Politics: Vampire Banks Part 2,000,000

Surprise, surprise. Via Yahoo Finance comes a piece from Rupert Murdick's Wall St. Journal announcing that the same banks that taxpayers generously (albeit unwillingly) bailed out last year at the instigation of the Bushies — will be hitting you with new fees and new "products" in an attempt to suck $50 billion out of your pockets.

What, the first $X billion they sucked out of us wasn't enough? Motherfuckers.

They will institute new checking account and credit card fees for the same old shit we've been robbed for all these years. And, to add insult to injury, they will be trying to slip all kinds of charges into your existing account before they're forced to comply with the Credit Card Act of 2009, which limits interest rate increases and keeps banks from raising your credit card rates until and unless you're more than 60 days late on your payments. And, as if that weren't enough, here's what else they plan to do:

Issuers are closing accounts, switching cards with fixed interest rates to variable rates and introducing cards that have an annual fee.

Check your credit card bills, statements, in fact anything those fucking arse-bandits send you. Jesus! These pigfuckers would screw their own grandmothers without even the courtesy of lube.

If you have a Victoria's Secret credit card, you should know that the issuer Gander Mountain plans to charge you a $1.00 "processing fee" for every transaction in which you use that card. And what is their bollocking excuse for this added fee?

"One requirement of the Credit Card Act of 2009 is that monthly billing statements will now have to include significantly more information pertaining to the cardholder's terms and conditions, thus increasing the amount of paper, production and postal expenses as well as having a greater environmental impact," the company said in a written statement.

You fucking lying sacks of shit. We gave you a shitload of money because you told us the whole fucking international financial market would collapse because you assholes had been taking unseemly risks with our money. You created credit default swaps and sold them to god and China. You created toxic securities. You packaged the shit paper with the triple A paper and created a sliced-and-diced instrument that no one could put a value on, and all throughout the decade or so that you were doing this, you paid yourselves huge bonuses and CEO salaries even as you jerked off in masturbatory frenzies every time working stiffs lost their jobs.

You schlepped around on your private jets and you had the gall to use OUR FUCKING BAILOUT MONEY which was supposed to rescue your flabby pathetic saggy white asses from the fires of hell, to buy brand new jets and award yourselves even bigger bonuses, fueling the whole trip down the tubes to the toilet with hookers, champagne, and lavish spending that hasn't been seen since the days of the robber barons. And throughout this entire fiasco, you stuffed our money up your tight arseholes and shoved redwood trees up there to keep it secure and out of circulation so that small businesses cannot even get a fucking loan — which was the whole idea of handing that money over to you, you greedy fucking bloodthirsty sharks, to keep commercial paper moving.

And now you want us all to bend over and drop trou and hold our breaths in anticipation of your next arse-fucking? I think not, you motherfuckers.

Your not-so-friendly credit card company might well start instituting fees on your inactive accounts, so now would probably be a good time to close those, unless you want to keep paying these vampires to rape you on a regular basis.

On the plus side, the government will crack down on overdraft fees and the like. In the meantime, you might want to pay off as many of your high interest cards as you can, close any account you don't use, and keep a close eye on the industry over at LowCards. Remember that the Federal Reserve has now made it mandatory for banks to ask you before they can charge you an overdraft fee. So if they suddenly start charging you, call them up and give them hell, and don't sign anything until you're clear about what it means. Call your bank and demand to speak to a customer rep and write them a letter (keep a copy on file) memorializing exactly what the customer rep said to you.

It'll be helpful in resolving the inevitable disputes that will arise because these bloodsucking bandits will be trying to gouge you for all they can get. And don't start feeling all good about using debit cards instead of credit cards, unless you have no fiscal discipline whatsoever. Because when you use a credit card to make a purchase, you're essentially taking an interest-free loan, if you pay the card off at the end of the time period. You're using the issuer's money to make your purchase.

When you use a debit card, it's your own money you're using. Banks make a lot more money from debit cards than they do from credit cards. So if you plan to pay off everything when it comes due, use the credit card instead. If you have a low interest rate, figure out how much it'll cost you to pay off the purchase in a reasonable period if you need liquidity for other reasons. In the event, these days, using a credit card, or a bank at all, requires some money smarts and a little work.

In the meantime, if you're sick and tired of being screwed by the banks, here's an idea that's gaining a little momentum: Move Your Money.

The big banks — JP Morgan/Chase, Wells Fargo, Citibank, BofA — got bailed out. Local community banks are struggling. Well, you can make the difference. Pull your money out of those big banks and put it in your small local bank. Check out the link and decide for yourself. This is something we can do as consumers that will allow us some measure of control over our money and the nation's banking situation. Congress ain't doing shit for us. We have to do it ourselves.

Pass it on. The FDIC insures your money regardless of where it's deposited. So take the step now. Move Your Money has a search function that will let you find the closest community bank to your home/office. If enough of us move our money, we can change the banking industry in this nation to something useful that gives back to the community and encourages growth and development. Instead of this giant parasitic leech that is sucking the fucking life and soul out of us all.

Check out the video on YouTube.
Join the group on Facebook.
Pass the news along.

It's time.

Bonus cute kitteh pitcher:

ICHC

Keeps teh blood pressure down.

Stumble It!

Economy: Imagine

ICHC

Losing your house over a bill for a lousy fifty bucks. That's what happened to Jean Castro of Connecticut, who emigrated from Haiti many years ago. He's saved all his life to buy this house. (Note: he also owns the house next door.) Is he a deadbeat who refused to pay taxes? No, he's apparently always paid his property tax bills in full. However, the city of Bridgeport, where Mr. Castro lives, claims that Mr. Castro has run up various bills with the city before and refused to pay. On further examination, it turns out that the city sent the property tax bills to Mr. Castro, and he forwarded them to his mortgage company, which was supposed to pay them. The total bill was around $3,000 but most of that was for attorney's fees. The actual tax bill was a little over $50.00.

I used to have an arrangement like that with my bank. The city persisted in sending the bills to me, although I repeatedly (and often irately) notified them that the bills were to be sent directly to the bank, which was paying the taxes out of the adjusted mortgage amount that I paid monthly (they calculated the property tax plus mortgage and then billed me monthly for the sum including "a little something" for their trouble.) I finally terminated the arrangement because it was cheaper and less troublesome to pay the property taxes myself. So my sympathies are with Mr. Castro, of course.

I have no idea how efficient the city of Bridgeport is, but if they're anything at all like my city, they need to rethink their position on this. Taking someone's home because they were late paying a lousy $50.00 is ludicrous. As for the summons they claim they sent him, pish, posh, and piffle. $2,700 in attorneys' fees over a fifty-dollar debt? Puh-leez. The fact that the bank paid the bill indicates that someone screwed up here and that someone is not Mr. Castro. Chances are, like my bank, they delayed paying the bill and, in fact, delayed doing anything at all about it until caught flatfooted, and then paid to have the matter swept under the rug. It IS Countrywide Bank, after all, and their El Jefe is currently facing charges from the SEC, so who knows what can of worms this might open?

HuffPo reports that the March disbursement of Treasury monies called the "homeowners bailout is beginning to show some positive signs. They promise to keep an eye on the issue. We should all keep an eye on the issue. I'm still overwhelmed by negative feelings about the bank bailout, as the above picture clearly shows. I know it was necessary (and there I disagree with most of my good friends and fellow bloggers who have whupped me upside the head for such statements, but Your Cat Is A Stubborn Cat, and I plough on). The current financial crisis seems to be easing, and even Paul Krugman says so. Other countries are having differing degrees of fiscal troubles, but all the economies who could afford it (and even some who couldn't) have poured money into their troubled banks to shore them up. It could have been much worse.



Goodness knows the Bushies probably intended it to be, taking billions in loans from China to prosecute an endless and unjustified war.

And speaking of war, I'm currently reading a history of modern Japan (from the Tokugawa Shogunate through the 1980s), and came across these words of wisdom regarding World War II:

The International Military Tribunal for the Far East was created for the purpose of trying the political leaders who were responsible for "crimes against peace." [...] war criminals were charged with "the planning, preparation, initiation, or waging" of aggressive war. Most of these men were also tried for violations of the laws and customs of war [...].

Wouldn't that accurately describe the Bush Administration? They declared war against Iraq before the UN's weapons inspectors had finished their task. Subsequently, American inspectors announced that they had failed to discover the "weapons of mass destruction" that purportedly formed the basis for an uninvited and unprovoked war of aggression against a sovereign nation.

So, why exactly are we not trying these sons of illegitimate drunken toads-in-a-ditch for war crimes? Or is that reserved only for non-Americans? I think it would be a delicious irony indeed if Japan, Germany, and Italy would band together to create a war crimes tribunal for teh Bushies. OTOH, that would probably cause mass hysteria (I only find it amusing because of my deeply cynical nature). So perhaps it's just as well that the effort appears to span all continents and nationalities save this one.

Hint: Drop your fucking congresscritters yet another note urging them to move on war crimes. Sheldon Whitehouse (yay, Senator!) is hinting that torture investigations might well encompass the war criminals at the top.

Stumble It!

Economy: Imagine

if we'd actually listened to that wealthy and stupid failure, Gee Dumbya, and put Social Security into stocks, like he wanted us to do.

It would have gone the way of the Pension Guaranty Benefit Corporation funds that ex-Lehman Bros. weasel Charles Millard shifted into the market right before it collapsed.

The Bush government — failure, incompetence, greed, corruption, and Teh Stupid in buckets. Can we jail this moron? And force him to cough up everything he owns?

Stumble It!

Meta! I'm Back, Dammit!

From ICHC, of course

Yeah, they don't tell you till afterwards that knee replacement surgery is the most painful kind of surgery you can have. Although, if they'd told me beforehand, as they did afterwards, I probly would still be running, bum leg or no bum leg. Other things they don't tell you: Knee injury hastens the deterioration of hyaline cartilage around the bum joint, and that stuff don't grow back. People who seriously injure their knees during their wild and wicked yoof will pay and pay and pay for the rest of their lives with decreasing mobility and pain. All those young football stars who get sent to the chopping block? They're demanding million-dollar salaries because when they go in for the first replacement, that's pretty much the end of it. Of course, we're trained to bay at the obscene amounts they make and roll over for teh belly rub when a banker takes home $10 mil in bonus plus whatever obscene amount they make each year every year for fifty years or more in the workforce, but hey.

You goddamned losers gotta stop envying the rich for being rich, says the WSJ, wiping a tear from its greedy eye with teh Hanky of Opportunism. Gads, a one-legged ass-kicking's on the menu for the lot of those sodding bastids, don't you think?

Today's heart-lightening theft from YouTube shows that President Obama has two working legs and is not afraid to use them to kick a little deserving butt. And when has any behind seemed more deserving?



Blogging light but determined. Heavy drugs in the mornings, scattered wiseass remarks throughout the day. Storms of rabid language predicted, also Banker Pinatas as a way of stimulating teh economy.

Yeah, I'm glad to be back. Nothing like telling the fecking sods what it is while your leg is stretched by an inquisitorial torture device of sorts (what the FECK is this, anyway?).

The Terrible Saga will grace these pages forthwith. And terrible it was, in the stinky sort of way that week-old corpses and hospital tales tend to be.

Stumble It!

Economy: Git Your Mad On!

Step right up! Git yer Mad on right here, folks, two for a dollar, step right UP!

Yeah, I know. I said I'd chillax. But you know what, the Walking Stupid out there, they just never give a body a minute's rest. C'mon, you know you're tearing your hair out with rage five or ten times a day. I just write about it more.

So, you probably just got laid off, or your partner, parent, kid, neighbour, or friend did, and you're sitting there watching the unemployment numbers climb, listening to the dismal reports on the economy, worrying as you see the big shots in your company meeting behind closed doors and sending out email about meeting the most recent quarterly targets (as in, NOT) and remembering the good old days when ordinary working people got bonuses. And wondering why in the fuckety fucking fuck our Republican Senators have their heads crammed up each others' asses crowing about how they're winning a victory against President Obama's Stimulus bill*. You know, the bill that was going to fund state and county level firefighters, police, food stamps, construction projects, and the like.



And then the paper/TV/radio or media of your choice decides to up and tell you that Wells Fargo, BofA, and Citibank just bought full-page ad space in the Sunday edition of the NYT and the WahPoo!, at a cost of hundreds of thousands of dollars (the last time we looked, after a discount, such space would cost between $75K and $140K or more) just to reassure us dumb customers and taxpayers that those junkets and parties and freebies the banks are giving themselves with our money are

not junkets, but employee recognition events to thank and inspire team members who have worked very hard, like "our terrific mortgage team who helped us originate $230 billion in mortgages in the last year." Stumpf went on to say that the money for the recognition events would have come from company profits and not from the taxpayer financed bailout and he said canceling the events hurt not only his employees, "but the workers who depend on their business, the hospitality industry, hotel housekeepers, restaurant servers, the airlines." The CEO closed by saying "since we aren't thanking our award winners in person this year, we'll have to do it this way."

Now the right wingnut yammerati have been squawking fit to beat hell about how Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and housing loans for working class and poor people is what broke the bank, but those of us who actually read occasionally know quite well that the real cause of the problem is toxic securities and financial instruments that you need a PhD to understand, that largely came about as a result of individual private banks deciding to cash in on the housing bubble and the house flippers by giving what they used to call Liar Loans, or NINJAs (No Income, No Job or Assets).

Wouldn't YOU worry if you got this loan?

Those of us who actually bought or refinanced a home within the last ten years remember quite well sitting down with the banks to discuss terms and having them offer to have their appraisers inspect the premises, instead of using third-party independent appraisers; the fudging of the comps they pulled; the rewording of applications to create the illusion of more house for the return of more money; their insistence on HELOCs (Home Equity Line of Credit, for those not in the know); their securing of jumbo loans and wraparounds and how they all but twisted our arms to get us to pull out increasing equity, until it seemed that people were refinancing annually. So Mr. Stumpf (of Wells) and his celebration of the mortgage-floggers seems a mite — discomfiting, in light of the fact that he and his ilk are being hauled before Congress forthwith to answer to Barney Frank exactly what the fuck they thought they were doing with their taxpayer-generated largesse that will bind our children in debt slavery unto the nth generation.

Not that that will stop the dumb motherfuckers. President Obama had to kick a little ass in public to keep one bunch of greedbags from buying themselves a nice expensive 12-seater jet with their ill-gotten gains recently. Ctulhu alone knows what he'll have to do to keep these assholes' fat sweaty fingers out of our pockets this time around. Considering that all these father-raping buttlicks have MBAs or have been in the industry for longer than Methusaleh, you'd think they would have realized by now the REAL problem, i.e., PR.

Anybody with two working neurons knows that the public has, at best, a very limited attention span, which means you can rape their daughters, sodomize their sons, sell off their wives, burn their houses, and steal their cows, so long as you do not APPEAR to be doing any of the above. With a tear in your eye and a piously-clasped Bible and handkerchief, you can personally assault the lot of them, one before the other, so long as you remember to wear a nice black worsted and weep copiously about your trials and sufferings. Even as we speak, the pinhead wingnuts of the rightosphere are sobbing aloud at the terrible injustice that the Democrats are committing upon the uber-wealthy engineers of our current fiscal fiasco, in attempting to limit corporate CEO emoluments to a mere half-a-million in salary and bonuses if they're taking public money.



The fact that none of these ninnyhammers has ever seen half a million dollars in their own lives bothers them not a whit. They will fight for the right of the greedy to plunder us at will before they acknowledge that we, the people, have a right to a return on our investment in bailouts for the bankers.

And while they're doing their Walrus and Carpenter act on behalf of the bankers, they're whooping and cheering about how the defeat of the Stimulus bill really means a revival of the Republican party, and their return to power. Can human beings possibly be so deluded, you ask yourself. Regretfully, they can. Instead of doing their part in jumpstarting the economy, they're doing their best to slice from the bill anything that will support the common people. Schools? Cut. Hospitals? Cut. Food for the hungry? Cut. And they're shamelessly calling it pork, conveniently forgetting the decades of pork and porkers that they have supported at every turn. Think Ted Stevens. Think Tom DeLay. Think Bush tax cuts that hugely increased the income of the top one-half of one per cent of the taxpayers, while giving nothing to the working people.

Meanwhile, working people everywhere, especially those who've been laid off or are getting their guts eaten out from the inside from the stress and worry of coming unemployment, are really really really eager to see the goddamned bill pass. People, what can I tell you? If you elected a Republican to office, or your neighbours did, man, you got screwed! What can you do about it? A hella lot if you got laid off. Go to their offices and sit down there and refuse to leave until they talk to you. Call them on the phone (use THEIR office phone if you need to call Washington, or get THEIR staffers to contact the asshole for you) and tell them you NEED that stimulus. You need those 150,000 jobs in your city or your county or your state. Go to your local library and get on the internet and send them email. Draft your kids into the effort as well. Take their pictures, make a postcard of them, and mail it to your Congresscritter, and let the kids write the message. "My Daddy got laid off, please pass the stimulus." Or whatever.

Because these assholes are all making six-figure salaries, and they have friends who wine them and dine them and fly them around in private jets, yaknow? They have no idea what it's like to not be able to make your car payment. They probably haven't had to make a car payment for over 20 years. The last time they were looking for a car and actually had to fork out money to buy one, cars cost, like $15K or less.



The Republicans will do everything they can to turn this bill into a useless pile of steaming bullcrap. It's up to us to put the heat on all our lawmakers. They can't do this to us. I'm sick of hearing of one person after another out of work, run out of benefits, underemployed, looking for shitwork to stay alive, moving back to Mom and Dad's with the kids. It's so not OK.

Our President is going on the road to talk to the American people, and all over the country, people are so excited that he might show up in their town. Because the people support their President, and he supports us, you know? He's doing his best to make sure we have enough money to keep our police force up to a safe level, to keep our firefighters employed, to keep us safe, and in our homes, and he knows that we really want this stimulus bill.

So let's not let the media lie their asses off as usual about how this is some kind of illusory "battle" between our President and Lush Rimbowl. It's not. The media is doing their song and dance because they think their job is to sell papers or generate hits for their sites, rather than to keep the American people informed. Enough already, you sods. Bugger off. And as for the Republican Party? If you want ANY seats left in Congress, get off your goddamn asses and vote for the Stimulus bill NOW.

*Note: PDF of full text of the Senate Bill, best viewed in Internet Exploiter or Safari.

Bonus gratifying news: It appears that the Powers That Be might be getting their listen on. Timothy Geithner is flying coach to his job, for a change. Let's see when the remaining members of the Congressional Swine do likewise. (Except Nancy Pelosi - she's third in line for the Presidency and has to fly with top security.)

Stumble It!

Economy: Well, That Didn't Take Long

Today's NYT is reporting* that Wall Street brokers are fighting to retain their $18 billion worth of bonuses and, oh yes, they hate President Obama. Srsly.

“My bonus is ‘shameful’ — but I worked hard to get it,” said John Konstantinidis, a wholesale insurance broker, lunching Friday at Harry’s at Hanover Square.

[...] however [...] President Obama is substantially less popular on Wall Street this week than he was last week.

No! Really? I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked. He must be doing something right.

As one investment banker interviewed for the article said,

“I think there’s a disconnect between Wall Street and Main Street.”

No shit, Sherlock. And how did you come to this amazing conclusion exactly? Was it by checking the increasing numbers showing up at soup kitchens? Or did you read about the number of Americans on food stamps increasing? Or the job statistics, which are showing rising unemployment rates coupled with increasing layoffs?

Somehow I suspect these shitheads who yawp about how they're owed their bonuses haven't yet realized that if that money came from taxpayers, then they'd better start suing their employers to get them to disgorge their profits, because they ain't fucking getting it out of us, I can tell you that.

You hear me, motherfuckers? There's only so much blood you can squeeze out of a stone, assholes. You're responsible for creating these toxic securities, these financial instruments that are basically a piece of shit wrapped in gilt paper. You thought if you sold enough of these your employers would reward you and life would be fine? Well, go ask your employers, your corporate CEOs, to fish into their deep pockets to reimburse you, because the rest of us are too busy scraping off our homes and bodies the poisonous mold that you threw at us all.

The utter gall of these people is unimaginable. This reminds me of an old friend's definition of chutzpah: When a man comes to your house, shits on your doorstep, then rings your doorbell and asks you for water to wash his ass.

If I had a pair of uber-longtoed cowboy boots, I'd be sticking the tips up each and every one of your fat asses, you greasy pate-fed champagne-swilling profiteers. Each and every one of you needs to be "employed" by the taxpayers at the noble and necessary task of breaking big rocks into little rocks. Or, better yet, repairing our antiquated sewage systems. Goodness knows you ought to feel right at home doing that. Sure, it might temporarily ruin the $100.00 manicure jobs y'all are used to getting. But a few honest calluses from hard labour never killed anyone.

OTOH, maybe we can send you to Iraq and Afghanistan to take the place of all those poor and working-class kids who've been getting their individual pubes shot off by the victims of our "war on Terra." Surely we can rustle up, I dunno, 65,000 of you? The infuriated Iraqi and Afghani insurgents will be doing the rest of us a great favour if they can fertilize their dry and hungry fields with a few of you. Y'all might just have an opportunity to make the deserts bloom. What a legacy!

In the meantime, assholes, try to find a better line of work. The economy don't look like it can support too many of you for too much longer.

* This link takes you to the New York Times' article. Registration is required, but it's free. Make what you will of that.

Bonus anecdote: While getting the old fangs sharpened and cleaned, I engaged in what is commonly known as "small talk" with teh toof lady. It's not something I have a whole lot of experience with, especially since you can't talk too much with all that metal in the gob. Try boiling down how you feel about the financial situation into a grunted phrase of six words or less. Get my drift?

In any event, she told me a supposedly heartbreaking story about some rich bitch she knows from her church, whose husband is a stockbroker. Apparently, the couple owned a hugely expensive house in a hugely expensive gated community in our very expensive tiny slice of Terra. Which is now being foreclosed on anaconda HubbyPoo lost his lucrative job and can't find another one, and WifeyPoo has never worked a day in her well-manicured life.

Teh Toof Lady was full of sympathy for this unfortunate couple (hah) for whom she claims the whole fucking church is praying. Call me a blackguard, but I couldn't rouse a drop of the required sympathy. All I could think of was, "Hey, the guy is fucking gambling with other people's money for a living, shouldn't he know enough about money to put away a nice comfortable wad? Didn't he see this recession coming?" Whatever. I'm sure the Richie Riches will have parental units to glom on. They'll survive, with a little help from their friends. The rest of us — get used to a diet of rice and beans, kiddies, that's a mighty long tunnel and the light at the end of it is but a faint beam from where I'm standing.



Bonus bonus: A Senator to keep an eye on: Claire McCaskill. How's this for telling it like it is?

Sen. Claire McCaskill — steaming mad and not going to take it anymore — on Friday called Wall Street executives “idiots” and proposed limits on some of their salaries.

Her proposal would force companies taking federal bailout money to limit compensation for any employee to what the president of the United States currently earns: $400,000 a year.

“Is that so unreasonable?” the Democrat from Missouri asked. “It’s eight times the median household income in the United States of America. … I don’t think that sounds like a bad deal.”

[...]

The compensation cap would cover salary, bonuses and stock options.

No foolin', ma'am. Pardon me while I fall in love with you.

Natcherly, to no one's surprise, professional ghoul impersonator and public cross-dresser (honey, no fishnets, please. You just ain't got teh gams for dem.) Rude Ghouliani came to the defense of excessive compensation everywhere with the following statement:

“If you somehow take that bonus out of the economy, it really will create unemployment,” Giuliani said on CNN. “It means less spending in restaurants, less spending in department stores, so everything has an impact.”

Rudi, you dumb fuck, you're really going to try and convince us that these people who make $22 million in bonuses alone do their shopping in Target and Macy's? Give it a rest, you miserable fuckwit, the American public is NOT that dumb. We rejected YOU as potential President, remember?

Sheesh, where does that lying sack of shit get off with lines like this?

Stumble It!

Economy: My President Don't Mess Around

What a difference an election makes! Remember back when Hope Steffey was assaulted by the very police that she called for help, and we at this fine blog opined that when our leaders refuse to obey the law of the land, every small-minded fool in the country goes along?

Gee Dumbya and his Bush-league myrmidons felt perfectly justified in crapping on the constitution and wiping their collective tush on it, and that behaviour percolated down through the ranks with every ha'penny-two-penn'orth of crookdom and liarment leaping on the old bandwagon headed straight to hell.

They raided the treasury and shat all over the middle class and the working poor. They took trillions of dollars of our money and disappeared it through various hidey-holes. One memorable example would be the airdrop of some US$12 BILLION in cash over the war zone of Baghdad, back in 2007 before ethnic cleansing rendered the city reasonably "safe" for those who might want to, I don't know, run around with fistfuls of US dollars. You know, like us working people who've been screwed so hard and for so long, we're just walking bags of lube.

We don't even need to mention Halliburton's endless run of no-bid government contracts and obscene profits, or KBR's repeated attempts to electrocute the whole fucking US army in Iraq while billing us taxpayers (yes, that would include those of us unfortunate enough to be serving at the time) in the hundreds of thousands for their "services." There is some hellish level of irony involved in knowing that you and your family and everyone who loves, or even just likes, you is paying through the nose to have you killed, yaknow?

So when those evil motherfuckers raised the whole notion of TARP (the Troubled Assets Relief Program), there was much muttering on the part of residents and friends of La Casa de Los Gatos. I mean, hey, Bush has fucked up EVERYTHING nine ways to Sunday, yaknow? You could give that man a nice cold popsicle and instead of enjoying it, he'd put his eye out with it. Or, more likely, yours. Or even the whole nation's.

Dumbya vs. Pretzel, Pretzel Wins

I mean, have you ever in your life BB (Before Bush) heard of anyone getting beat up by a pretzel? Yet there was the man, our (thankfully very) ex-Preznitwit, showing up with bruises and what-all anaconda he nearly lost a battle with an edible treat. Geesh, Christ fucking Criminy. That's gotta take a little work, yeah?

For the record, I myself was for the bailout. I judged, based on my minimal understanding of economics and the economy, that frozen commercial paper was very very bad indeed, in terms of the collapse of the market. I just didn't want to see the Bushleague vultures administering it. I mean, Hank Paulson? He looks even more like Skeletor than Michael Chertoff. Where do they find these assholes? Every single one of the Bush appointees looked like they had recently escaped the pages of some really bad comic about Evil Men. Evil, and let me quickly add, incompetent men.

My fellow-bloggers, to give them their due, were against the bailout. I put it down to their naivete (though not to their faces, I'm not dumb enough to invite that kind of ass-kicking).

Later on down the line, we find (Surprise! NOT!) that the League of Incompetent EvilMen actually threatened our elected congresscritters with martial law if they didn't approve the bailout of Wall Street and its legions of fat, slobbering, greedy bankers. Pig man, pig man.

They put all that money — a trillion dollars or more — in the paws of that James-Bond-style bald villain, Henry Paulson. Who promptly spread as much of it as he could among his friends on Wall Street. I know. You're simply shocked. Scandalized. Nobody could have foreseen, yada yada yada. See Danny Schechter for details.


It was only by the great good luck of President Obama winning the election that we were spared further assault upon our collective economic anatomy, you know, the kind of butt-reaming we've had for the past eight years.

So, Bush and his minions managed to distribute more than two-thirds of the bailout they requested before President Obama ever even took office, and Paulson was trying to get his greedy mitts on the remainder before the new brooms came in to sweep the People's Houses clean of his and his cronies' corruption. All that money went to Wall Street, mind you.

And what, exactly, did Wall Street do with that vast handout? Did they try to clean up those toxic securities, did they propose any plan to limit the damages for which they were responsible, the toppling of the entire world's economy due to their Credit Default Swaps, instruments so toxic that no one has yet been able to assign to them a value? Huh? Did they?

Fuck, no. Lemme tellya, I put off taking my pain meds today (yes, I AM in screaming agony, however did you guess?) because I wanted to feel the rage, the burning pit of fire in my gut that makes me want to singlehandedly garrote the entire bunch of bloodsuckers. Fortunately, my leg no work, so I couldn't even get within shoe-throwing distance of these motherfuckers, plus, you know, I'm kinda a foodie, and frankly prison food is the shits, and I might not even have access to a computer, and THEN how would I get rid of my frustration? Eh?

Wanna take a guess what they did with that money? Huh? Even as hundreds of thousands of people are getting the rigid digit in terms of getting laid off their jobs or taking pay cuts or having their company plain old fold beneath them, cutting them off from health insurance, an income, and possibly the roof over their heads? Yeah? Take a guess.


Yup, that's right. They handed it out in bonuses. To the same fucking villains who laid off all their workers and "downsized" their employees and "reorged" to secure current profit margins, and — worst of all — who created this whole fucking mess in the first place with their abominable greed. Yes. Wall Street paid out bonuses to the executives who threw us all in the pit wherein is much wailing and gnashing of those teeth as we have left. $18.4 billion dollars in bonuses.

The state comptroller, Thomas P. DiNapoli, said it was unclear if banks had used taxpayer money for the bonuses, a possibility that strikes corporate governance experts, and indeed many ordinary Americans, as outrageous. He urged the Obama administration to examine the issue closely.

To add insult to injury (hey, mere bleeding is never enough for these guys. They have to indulge in a little haruspication or, better yet, anthropomancy) these same mother-and-father-fuckers had the gall — the unmitigated gall! — to take our money, we the working people who support the economy, and attempt to screw us over by defeating bills that might benefit labour. As JerseyJo might say, "If yer gonna screw me, at least kiss me first, or bring the lube, or something."

Three days after receiving $25 billion in federal bailout funds, Bank of America Corp. hosted a conference call with conservative activists and business officials to organize opposition to the U.S. labor community's top legislative priority.

The level of chutzpah demonstrated here is, is, is ... ARGH!! WHAT?!? Not only are they screwing us without lube or protection, they're using our own dick to do it!

Thank TPTB for our new President. Because, lemme tell ya, he's been doing some major buttkicking already, in case you missed it. Oh, yes. You don't have to tell this man a thing. He's been working around the clock since the day after he got elected, bar two very short "vacations," laying the groundwork to keep us from falling any deeper into the pit that Shrub Dumbwit et al have dug for us.


And he does not mess around. A lot of people mistake his calm demeanor for evidence that he's a pushover, that he's soft, and won't stand up to them. I see him more as a guy who likes to get stuff done with minimum fuss and pother. He requested, and received some $820 billion that he has pledged to use to benefit working people, help homeowners stay in their homes, and create jobs.

Thus, when he found out that Citibank was dicking around with consumer funds to buy themselves a brand-new $50 million corporate jet, our President put the kibosh on those mofos so fast, their heads are still spinning.

The jet, the epitome of corporate prestige and privilege, can carry 12 passengers in elegant comfort.

ABC News has learned that on Monday officials of the Obama administration called Citigroup about the company's new $50 million corporate jet and told execs to "fix it."

And then, just because these moronic assholes are so bred-in-the-bone greedy, The Man had to take to the airwaves to kick some more ass publicly, because you just know some dumb motherfucker was going to try something similar a couple of days later.

Shameful, he called it. Irresponsible. Outrageous. Appalling. When was the last time you remember corporate greed being called on the carpet? These assholes would happily wring the last drop of blood out of your dying child so they can spend it on hookers and champagne. Go ahead. Click this link and listen to your new President tell 'em.

Meanwhile, your Congresscritters of the Republican persuasion, who lined up to publicly fellate Gee Dumbya and their corporate masters on Wall Street over the multibillion dollar giveaway of our money, are all knicker-wadded that President Obama is actually going to take some of that money to help working people and homeowners.

After insisting on packing the final bill with various porklike tax cuts for their business buddies, they all ran away screaming with their underwear over their heads. Not a single one of those pathetic weenie bastards voted for the money to create new jobs, the money to keep working people in their homes, the money to give quick relief to the non-billionaires among us. Not fucking one. From teh article:

Complicating matters is a feeling among some conservatives they squandered their reputation for being careful with public finances under President George W. Bush, Obama's predecessor for eight years that ended on January 20.

No shit, people. That finally dawned on you guys, huh? That you had broken the locks on the bank doors and basically run naked through the streets throwing fistfuls of dollars at any friend or relative you could spot?

And, to provide further merriment:

A new Diageo-Hotline Poll finds that 66 percent of Americans, when provided with specific details, support the current proposed stimulus package.

That's gotta hurt, huh, Mitch "Closet Queeniest of teh Queens" McConnell, John "Yes, I'm Named After a Naughty Body Part" Bo(eh)ner.

Finally, to prove that they can't get anything right, the Repugnicans have put out their own "alternative" economy-stimulating bill. That's right. Only problem is, it raises taxes for a whole lotta soon-to-be-very-angry Americans. Yes, sirree, bob. Y'all know that AMT thingamahoochie that had so many hardworking taxpayers' shorts in a big old knot? The "alternative" bill isn't gonna change nothing for those guys 'n gals. Let the shrieking begin!


Jesus fucking J.H. Christ and his black brother Harry, ya dimwits, can't you even get something this simple right? It's not like ya can't pay other people to crunch the numbers for ya, just in case yer all from the "Math is Hard" school of taxpayer-screwing, yaknow.

Something tells me the Rethugs will be a regional party for a long time to come. Not that this means y'all should relax your efforts to ensure an ignominous end for them or anything. We've all seen that they can lie, cheat, and steal their way out of anything. So go right ahead and mash them into obscurity. Let there come a day when nobody remembers the word "Republican," unless it's in one of those Dan-Savage-style definitions, like, yaknow, Saddlebacking. (Google it.)

More good news: Senator Chris Dodd has announced that, as chairman of the Senate Banking Committee, he's going to do what he can to confiscate bonuses paid out on Wall Street. Write the man a nice letter, wouldja? I've always liked him. I know, I know, "some say" he benefited from his position, but I looked at the issue and he really didn't get anything more than any savvy consumer with some knowledge about the banking/mortgage industry would. Really. Plus, you want him to do this, right? So. Give the man a little love.

This is the kind of trickle-down I like to see. The man at the top says, "No, you're not doing that shit on my watch," and the people down the line say, "Hey, yeah, while we're at it, how about that stuff y'all stole last month? Give it back." And like dat. Srsly.

Now, Andrew Cuomo, NY AG, is going after Merrill Lynch and BofA to disgorge those "surprise" bonuses John Thain of Merrill Lynch paid out early to his minions after securing government financing for a takeover by BofA.

“No longer will this country stand for wasteful spending of tax dollars on bonuses for executives whose companies have taken huge losses and required taxpayer bailouts,” Cuomo said today in a statement about bonuses paid at Wall Street firms that received funds from the Troubled Asset Relief Program or TARP.

Well, hallelujah, motherfuckers, welcome to the Greased Pole of Impalement. I wanna hear what you sad sagging sacks of shit have to say about your shenanigans. Stand up in front of the people who are struggling to afford a roof over their children's heads and tell them why you thought it was OK to take $18 billion of their money for your bonuses.

Let's start with John Thain, who earned a salary of $750K and a cash bonus of $15 million in 2007. Satan only knows what the motherfucker earned in 2008, may his nuts fall off and be stolen by a squirrel.

Don't fuck with MY PRESIDENT, boys, he's been to the rodeo! Time for some pain meds followed by meditative drooling now. Feel free to tell me what you think.

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Irony is Dying A Slow and Painful Death

The UN Crime Chief is saying that this financial crisis that's affecting us (remember? The one that started when the Bushies finally admitted they'd been lying out their asses about the "great shape" our economy was supposedly in?), yeah, well, it apparently affected banks so badly that they've been kept afloat only by the timely intervention of drug money. You know, money laundering, and all that. Illegal acts. Drugs, gambling, prostitution. At least so says the International Herald Tribune in yet another mind-boggling revelation.

My mind is so boggled right now, I think I need a drink. So, what, are they saying I shoulda gone into business wit' Uncle Vinny or "Dragon-Leg" Chau? Supported Benny the Frog and Willy Da Pimp in their endeavours, and I'd now be recession-proof? Like, if only I'd agreed to invest in Dadabhai Chor's money-schemes and Wilmington "We Break Knuckles So You Don't Have To" Szetoh's gambling parlor, today my 401(k) would not be looking like a 101(k)?

I mean, seriously. You can't make this shit up.

The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime had found evidence that "interbank loans were funded by money that originated from drug trade and other illegal activities," Costa was quoted as saying. There were "signs that some banks were rescued in that way."

Look, I know it's a little early to start hitting the bottle, but, goddammit, it's 5 o'clock SOMEfuckingwhere.

From ICHC, your source of cattitude

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World: Gaza Brings Out Teh Stupid

Wherever they've been hiding. Although, being stupid, most of them are publicly flaunting their stupid in great revolting gobs.



For those of you who just can't bear to read the depressing news, we have Serious Cute at the end of this post. Go ahead. Skip to the video. See if I care.

Here, for example, walking dildo and successful Zippy the Pinhead impersonator Bill Kristol, a Wingnut Welfare recipient if I ever saw one, bleats about how Israel's invasion of Gaza is a great favour to Obama. I mean, c'mon, you worthless impostor of humanity. Why not pull off the mask and bodysuit and tell us all about relationships on your planet, someplace far, far away from our galaxy (I fervently hope)? Because by all that's holy you haven't a fucking compassionate bone in your body to come up with shite like this.

"If you care about the peace process you should want Israel to embarrass and humiliate Hamas. That's the only chance -- there would be no peace process if Hamas were governing Gaza.

You pathetic little pig. I can't wait for you and Bush and Dick and all of you worthless ambulatory turds to fall off the world stage. Break a leg, fella. In fact, break all of them. Jeeze!

People are dying in their hundreds and you and your fellow Neocons are burping up this crap. Meanwhile, your associates in the halls of power have used their remaining muscle to prevent an immediate ceasefire, preferring to turn a blind eye to reports of Israel firing on Red Cross personnel and vehicles, of Israel refusing to allow medical aid to reach the victims of their bombings, many of them little children.



Even as your other dirtbag friends are running ads on American TV networks begging for aid to Israel, which is the major recipient of US taxpayer money. Which they're using to bomb little children, pregnant women, sick, elderly, and disabled people. Meanwhile, protohuman slime molds named Jack Abramoff and Xtianist pastor Hagee are behind this whole ad scam. Knowing the two of them and their dubious associations, chances are if you send them any money it's going directly into their own bank accounts. People like Hagee could care less if the Jewish people are wiped out in a second holocaust, since that will bring them closer to the Rapture they all work towards and pray for.

Even as our 401(k)s are turning into 101(k)s, Raw Story reports that

The administration of President George W. Bush alone has provided over 21 billion dollars in U.S. security assistance over the last eight years, including 19 billion dollars in direct military aid as freebies.

So while we, the taxpayers, are cutting back on all our expenses, begrudging money for the movies or dinner out, forgoing new clothes, selling stuff we don't need or use, putting off vacations and needed home repairs, and even our goddamned health care — the Israeli government is getting billions of OUR dollars and! AND! using our latest and greatest military offerings to slaughter others in our names.

They're using our top-notch military hardware to retaliate against home-made rockets and bombs that "traumatize" people. Their response to these pitiful weapons, which are the epitome of FAIL, is to kill. For every Israeli killed so far, over 100 Palestinians have paid with their lives. The entire country is being punished for the acts of a few.

And you wonder why there is an al Qaeda. The article also states that while the U.S. military gives the latest weapons and weapons technology to Israel, it also sells such weapons (after they're tested on the Palestinians and the Lebanese by Israel) at hugely inflated prices to the Arab nations. That's a bitter pill to swallow, eh, knowing that you're subsidizing the killing of your co-religionists, or tribe, or fellow ethnics, or whatever you want to call them?

We don't even need to remind ourselves of the Israeli military's readiness and willingness to attack American troops, unarmed American protestors, and humanitarian aid workers and medical teams.

Meanwhile, malcontents in Lebanon have begun firing rockets into Northern Israel. Holy quacking duckshit. I can't entirely blame them, it's gotta be a small group or even random individuals who are sick of seeing what's happening to Gaza. The Israeli elections will be held in a month and the leaders are trying to terrify the people and play on their fears to win by outdoing each other in killing Palestinians. I guess some Lebanese feel strongly enough to do something about it. Hezbollah was quick to distance themselves from these acts, as was Hamas. Given the fact that in the last encounter between Lebanon and Israel, Hezbollah conducted a very disciplined campaign, I tend to believe them. Besides, it's a lousy three fucking shells, yaknow?

Meanwhile, our Congresscritters strive to prove that they have but one neuron between the lot of them, by offering "staunch and unwavering support for Israel [...] recognizing its "inalienable right" to defend itself from attacks by Hamas."

Give it a rest, you feeble fucks. You can't even take care of the shitload of business that's been dumped on your workdesk, and now you're all fighting to get up on the nearest table so you can wave your teenie weenies at the press. Shut the fuck up already. Get ready to prosecute Bush, Cheney, and the entire criminal cabal. Figure out what to do about the totally fucked military situation. Come up with green alternatives to the transport money cities and states are demanding. Figure out how more of us can get decent fucking health care. Close the tax loopholes that allow these fucking CEOs to assrape us all without the benefit of lube even as they send our jobs overseas in the fucking hundreds of thousands. Jesus fucking J.H. Christ and his black brother Harry! You've got me so fucking mad I can't even stop to take my pain meds. You worthless POS just voted your own selves a sweet fucking pay raise out of our pockets. Work for our goddamned money, you louts. The free ride is SO over.

That limpdick closeted fairy queen Mitch McConnell is prancing around on the stage allowing as how the war and deaths are all the fault of those nasty nasty Hamas Islamists. WTF is that about? Can't someone put a cork in him? Mitch, you ambulatory rectum, don't you have enough work to do?

Meanwhile, that motherfucking asshole (man, I'd love to put HIS dick in a box. I'd throw the rest of him into the compactor and mail the box to his Mrs.) Richard "Dick" Cheney has the outright fucking GALL to tell us that Bush's actions are not illegal because if they were he would've been impeached. What kind of circular logic is THAT, you infernal spawn of Satan? Wipe the blood off your chin before giving us your answer. Foul, ancient, walking rottenness. He demeans everything good, noble, admirable, and beautiful about humanity just by his existence. Dick, you and your rotten brood should be swept aside, root and branch, into the dustheap of history.

But wait, here's the best part: Darth has the unmitigated gall to tell us that he's a "warm, lovable" sort of guy who had hardly any influence at all in the WH. Georgie made all the decisions, he says now. Remember, this is the guy who admitted authorizing torture. Somebody must've put acid in his metamucil.

And as the number of Palestinians, mostly children, killed in Gaza climbs over 700, Tom Cruise had this to say about the death of Jett Travolta, son of his friend John Travolta. All death is horrific. Why aren't more people speaking out about the parents in Palestine who have to bury their children? Not to take away anything from Mr. Travolta's pain, I'm sure he's a terrific father and absolutely loves and adores his children, but are American children more valuable than Palestinian children? Where are all those "pro-life" people now when babies are being slaughtered halfway across the world? Starved to death, denied medical care, torn apart by bombs. Won't you people speak up? Or are only some children deserving of life?

Enough with ranting. Here's a cute chick we can all ogle:

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The Financial Crisis: Why the Secrecy?

Monitoring. Oversight. Does Paulson really believe that we don't care who he hands money to? We do care. We want to know why some companies are being bailed out while others are not. What's the skinny? And what are the terms and conditions? If we don't have monitoring and openness about all that money -- why not just go into our bank accounts and take the money? Just vacuum it up.

Here's a letter in today's San Francisco Chronicle:

Editor - Is the existing administration attempting to bankrupt the U.S. government before the new administration can begin?

Buried in the Nov. 11 Chronicle are two articles "Treasury lets banks have big tax breaks" and more startling, "Fed won't disclose recipients of loans (Daily Digest)." The latter disclosed that, "the Federal Reserve is refusing to identify the recipients of almost $2 trillion of emergency loads."

What is going on here?

What are The Chronicle and the rest of the press doing to publicize what appears to be a raid on the national treasury? Why the secrecy? Are they lining the pockets of their cronies?

I encourage The Chronicle to perform the duty that freedom of the press allows you. Investigate this and let us know that you care and what we can do, if anything.

-- John Boerger
San Francisco

Thank you, John Boerger for writing such a great letter! What we can do: write letter to the editor of The Chronicle and other papers quoting John Boerger and pushing for these papers to do their investigative reporting. Let's have at it!

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