Consumer Alert - Food Contamination

Mall-Wart's other division - Sam's Club - has issued a recall of American Chef's Selection Angus Beef patties from agribusiness giant Cargill, Inc. based on investigation of four cases of E. coli. The Minnesota Department of Health issued the following warning:

Sam's Club customers should return or destroy any American Chef's Selection Angus Beef purchased from Sam's Club since August 26 ....

Welp. It looks as if it's no longer safe to buy ground beef.

Okay, I'm being paranoid, but I think it's a plot. Pretty soon we won't be able to afford any food at all, and we'll just end up cooking each other. Five years down the road, you'll run screaming from the room when a friend asks you over for lunch.

Stumble It!