

Heat the oven to 250 and roast the fish for 20-35 minutes. (Roasting time depends on the thickness of your filet and the efficiency of your stove.) The salmon retains its rich red raw colour, so use a fork to test for doneness. The fish is done when a cream-colored layer of fat is deposited below the skin, and the flesh flakes easily.

The tenderness of the fish has to be experienced to be believed. Go, try it, you'll be glad you did.

At La Casa, this is usually served with brown rice and a salad of baby carrots, butter and romaine lettuces, halved cherry tomatoes, diced red and yellow peppers, cucumbers and avocado. Because it's too fucking hot to cook.

Works fine with tender greens lightly sauteed in butter or olive oil, with, say, pine nuts and crushed red pepper.

Hot Cross Buns, like you didn't know

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Spicy Fish Noodle Soup

This recipe is my adaptation of the famous national dish of Burma, mohinga. I am not so shameless as to call my recipe "Burmese-inspired," or "Asian inspired." This is some plain good eating, spicy-hot, made with foods that are available and seasonal, and it's kind of like mohinga.

This dish takes less time to cook than to prep. Just a few notes from the cook:

1. If at all possible, buy your spices whole, and roast and grind them at home. The difference in freshness is enormous.
2. Use a small coffee-grinder to grind your spices. Do not use it for anything else.
3. Dry-roast spices before grinding in a flat-bottomed skillet, preferably cast-iron.
4. Catfish is the preferred fish for this recipe, but any firm white fish will do.
5. You can use bean threads, rice sticks, or Chinese wheat noodles. If you can't find any of those, use any kind of pasta, preferably spaghetti.

Ingredients:

1 lb catfish filets	1 lb large prawns with shell
2 large yellow onions	2-4 large cloves garlic
10-20 hot Thai chilies to taste	1 can coconut milk
1 2" piece ginger	white pepper to taste
salt to taste	2 Tbsp coriander seed
2 Tbsp fennel seed	1 Tbsp cumin seed
2 Tbsp hot red chili powder	1 tsp turmeric
1 Tbsp blachan	1 quart chicken or fish stock
2-3 small zucchinis or pattypan squash, ~1 lb	4 oz asparagus beans or any other robust green bean
4 oz snow peas	4 oz arugula or bok choy or any other leafy green
4 Tbsp oil, preferably peanut oil	Optional: raw baby greens

Pour the stock into a saucepan or stockpot, and place on a back burner on a low flame. Keep this simmering till everything is cooked and assembled.

Peel and devein the shrimp, saving the shells. Toss shrimps with white pepper and salt to taste. Halve onions lengthwise, then slice into thin lengthwise slices. Peel the ginger thoroughly (the peel imparts a bitter taste), slice three 1/4" coins from it lengthwise, and toss them into the stock to infuse. Mince the remaining ginger fine. Mince the garlic. Thinly slice the chillies. Put some in the stock and place the remainder on the table to serve with dinner. Dice the squash about 1/2". Slice the beans and remaining vegetables into 1" pieces. Cut the fish into 1" pieces.

Heat a skillet and dry roast the coriander seed, stirring gently. Add fennel seed, stir till it begins to change colour, add cumin seed, stir, and when the cumin releases its distinctive fragrance, turn off and set aside to cool. When cool, grind to a powder.

Pour half the spice powder on the fish, add half the turmeric and chili, and salt to taste and toss gently till the fish is coated with the spices.

Heat 1 Tbsp. oil in a medium sized skillet, over medium heat. When the oil is shimmering gently, add 1 tsp of the garlic, stir till golden brown, add shrimp shells, stir till pink, then add up to 2 cups water. Turn the heat down if necessary and let cook, stirring occasionally and adding water, until the water is cooked down to about 3/4 cup. Strain into the stock pot and toss the shells.

Heat 1 Tbsp of the remaining oil in the same skillet till shimmering. Add the remaining garlic, stir gently, add 1 tsp of the chopped ginger, stir, then add the prawns. Stir till pink, then add snow peas, leafy greens, salt to taste, stir and remove from heat. The residual heat and the heat of the stock will cook the vegetables to doneness.

Heat the remaining oil in a large saucepan or skillet. Add the onions and stir till browned. Add remaining ginger, stir, add blachan and any remaining spice powders and OPEN THE WINDOWS AND TURN ON THE VENTILATORS! Spoon off about 6 Tbsp of the coconut milk into the pan and stir, lowering the heat if needed. You should have a thin sauce. If not, add more coconut milk, stock from the simmering stock pot on the back burner, and a little water if needed. Add squash and beans and cook for about five minutes or until almost done, adding liquid as needed. Add the fish and let cook for a minute or two, then stir gently. Add more stock as needed to keep from sticking. Add any remaining coconut milk to the stock pot and stir well.

Cook the noodles as directed on the package. Assemble bowls for individual diners, placing raw greens, if using, at the bottom of each bowl, where they will be cooked by the heat of the cooked ingredients. Top with cooked prawns, followed by noodles, followed by fish curry. Pour boiling stock into each bowl and garnish with desired herbs and extra chillies!

Traditionally, mohinga is eaten with fried stuff like chickpea fritters, and eu char kway, the Chinese fried bread, deep-fried shallots, hard-boiled eggs — all those things your doctor tells you you shouldn't be eating. This is why I adapted the recipe.

So? Make and eat shamelessly, only, na?

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Frankenfood

ICHC

If you've ever worried about corporations putting weird stuff in your food, and who hasn't — or about how the media disinforms and misinforms consumers in our endless battle to ensure that we're not being used as guinea pigs to help corporations like Monsanto make megabucks off our bodies and our lives, look no further than this site for information on one of the leading offenders.

Yeah, you say, sure. Well, I don't watch Faux Noise. But I'll bet you have friends, relatives, neighbours who do, and when you're out there trying to convince your fellow citizens that they should get informed about this issue and stop feeding their children, or themselves, shit that will kill them, well. See, the link up there (like the video below) tells you how Fox News basically won a ruling from an appellate court that says they're free to lie or distort the truth, fire journalists who try to tell the truth, sue them for trying to tell the truth, and win.

Here are the journalists, in their own words.



Srsly, folks. This is beyond disgusting. We already know corporations have no problem killing us all to make a few dollars more of profit. Just look at what BP has done to the Gulf Coast. The tourist industry, the fishing industry, the beautiful beaches, the living things all along that coast are dying or dead. And BP says oil could continue to gush from that undersea volcano till December this year.

So do your friends, relatives, and neighbours a favour, and tell them to watch the video clip and read a few of these articles. They need to know what is in their food supply and we all need to work together to make sure it's clean. I really don't want trout genes in my tomatoes, thanks. And I don't want Monsanto charging poor farmers for seed.

oldamericancentury.org

Fuck you, Monsanto, can't you leave our goddamn food alone, you bastards? You already own everything and everyone else, body and soul, motherfucking asshole dipshits.

To do something about these outrageous developments, click here. The link takes you to the Center for Food Safety site, which is publicizing a letter being circulated in the Senate and the House by Senator Pat Leahy and Rep. DeFazio, asking the USDA to maintain the ban on genetically engineered alfalfa. Everytime you or your kid get a sandwich outside the house, chances are there will be alfalfa sprouts on it. Well, we don't need singing sprouts for fuck's sake. No new laws need be passed, the Center (and these two worthy Congresscritters) just want the USDA to maintain the existing policies.

More action to take: Let's stop the Enviropig while we're about it. Do you really want to eat swine that have been engineered to include mouse genes? Probably not. Go here to keep teh Enviropig off the market.

Christ, what the fuck next?

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Food, Health, and Acid/Alkaline Balance

My esteemed colleague, PolCat, blogs so frequently about food and health. PolCat, thank you.

Here are two of her most recent food blogs:
Food
Food II

I'd like to add some information to her encouragement about eating vegetables and fruit. It's also important to have a balance of acidic and alkaline foods.

Recently, I have been suffering from heartburn mostly ... with some reflux. This health problem doesn't just affect your stomach. It really can become a systemic problem: your throat burns, you can develop a cough, it can affect the health of your lungs. It can make you feel really lousy ... it really drains you of energy and takes away your joie de vivre.

If your body is out of balance because you are eating too many foods that are acidic, your body can become sick in many ways. Some people believe that it can lead to cancer if your body is badly out of balance for a long period of time. But you can become smarter about what foods you eat by checking the Acid/Alkaline Food Chart posted by Google.

I looked at the chart and realized that so much of the food that I'm drawn to is acidic. Dang! Plus, lately, I've been drinking too many cappuccinos -- which is one of the highly acidic foods. I do like/love many of the foods in the Alkaline column too. So, I'm going to really try to balance it all out. And I intend to drink a cappuccino ... just every once in a while.

Enjoy eating again. Enjoy the right foods!

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Food! Part II

Five servings of vegetables and fruits means five of each, childrens! What, you will ask, is a serving. Good question. No one seems to know. However, eating five different fruits per day is a good start.

Most Americans are reasonable about eating fruit. It's their vegetables they have problems with. My theory? They don't know how to cook the goddamn things. No, srsly. Because left to themselves, most Americans will happily eat that stuff raw.

No, no, no. Raw veges are good for you, but cooked veges are good, too. And you can't eat *every*thing raw, yaknow? I've had too many people try to feed me raw cauliflower and broccoli. You know, don't you, that cooking that stuff rids it of some of the compounds that make your stomach hurt?

I'd throw in a few fart jokes at this point, being a coarse type, but these recipes are really appreciated by teh ladees, who do not care for coarse behaviour. But srsly. Most vegetables have adapted to defend themselves against those who want to eat them by having some unpleasant compounds that can cause various problems. Cooking them (well and sensibly) reduces these compounds and makes it possible to eat them safely with maximum health benefits.

For example, dried red beans should be soaked for at least eight hours before you try to cook them because they contain a compound called phytohemagglutanin, which can disrupt cell metabolism. Soaking and cooking the little suckers renders them harmless. Cooking bell peppers till they're soft also removes their propensity to make you burp while simultaneously ripping your stomach out through your ear. Finally, we're not ruminants, goddammit. We only have the one stomach to digest our food with, and it does not care for the brassica family in teh raw form.

Therefore, a wonderful broccoli recipe.

Broccoli Sauteed with Pine Nuts

2 bunches broccoli
4 Tablespoons pine nuts
2 Tablespoons olive oil
1 sweet onion (optional)

Wash the broccoli and trim into bite-size florets and cut the stalks into fine dice (excepting the woody parts which should be discarded). If using onion, peel and thinly slice lengthwise into "angel wings."

Heat olive oil in a skillet till hot, but not smoking. (If using onion, add now and let cook till golden brown and fragrant.) Toast pine nuts, stirring constantly, until golden brown. Add broccoli stems, stir, and cover for about five minutes at low heat. Add florets, stir, add a splash of chicken stock or white wine to keep from sticking, if needed, and cover for about five minutes more. Serve sprinkled with fresh chopped herbs from the garden.

Voila! Tasty, fresh, nutritious, bright-green vegetables that don't require melted Velveeta to be edible.


Sauted Cabbage with Aniseed

1 medium cabbage
2 Tablespoons vegetable oil
1 Tablespoon ginger
2 teaspoons aniseed
salt and pepper to taste

Core and halve cabbage and shred fine. Peel ginger and mince.

Heat oil in a skillet till hot and shimmering. Add aniseed, stir for 1 minute, add cabbage, stir till wilted and well-coated with oil. Cover and let cook over low heat for approximately 5 minutes. Remove lid, stir, add water or chicken stock to prevent sticking and burning. Season with salt and pepper to taste, cover, and turn off the heat.

Ginger is a digestive aid, as is aniseed. Herbs, spices, flavoured oils and the like go a long way to making vegetables taste delicious. These two recipes are dry sautees. If you like your vegetables with a little sauce, try cooking them the Asian way.




Stir-fried Bok Choy

2 bunches bok choy
1 Tablespoon light (or thin) soy sauce
1 Teaspoon cornstarch
3 Tablespoons chicken stock
2 teaspoons ginger
2-3 cloves garlic
2 teaspoons dried preserved black beans
2 Tablespoons vegetable oil

Cook's notes: Dried preserved black beans used in Asian cooking are not the same as the black or turtle beans used in South American cooking. The Asian black beans are fermented and OOH, they smell funky! You can substitute Lee Kum Kee black bean sauce or black bean paste for these. I prefer to buy the whole beans in a bag at the local Chinese market because there's nothing in them but beans and salt. Lee Kum Kee products are made in Singapore and Malaysia, and generally higher food quality standards are enforced there, but still.

You can substitute almost any choy for this recipe (except the triangular-leafed "water-spinach," which requires different treatment).


Soak black beans in hot water to cover for 20 minutes. Strain and mince fine.

Finely mince garlic and ginger. Mix soy sauce, chicken stock, and cornstarch well.

Cut the choy. The stalks should be in one-inch pieces and the leaves should be quartered lengthwise, then shredded fine.

Heat a wok till smoking hot, then add oil. Swirl it around the wok so it coats all sides. When the oil is smoking, add ginger, black beans, and garlic and stir for a minute or two till fragrant. If you like hot food, now is the time to add a little crushed red chilli. Add vegetables, stir to coat thoroughly, then cover for about five minutes. Stir again, add cornstarch mixture. When the cornstarch mixture is bubbling, remove from heat and serve.

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Health: Meat Recall

Dammit! Be careful out there, people. Huffpo informs us that Valley Meats LLC of Coal Valley, Illinois, is recalling 96,000 lb of meat that might have been contaminated with E. coli. Some people have already fallen ill. Here's the pertinent info:

The USDA said the beef was produced in March and distributed in 10-pound to 40-pound packages, sold under brand names including Grillmaster, J&B, Thick 'N Savory, 3S, Klub and Ultimate.

All of the recalled beef products bear the establishment number "EST. 5712" inside the USDA's inspection mark.

Consumers with questions can contact the company at 309-799-7341.

Careful handling does not diminish the risk of E. coli, which, as I've said before, has many unpleasant consequences. Little kids and the elderly are most at risk.

How do you avoid E. coli? No more factory farms would be one good way. Better slaughterhouse procedures. Unfortunately, Americans are addicted to meat, which means we're probably not getting rid of factory farming any time soon. The only way to protect yourself, really, is to buy from trusted butchers rather than Mall*Wart, or other big corporations who buy the cheapest crap and don't bother inspecting or certifying their suppliers. Buy organic, if you can. Eat less red meat, and less meat all around. Between 1 and 2 pounds of beef can make twelve meals, when properly augmented with vegetables.

Some cities worldwide are announcing "meatless days" in an effort to control both the spread of food-borne diseases (including those incidentally related to food, such as Creutzfeld-Jacob Syndrome (a brain-wasting disease), diabetes (linked to obesity), and heart damage) and the negative impact on the planet of eating meat in quantity. Some people are going vegan or vegetarian, a healthy alternative indeed. We each need to do what we can to ensure that our food supply is clean and healthy and doesn't make the planet we live on unlivable.

I'll never give up steak completely, but I don't currently eat it more than six times a year or fewer. Certainly, I don't want to die because of my love for steak - or even have lingering bouts of the nasties.

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How To Avoid Hairy Jello

And other nuggets of wisdom, culinary and otherwise.

ICHC

Didja know that hospital food is, like, the worst shit in the world? Srsly. I have no idea what they put in that stuff, but I'm thinkin' something along the lines of recycled intestinal tissue from recent surgery. It even smells bad. Like, from a mile away.

So, if you're scheduled to get schlepped into the old Bone Pit for any reason, for mercy's sake, prepare.

Put these on your list of Things To Do Before Surgery.

1. Laundry.
   
   There's nothing worse than coming home to the funky aroma of unwashed clothes, and if yo' mama didn't tell you yet, when that shit sits around in the house waiting for you to return from the Bone Pit, it miasmates (yeah, I made that word up, so what?) more richly as the days go by to produce a brew like Hell's own armpit.
   
   Yes, I did my fuckin' laundry. I'm speaking from past experience and a wild and wicked yoof.
   
   
2. Tidy up.
   
   You're going to be fuckin' frail when you get home. Srsly. They drain out your body juices and put staples and stitches and god knows what other shite in your hoomin bits. So pick up all the books and papers and what-all lying around on the floor because if it's there to trip on you WILL by gum trip on it or step on it or fall over it and hurt yourself something sucky.
   
   If you can sort the crap out and put it away, yay. If not, feck it. Put it in a large brown paper bag or a box somewhere and hide it where you won't step on it. You'll have plenty of time to take care of it as you S-L-O-W-L-Y recover from your erstwhile damage.
   
   
3. Cook plenty of nutritious, freezable meals and stick them in 1-gallon containers and freeze them.
   
   I'm not kidding about this one. Hospital food is SO the shits you'll sell your liver and your entire family for decent food by the time you come back. Your tastebuds are totally off because of the drugs (you'll know you're on the road to recovery when the hospital food actually starts tasting edible). I don't know what kind of eejits hospitals employ as nutritionists and dietitians, but most of them seem to belong to the school of "more is better." Salt, fat, calories, human hair, whatever. Stay away from everything except water, juice, fruit, salad, and clear broth if they'll let you have it.
   
   Over the next few weeks, I'm going to post recipes of nutritious, easy, freezable food. High protein content, low work ratio. Nothing like a hearty beef steak soup with tender chunks of browned meat, celery, carrots, garlic, tomatoes, and rice to keep you happy after much slicing and dicing of the old bod.
   
   
4. Clean out the fridge.
   
   Srsly. Anything that can't get et before you go to teh Bone Pit ain't gonna get et till you've been home a while. If it can stay in the freezer, fine, but really, you're better off giving it to friends and family and saving the freezer for your Real People Food for recuperation. In the meantime, give the rest away and clean out the fridge. That's how you avoid hairy jello.

For the nonce, please stay away from bubbling-hot liquids of any variety, whether it be tea, coffee, or soup, eh? Everything's bad for you, except for what kills you, yaknow.

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Caturday!

ICHC

That's right, folks, it's that time of week again. Enough with the politics, it's the weekend and despite more medical and legal appointments in the coming week, we're determined to have a good time at La Casa de Los Gatos. Of course, the majority of the inhabitants define "a good time" as "Continuous Napping Interrupted by Brief Sorties Upon Teh Kibble or Teh Litterbox," but hey. There's a daisy chain of three snoring cats (I know. Who ever thought cats snored? But they do. Tiny little wheezes. Gzzzz-blort.) at the foot of the bed, and the Bandicoot is spooning Gustav at my elbow upon what used to be Gojira's Pillow.

I plan to make them watch a good movie tonight. They assure me that they can watch with their eyes shut. Apparently, their ears are alternate viewing stations.

It's a grim, grimy, gray day here up on the hill and the fog is enveloping the old homestead. A thick cloud of fog, and one can hardly see the hills beyond, where a new raptor has made a nest high in a pine. I want to put out food for the squirrels, but my neighbour's not too thrilled with the idea, mainly because they do damage to her edible garden. Ah, well-a-day, what looks had I, both from old and young!

Perhaps today, I'll make soup! Kitties have very sharp hearing, and one way to get those lazy fuckers out of bed is to vacuum (Flee! Flee! or FLEA, as the case may be). The other is to make soup, and turn on the ventilator fan for the stove. Out they'll go, as quick as can be, and won't return till The Damned Thing has been shut off.

I ought to be a better human. I ought not to cast them out in the cold and the damp. Goodness knows, Bandicoot has a cold (again! He's allergic to his litter!), and Gustav has feline herpes (it causes tearing, which can then lead to bacterial infection). And Gojira, for a purported Russian Blue, is terribly allergic to cold and wet weather. The lady doth protest too much, methinks. It's more a case of being the only girl cat in a rambunctious household full of boy cats, who are very dirty and grubby, as a rule. She has Standards to Uphold. Which require constant licking, cleaning, and grooming. And she's not about to get her fine, princessly pink tongue all filthy from grooming mud out of her precious coat.

But there you are. I am not a better human, just an injured, handicapped human who wants to get the house clean (no mean feat when you can't get up and down steps easily). And I want them, and all those charming little balls of cat fur, OUT of the house. At least until I'm done cleaning, when they'll just rush in with muddy feet, covered from head to foot with pine needles, bugs, plant detritus, the occasional redwood cone, mud, bog, stench, and loose sand, and make me new Knittin' Kittens all over again. Cats are clean, someone said. I'd like to see that twit come visit with this lot.

Bandicute

We once had to cut dessicated baby slugs out of Bandicoot's ample bellyful of white dreadlocks. He likes to lie in the mud and lure the poor little things in, doubtless with promises of moist warmth. Then he promptly transfers himself to a warmer drier surface and the poor little slugs, wrapped around with furry white tendrils, asphyxiate, or suffocate, or dessicate, or whatever it is slugs do, and it's time for gloves, scissors, towels, and restraints.

Have I mentioned he doesn't like having his fur trimmed? Have I mentioned he weighs nearly 20 lb? Have I mentioned that he's as strong as an ox? Or stronger than me, anyway. And he kicks like a mule. And we can't trim his nails because he depends on them to climb trees and deface the redwood deck, two of the great joys of his life. Also to gouge from my body quantities of skin, hair, and subcutaneous cells, leaving bleeding tracks in his wake.

Nevertheless, soup it is. One with chicken and chorizo and potatoes; one Alubias de Tolosa, even though I don't really have the right kind of beans (hey, I'm sorry, I'm so not paying $5/lb for beans, unless they're gold-plated). Simmering, home-made stock, turnips, rutabagas, parsnips, peppers, celery, carrots, onions, garlic, and here and there a little pinch of herbs and spices and hot chilli peppers to warm the innards. Depression food. Coldweather food. Bon appetit, all, and a wonderful weekend.

And here, for your enjoyment, a little kitteh who can tell you all about teh food.



Om, nom, nom, nom, nom.

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Food: Chicken in Orange Juice with Couscous

Time for some Middle Eastern food because it's good, warming, fragrant, spicy, and very tasty, all of which we need this winter as we cleanse the remnants of evil right out of our house and planet.

This recipe is utterly delicious. It's Lebanese, I believe, but I tweaked it quite a bit for health and to reduce the cloying sweetness of the original recipe.

2 small (or 1 large) yellow onion (approx. 12 oz)
3 small cloves garlic
2 cups cooked chickpeas
1/4 cup golden raisins
6 oranges
1/2 cup dried apricots
2 tsp Baharat *
3 allspice berries
Black pepper and salt to taste
1 chicken cut in 12-16 pieces
1 Tbsp fish sauce
2 Tbsp sweet Hungarian paprika
2 Tbsp olive oil
2 tsp. pomegranate molasses or unsweetened pomegranate juice

Chop the onions. Mince the garlic fine. Halve the apricots. Zest and juice the oranges. Pour enough of the orange juice over the raisins to cover and set aside for about 20 minutes. Thinly slice the zest from 1/2 an orange. Toast the allspice berries in a skillet till lightly browned. When cool, grind to a powder.

In a large bowl, combine the remaining orange juice with the fish sauce, pomegranate molasses or juice, baharat. Add chickpeas and apricots and let stand while you prepare the remaining ingredients.

Rinse chicken and pat dry. Toss with salt, pepper, garlic, allspice powder, and paprika. Heat the oil and fry the chicken in batches, ~3 minutes each side. Drain on paper towels. Add onion to the oil (not to exceed 2 Tbsp, so pour off any extra fat), and cook over medium heat, stirring gently, till golden. Return chicken to the pan with all remaining ingredients and simmer at medium heat until the chicken is cooked through and very moist. If the sauce is thin, remove the chicken from the skillet and set aside while you cook down the sauce. Re-add the chicken, just heat through, and serve with 7-vegetable Couscous. Recipe follows.

Cook's Notes:

• You need roughly 6 heavy juicy oranges for 1.5 cups of juice.
• You can zest the oranges with a zester or a vegetable peeler.
• If you use a vegetable peeler, be careful to only remove the orange skin, not any of the white, fibrous part underneath. The white part is extremely bitter.
• Zest may be wrapped in clean Saranwrap and stored in the freezer.
• Although you can use canned chickpeas, dried chickpeas are much more nutritious. Soak them overnight and cook at a very low heat without salt for about 2 hours.
• * Baharat is available from Middle-Eastern grocery stores or online from Zamouri Spices.

7-Vegetable Couscous

3 Tbsp olive oil
2 large leeks
4 large cloves garlic
1/2 cup raisins
1-2 cups peeled butternut squash
1 rutabaga or turnip
1 bulb fennel
2-3 carrots
1-2 cups peeled plum tomatoes
1 cup frozen peas
1/2 cup cilantro
1.5 cups couscous (10 oz)
2.5 cups chicken stock
1 tsp ground ginger
1-3 tsp cayenne pepper
2-3 tsp Seven Spice Mix *
3 dried red chillies
1 Tbsp rose petals *

Cut off the green part of the leeks and soak the rest to remove any dirt. Rinse and mince fine. Chop garlic. Thaw frozen peas. Cube the remaining vegetables in 1/2" chunks. Seed and dice the tomatoes, and coarsely chop the cilantro. Soak the raisins in a little sherry or other flavourful liquid. Snip the tops off the dried chillies and remove the seeds if you don't like too much heat. Grind rose petals to a fine powder in a coffee grinder.

Heat the oil in a large Dutch oven over low heat. When hot (but not smoking), add leeks and garlic. Cover and cook for about 10 minutes, stiring occasionally. The leeks should be very tender, but not browned. Add the stock, all the veges (except tomatoes, peas, and cilantro), salt, pepper, dried chillies, and bring to a boil uncovered over medium high heat. Reduce heat to medium, cover, and simmer about 8 minutes until vegetables are crisp-tender. Add tomatoes, peas, cilantro, remaining spices, ground rose petals, and couscous, remove from heat and let stand about 10 minutes or until all the liquid has been absorbed. Fluff with a fork and serve.

Cook's notes:

• Rose petals and 7-Spice Mix are available from Zamouri's spices, see previous recipe.
• In summer, substitute summer squashes and vegetables for the winter veges in this recipe.
• You can use canned tomatoes.
• Grind spices in a coffee-grinder that you reserve for spices only. The mixture of coffee oils and spice oils could have unpleasant consequences.
• I find that I sometimes need to add more liquid than called for in this recipe. If you find the couscous a little dry and sticky add BOILING chicken stock or water ONLY in small amounts. Do not add cold liquid.
• Use Moghrabieh (Lebanese couscous) for best results. It is larger and irregular. If you cannot find Moghrabieh, use Israeli couscous.
• Use Dundicut or Tientsin dried red chillies for the best results. Both available at Penzey's.

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Food: Brussels Sprouts

For people who hate them. No, really. I successfully converted my partner who's always hated brussels sprouts with a recipe like this:


Brussels Sprouts with Caramelized Onions
1 lb Brussels sprouts
1 large yellow or white onion
1/2 cup chicken stock
1/4 cup white wine
2 Tbsp good olive oil or any vegetable oil
salt and pepper to taste

Wash sprouts, removing any browned or yellowing leaves. Cut them in quarters, toss with a pinch of salt, and set aside. Peel the onion, cut in half, then cut into "angel's wings," slicing from top end to root end in thin slices.

In a skillet large enough to hold all the sprouts, AND with a lid, heat the oil. When almost smoking, toss in the onions, stir till coated with oil, then cover and turn the heat down to medium and cook for about fifteen minutes, stirring occasionally. When the onions have turned a rich, dark color add salt and pepper to taste, and the wine. Scrape up any stuck bits, add the brussels sprouts, stir to coat, and add the chicken stock. Cover and cook for a few minutes till the sprouts are mostly cooked (stick a fork in them to check). Uncover and cook for a few minutes till the juices are reduced.

Cook's notes:

• If the onions begin sticking to the pan, moisten them with a little wine.

• Don't use a nonstick pan; any metal saute pan or skillet is preferable.

• Don't use extra-virgin olive oil, it has too low of a smoking point and the heat destroys most of its anticarcinogenic nutrients. Any good olive oil, vege oil, or canola oil is fine. Corn oil, on the other hand, is not.

The sweetness of the onions balances the bitterness of the sprouts very well. Only a tiny quantity of salt is needed to bring out the flavours.

Enjoy!

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Food

Recently we encouraged Bri to come visit armed with Chicago-style deep-dish pizza from our favourite pizza place. They have a number called "Teh Good Health Pizza" which is made with a whole-wheat crust, sauteed spinach, low-fat mozzarella, and all that.

Brian refuses to believe that anything vaguely resembling a pizza has anything to do with good health. This is what he sent us today:

"They call it "Chicago-style pizza" because it's like Al Capone is pumping cholesterol bullets into your heart." - Dean Moses

Humph. Home-made pizza at La Casa de Los Gatos this week, with sauteed chicken and spinach with garlic, pine nuts, onions, bell peppers, mozzarella, chillies (it's our weakness), and lots of home-grown tomatoes.

Also fish, chicken, Split Tummies (eggplant), seasonal greens sauteed in oil with garlic, ginger, chicken stock.

Here's the recipe for the fish.

Marinated Broiled Fish

2 fillets catfish
1 tsp. turmeric powder
1-2 tsp. red chilli powder
1 Tbsp. dark soy sauce
1 lemon
2-6 fresh green/red chillies
1 thumb-sized piece of ginger

Cook's Notes:This recipe removes the muddy taste that distinguishes catfish and leaves you with delicious, spicy, fragrant, delicate yet slightly crunchy fillets. This is a very simple yet deeply satisfying way of cooking fish. Total prep time is less than half an hour. Cooking time is approximately 15 minutes (at the most). If you like chillies as much as we do, let them broil right along with the fish. If you're not wild about the heat, seed the chillies before adding them to the fish. Serve with rice, white or brown, a sauteed green vegetable, and a simple dal (beans or lentils cooked with spices).

Slice the tops off the chillies and slice lengthwise into strips. Peel ginger and slice thin. Zest and juice lemon.

In a glass or ceramic (or other nonreactive) bowl, place the fish fillets, dust with ground spices, and gently rub the spices into the fish. Place sliced ginger and chillies under, on, and around the fish. Pour soy sauce and lemon juice over the fish. Sprinkle with half the lemon zest, cover with a plate or plastic wrap, and refrigerate for up to 1 day.

When ready to cook, preheat broiler (up to 20 minutes). Place fish on foil and broil 4-8 minutes per side (depending on the thickness of the fish and the heat your broiler generates). Sprinkle with remaining lemon zest and serve.

Some people prefer to remove the ginger and chillies before broiling.

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Food: Recipe For Lizzy

Don't know if you like okra, but it's a wonderful source of nutritional goodness. High in Vitamins A, various Bs, C, E, K, calcium, magnesium, potassium, phosphorus, manganese and with selenium, zinc, copper, and iron, but no sodium. Also low in fat. And a wonderful summer treat.

Most folks who don't like okra say it's slimy. Cooking technique makes all the difference. To make non-slimy okra, use this recipe.

Okra with tomatoes

1 lb. okra
2-3 ripe tomatoes
1/2 tsp. black mustard seeds
1/2 tsp. kalonji
1/2 tsp. turmeric
1/2 tsp. red chilli powder, or to taste
salt to taste
2 Tbsp. vegetable or canola oil

Wash okra and spread on a towel, or several paper towels, and let dry thoroughly before cooking (should probably do this 1-2 hours before). When okra is dry, use a dry knife and a dry cutting board to remove the tails and tips of the okra. Slit lengthwise in quarters from about 1/2 inch below the top to the tail. This will cause the okra to open like a flower when cooking.

In a dry container, toss the okra with salt, turmeric, and chilli powder to taste.

Chop the tomatoes roughly and set aside.

Heat oil (make sure you use a wok or skillet with a lid!) until smoking, then add spice seeds and cover for about 2 minutes. The seeds will pop. Carefully lift the cover so that it faces away from you (to protect yourself from overenthusiastic flying spice seeds). Toss in the okra, stir to mix the spice seeds, turn the heat down to low and stir occasionally to keep the okra from burning. When the okra turns bright green, add tomatoes. Stir and cover for about two minutes, then remove the lid and stir and let cook till okra and tomatoes are soft and collapsed, about 15 minutes. The tomatoes should form a very tiny quantity of sauce, but the okra will not be slimy.

If you don't like okra, I'll just have to post you something else. Black mustard seed and kalonji are both available from any Indian grocery store or online at Dean and DeLuca or Penzey's spices.

Cook's notes: Frying spices can be wonderfully aromatic but also irritating to the nose, so have the fan on.

Once you put the spices in, turn the heat down to medium while they fry.

Use Indian red chilli powder, not the Western style chilli powder, which often contains cumin and other spices.

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Food: Recipe For AreToo

Lizzy's great pix of AreToo

If you haven't yet met AreToo, the delightful not-so-little droid resides over at 922 Cats. Check out his portly jabot-ed form and decide if this recipe is right for him:

Split Tummies

Ingredients

1/4 cup pine nuts
2 Tbsp olive oil (regular, not extra-virgin)
8 oz ground lamb
1 white onion, ~6 oz
1 tsp cumin seeds
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Pinch ground cloves
Pinch grated nutmeg
2 tsp tomato paste
Big handful flat-leaf Italian parsley
Salt and pepper to taste
8 small Italian eggplants
3-4 cloves garlic
1 bay leaf
1 red and 1 green bell pepper
1 or more jalapeno chillies to taste
Pinch of sugar
2 Roma tomatoes

Cut the onion into two unequal pieces, one approximately 2 oz or less. Peel, and finely mince the smaller piece. Chop the remaining piece. Finely mince the garlic, jalapenos, and parsley. Skin, seed, and dice tomatoes.

In a dry skillet, toast the cumin seeds. Remove from stove when browned and fragrant. Set aside to cool, then grind in a clean coffee-grinder (preferably one reserved for grinding spices exclusively). Clean skillet, return to heat and toast the pine nuts, stirring and tossing constantly to avoid burning. Remove from stove and let cool. Return skillet to pan and brown the meat until it is no longer pink. Remove from heat. Drain off excess fat in the pan, then add a little olive oil (just enough to cook the minced onion, approximately 1/2 Tbsp). Add minced onion, stirring till it becomes transparent and smells cooked. Add the meat, stir well, add 1/2 tsp. cumin powder, stir. Add cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, stir to mix, and add a little water, if needed, to keep from sticking. Mix in half the jalapeno, half the tomato paste, half the diced tomatoes, the pine nuts, and quarter of the parsley. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Stir till well mixed and set aside.

Using a vegetable or potato peeler, peel three or four strips of skin from the eggplant so that it has a striped appearance. Soak in salted water to cover, with a plate on top so they stay submerged. Let soak 30 min, then drain and pat dry with paper towels or kitchen towels.

Heat 1 Tbsp oil in a large flat skillet medium high and when the oil is hot, but not smoking, add the eggplants, cover, and cook for about 10 minutes, turn, and cook 10 minutes more. The eggplant should be a rich brown. Remove from heat and drain on paper towels.

Clean skillet, add remaining oil and chopped onion, stir for about two minutes or till golden and opaque. Add garlic, bay leaf, remaining jalapeno, stir well, then add bell peppers. Cook uncovered approximately five minutes, stirring, until vegetables are soft. Add half the diced tomatoes and stir. Dissolve remaining tomato paste and sugar in half a cup of hot water, add to skillet and cook till vegetables make a sauce. Season with salt and pepper. Set aside.

Slit eggplants to make a cavity and stuff with approximately 2 Tbsp meat mixture.

Preheat oven 375F. Place eggplants in a baking dish in a single layer, pour vegetable sauce over, and bake approximately 45 minutes. Serve, garnished with parsley.

No, AreToo, you mayn't have any. You probably wouldn't like it anyway. Have some FancyFeast instead.

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Food: Dead Chicken Parts

This is for BustedKnuckles, that Ornery Bastard.


Grilled Spicy Chicken

Ingredients:

8 chicken thighs
~2 Tbsp coriander seeds
1 tsp salt (or to taste)
1 Tbsp coarse-ground black peppercorns

Toast coriander seeds in a dry pan, stirring to keep from getting burned. When the seeds turn golden-brown and start smelling toasted, turn off the stove, let cool, then grind in a clean coffee-grinder to a powder.

Place chicken thighs in a bowl. Add salt, pepper, 1 Tbsp. coriander powder, and cayenne pepper or hot red chilli powder (the Indian not the New Mexican) and rub spices into chicken. Let sit half-hour to one hour. Grill. Eat.

It's fucking good. And it's too fucking hot to really cook anyway. Serve with salad and rice or bread.

Please don't shave the cat.

Cook's Notes: Save any leftover coriander powder. You'll want to make this recipe again. You can always substitute lemon juice for the salt, but add it after grilling. Zest the lemon, slicing the zest as fine as you can, and garnish chicken with it to serve. Simplest recipe in the world and good eats, too.

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Consumer Alert: Tomatoes

Panicking about raw tomatoes? Relax.

Sure, there was that foofaraw in the papers and TV over the past few days, allowing as how all kinds of people were turning their toes up to the heavens and keeling over thanks to the ingestion of raw tomato products contaminated with a relatively uncommon strain of salmonella. The Florida tomato growers wept and beat their collective breast, claiming that their industry was in "complete collapse," their families homeless, their children unfed and deity alone knows what other blather-am-skate.

It was alleged that 40 people had fallen ill in Texas and New Mexico after ingesting raw tomatoes, and some 17 subsequently had been hospitalized. An additional 30 individuals in Arizona, Utah, Colorado, Kansas, Idaho, Illinois and Indiana had also suffered illness resulting from the same strain of Salmonella saintpaulia. It was, at that time, unknown whether raw tomatoes were implicated in these additional illnesses. Roughly four people in each of those states. Hardly deserving of panic mode, don't you think?

One person &mdash an elderly Texan &mdash did die as a result of the infection. So, fellow old farts, what lesson can we draw from this? Old farts shouldn't take risks with their food? Hey, you're gonna die anyway, why not choose to go as a result of a memorable caprese salad or a nice salsa? OK, the symptoms aren't exactly delightful, but you'll be dead so you won't have to clean up, right?

In any event, the CBC now tells us that tomatoes from the states of Florida and California are not implicated in the recent illnesses. These tomatoes are safe to eat:

• Cherry tomatoes
  
  
• Grape tomatoes
  
  
• Home-grown tomatoes
  
  
• Tomatoes with part of the vine still attached
  
  
• Tomatoes from California or Florida
  
  
• Cooked tomatoes of any shape or form

So you Florida growers can quit your weeping and wailing and go back to gouging your poor workers (who had to fight for years to get a penny per lb. increase in their wages) and the public. As for the rest of us, this is yet another excellent reason to buy local, preferably organically grown.

In fact, today we learned that farmers have to pay stores to keep their products on the store shelves. (Yeah, yeah, we're hardly as well-informed or as smart as we like to think). So, really, the best way to buy would be direct from the farm. It's time to eliminate the middle-schlub. Instead of paying big corporations obscene amounts of money to rape the land and destroy the air we breathe and the water we drink, how about shopping at farmer's markets?

The farm bills that Congress signs are the worst offenders in draining the resources of small farmers and polluting the quality of the nation's food supply. There is a program available called Community Supported Agriculture\ that tries to get conumers directly in touch with farmers. It sounds like an excellent idea. Much better than being poisoned by tomatoes schlepped from Mexico (which are the current suspects in the salmonella scandal) at high cost of fuel and under, probably, appalling labour conditions.

We're off to examine our options. Eat the damn salsa, already.

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Entertainment: For Ms. Manitoba

From ICHC

We have it on good authority that poutine is the national dish of Canada (Eastern Canada, says Ms. M, but we have friends in Vancouver who swear by it too).

Canadian visitors! We urge you to weigh in on the issue. Is poutine restricted to Eastern Canada? Or might those of us who long to visit Vancouver again luck out and get to taste it?

Come to think of it &mdash do we want to taste it?

Knight's Canadian Info Collection describes poutine at length. Checkidout!

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Recipe: Cauliflower sabzi

Gordon, over at Alternate Brain, has discovered Bhangra music and wants to inflict it on you.

For your accompanying pleasure, please ingest this with a healthy serving of Basmati brown rice.

2 small cauliflowers
1 lb Yukon Gold or Yellow Finn potatoes
1 tsp. black mustard seeds
1 tsp. kalonji (available at any Indian grocery store or online from Penzeys as charnushka)
2 dried red chilli peppers
1 tsp. turmeric
1 tsp. red chilli powder
1/2 tsp. ground cumin
2 Tbsp vegetable oil

Cut cauliflower into bite-size florets (use the non-woody parts of the stalk, too). Cube potatoes in bite-size pieces. Wash vegetables separately and drain thoroughly. Toss potatoes with a little salt and let sit for a few minutes. Drain and toss with half the turmeric and red chilli powder. Toss cauliflower with salt, remaining turmeric and red chilli powder and ground cumin.

Heat oil till smoking, add dried red chillies, stir, add spice seeds and cover till you hear the seeds pop. Add potatoes, stir, lower heat and cover for approximately five minutes. Stir, and if potatoes are beginning to turn opaque, add cauliflower and stir, cover for approximately ten minutes more. Stir a couple of times to ensure nothing burns or sticks. After ten minutes, check for doneness, and if not entirely tender, add a little water and cook covered for about five minutes more or until done. Taste and adjust salt if needed. Garnish with chopped cilantro and serve hot with rice or chapatis or any other kind of flat bread.

Cook's notes: For best results, dry-roast cumin seeds and grind to powder in a small, clean coffee-grinder.

Omit salt if you don't use it. Increase cilantro and add thinly sliced green onion and a squeeze of fresh lemon or lime juice.

Kind of fond of bhangra music at Teh House of Teh Cats. In fact, mi casa also loves qawwali music. Try that for size, Gordon!

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Consumer Alert: FDA and Humour

Yaknow, while the FDA drops the ball on contaminated heparin, and the USDA fails to hire enough inspectors to keep our food supply clean, apparently the FDA has the time, staff, and funding to get their panties in a big waddy bunch over a supercaffeinated product marketed as Blow.

You got that right. The same FDA that was busy approving the sale of meat and milk from cloned animals, despite widespread consumer resistance. The same FDA that approves the food items that cause 85 per cent of the food-poisoning cases reported. The same FDA that is closing down half of its food safety labs, despite multiple incidents of food contamination at home and abroad.

Instead of making sure we don't get poisoned food, drink, or medication, FDA commissioner Andrew von Eschenbach and his politically appointed crew of thugs and idiots are busy trying to crack down on a powdered caffeine "energy drink" that is marketed to adults as "Blow," complete with packaging that makes it look like cocaine. Whoop-de-doo, you fucking eejits. Couldja go back to checking the fucking food, drink, and legal drugs we ingest?

Andrew von Eschenbach looks like another one of Gee Dumbya's Good-Ole-Boy Texas buddies who got their jobs because they either knew the worthless motherfucker or were born, raised, or domiciled in Texas. For the record, we don't doubt that Dr. von Eschenbach is a highly qualified urologist. But skill in diagnosing penile problems is not necessarily helpful when running the FDA. A genuine concern for the public health is.

Raw Story has the details of the story on Blow, including a video clip. Dr. von Eschenbach, quit playing the giant nanny, leave our adult pleasures alone, and do your goddamned job.

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Taxpayer Alert: This is Ridiculous!

This story is just one of those that make you go WTF??? Are these people fucking kidding?

Here's the dealio, peoples. Remember back when a slaughterhouse in Chino got busted for processing sick "downer" cows &mdash cows so sick they couldn't even stand up &mdash into ground beef that was then sent to schools and other institutions as well as commercial outlets? Approximately 143 million pounds of ground beef was recalled for possible contamination. Some fifty million pounds of that beef had been distributed to school lunch programs. Kudos to Democratic Rep Rosa DeLauro for putting pressure on the USDA to reveal which districts were affected.

The US Department of Agriculture has billed the Westland/Hallmark Company, that was the source of the contaminated meat, $67 million for expenses associated with the recall. Replacement of the contaminated meat could cost an additional $50 million.

Here's the most important part of the article:

If the plant can't pay — which is likely — taxpayers will pick up the bill, officials said.

WHAT??? Excuse the fuck out of me? Are you people out of your fucking minds?

The government refuses to adequately fund and staff the agencies responsible for our food supply. The government then (big whoopdeedoo fucking surprise!) has to pay millions of dollars to clean up the contaminated food that results from this stupid fucking policy. Now the government wants to charge us, the contaminated victims of its incredible stupidity, to cover the cost of the mess.

Here's a suggestion, USDA: Sue Dick and George and their families &mdash they're worth multiple millions &mdash for their negligence in allowing the food supply to be contaminated in the first place. Use THAT money to pay the costs of the recall.

We need our goddamn tax dollars to pay for all the other problems this Misadministration, and its gang of thugs, have inflicted upon us.

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