Economy: My President Don't Mess Around

What a difference an election makes! Remember back when Hope Steffey was assaulted by the very police that she called for help, and we at this fine blog opined that when our leaders refuse to obey the law of the land, every small-minded fool in the country goes along?

Gee Dumbya and his Bush-league myrmidons felt perfectly justified in crapping on the constitution and wiping their collective tush on it, and that behaviour percolated down through the ranks with every ha'penny-two-penn'orth of crookdom and liarment leaping on the old bandwagon headed straight to hell.

They raided the treasury and shat all over the middle class and the working poor. They took trillions of dollars of our money and disappeared it through various hidey-holes. One memorable example would be the airdrop of some US$12 BILLION in cash over the war zone of Baghdad, back in 2007 before ethnic cleansing rendered the city reasonably "safe" for those who might want to, I don't know, run around with fistfuls of US dollars. You know, like us working people who've been screwed so hard and for so long, we're just walking bags of lube.

We don't even need to mention Halliburton's endless run of no-bid government contracts and obscene profits, or KBR's repeated attempts to electrocute the whole fucking US army in Iraq while billing us taxpayers (yes, that would include those of us unfortunate enough to be serving at the time) in the hundreds of thousands for their "services." There is some hellish level of irony involved in knowing that you and your family and everyone who loves, or even just likes, you is paying through the nose to have you killed, yaknow?

So when those evil motherfuckers raised the whole notion of TARP (the Troubled Assets Relief Program), there was much muttering on the part of residents and friends of La Casa de Los Gatos. I mean, hey, Bush has fucked up EVERYTHING nine ways to Sunday, yaknow? You could give that man a nice cold popsicle and instead of enjoying it, he'd put his eye out with it. Or, more likely, yours. Or even the whole nation's.

Dumbya vs. Pretzel, Pretzel Wins

I mean, have you ever in your life BB (Before Bush) heard of anyone getting beat up by a pretzel? Yet there was the man, our (thankfully very) ex-Preznitwit, showing up with bruises and what-all anaconda he nearly lost a battle with an edible treat. Geesh, Christ fucking Criminy. That's gotta take a little work, yeah?

For the record, I myself was for the bailout. I judged, based on my minimal understanding of economics and the economy, that frozen commercial paper was very very bad indeed, in terms of the collapse of the market. I just didn't want to see the Bushleague vultures administering it. I mean, Hank Paulson? He looks even more like Skeletor than Michael Chertoff. Where do they find these assholes? Every single one of the Bush appointees looked like they had recently escaped the pages of some really bad comic about Evil Men. Evil, and let me quickly add, incompetent men.

My fellow-bloggers, to give them their due, were against the bailout. I put it down to their naivete (though not to their faces, I'm not dumb enough to invite that kind of ass-kicking).

Later on down the line, we find (Surprise! NOT!) that the League of Incompetent EvilMen actually threatened our elected congresscritters with martial law if they didn't approve the bailout of Wall Street and its legions of fat, slobbering, greedy bankers. Pig man, pig man.

They put all that money — a trillion dollars or more — in the paws of that James-Bond-style bald villain, Henry Paulson. Who promptly spread as much of it as he could among his friends on Wall Street. I know. You're simply shocked. Scandalized. Nobody could have foreseen, yada yada yada. See Danny Schechter for details.


It was only by the great good luck of President Obama winning the election that we were spared further assault upon our collective economic anatomy, you know, the kind of butt-reaming we've had for the past eight years.

So, Bush and his minions managed to distribute more than two-thirds of the bailout they requested before President Obama ever even took office, and Paulson was trying to get his greedy mitts on the remainder before the new brooms came in to sweep the People's Houses clean of his and his cronies' corruption. All that money went to Wall Street, mind you.

And what, exactly, did Wall Street do with that vast handout? Did they try to clean up those toxic securities, did they propose any plan to limit the damages for which they were responsible, the toppling of the entire world's economy due to their Credit Default Swaps, instruments so toxic that no one has yet been able to assign to them a value? Huh? Did they?

Fuck, no. Lemme tellya, I put off taking my pain meds today (yes, I AM in screaming agony, however did you guess?) because I wanted to feel the rage, the burning pit of fire in my gut that makes me want to singlehandedly garrote the entire bunch of bloodsuckers. Fortunately, my leg no work, so I couldn't even get within shoe-throwing distance of these motherfuckers, plus, you know, I'm kinda a foodie, and frankly prison food is the shits, and I might not even have access to a computer, and THEN how would I get rid of my frustration? Eh?

Wanna take a guess what they did with that money? Huh? Even as hundreds of thousands of people are getting the rigid digit in terms of getting laid off their jobs or taking pay cuts or having their company plain old fold beneath them, cutting them off from health insurance, an income, and possibly the roof over their heads? Yeah? Take a guess.


Yup, that's right. They handed it out in bonuses. To the same fucking villains who laid off all their workers and "downsized" their employees and "reorged" to secure current profit margins, and — worst of all — who created this whole fucking mess in the first place with their abominable greed. Yes. Wall Street paid out bonuses to the executives who threw us all in the pit wherein is much wailing and gnashing of those teeth as we have left. $18.4 billion dollars in bonuses.

The state comptroller, Thomas P. DiNapoli, said it was unclear if banks had used taxpayer money for the bonuses, a possibility that strikes corporate governance experts, and indeed many ordinary Americans, as outrageous. He urged the Obama administration to examine the issue closely.

To add insult to injury (hey, mere bleeding is never enough for these guys. They have to indulge in a little haruspication or, better yet, anthropomancy) these same mother-and-father-fuckers had the gall — the unmitigated gall! — to take our money, we the working people who support the economy, and attempt to screw us over by defeating bills that might benefit labour. As JerseyJo might say, "If yer gonna screw me, at least kiss me first, or bring the lube, or something."

Three days after receiving $25 billion in federal bailout funds, Bank of America Corp. hosted a conference call with conservative activists and business officials to organize opposition to the U.S. labor community's top legislative priority.

The level of chutzpah demonstrated here is, is, is ... ARGH!! WHAT?!? Not only are they screwing us without lube or protection, they're using our own dick to do it!

Thank TPTB for our new President. Because, lemme tell ya, he's been doing some major buttkicking already, in case you missed it. Oh, yes. You don't have to tell this man a thing. He's been working around the clock since the day after he got elected, bar two very short "vacations," laying the groundwork to keep us from falling any deeper into the pit that Shrub Dumbwit et al have dug for us.


And he does not mess around. A lot of people mistake his calm demeanor for evidence that he's a pushover, that he's soft, and won't stand up to them. I see him more as a guy who likes to get stuff done with minimum fuss and pother. He requested, and received some $820 billion that he has pledged to use to benefit working people, help homeowners stay in their homes, and create jobs.

Thus, when he found out that Citibank was dicking around with consumer funds to buy themselves a brand-new $50 million corporate jet, our President put the kibosh on those mofos so fast, their heads are still spinning.

The jet, the epitome of corporate prestige and privilege, can carry 12 passengers in elegant comfort.

ABC News has learned that on Monday officials of the Obama administration called Citigroup about the company's new $50 million corporate jet and told execs to "fix it."

And then, just because these moronic assholes are so bred-in-the-bone greedy, The Man had to take to the airwaves to kick some more ass publicly, because you just know some dumb motherfucker was going to try something similar a couple of days later.

Shameful, he called it. Irresponsible. Outrageous. Appalling. When was the last time you remember corporate greed being called on the carpet? These assholes would happily wring the last drop of blood out of your dying child so they can spend it on hookers and champagne. Go ahead. Click this link and listen to your new President tell 'em.

Meanwhile, your Congresscritters of the Republican persuasion, who lined up to publicly fellate Gee Dumbya and their corporate masters on Wall Street over the multibillion dollar giveaway of our money, are all knicker-wadded that President Obama is actually going to take some of that money to help working people and homeowners.

After insisting on packing the final bill with various porklike tax cuts for their business buddies, they all ran away screaming with their underwear over their heads. Not a single one of those pathetic weenie bastards voted for the money to create new jobs, the money to keep working people in their homes, the money to give quick relief to the non-billionaires among us. Not fucking one. From teh article:

Complicating matters is a feeling among some conservatives they squandered their reputation for being careful with public finances under President George W. Bush, Obama's predecessor for eight years that ended on January 20.

No shit, people. That finally dawned on you guys, huh? That you had broken the locks on the bank doors and basically run naked through the streets throwing fistfuls of dollars at any friend or relative you could spot?

And, to provide further merriment:

A new Diageo-Hotline Poll finds that 66 percent of Americans, when provided with specific details, support the current proposed stimulus package.

That's gotta hurt, huh, Mitch "Closet Queeniest of teh Queens" McConnell, John "Yes, I'm Named After a Naughty Body Part" Bo(eh)ner.

Finally, to prove that they can't get anything right, the Repugnicans have put out their own "alternative" economy-stimulating bill. That's right. Only problem is, it raises taxes for a whole lotta soon-to-be-very-angry Americans. Yes, sirree, bob. Y'all know that AMT thingamahoochie that had so many hardworking taxpayers' shorts in a big old knot? The "alternative" bill isn't gonna change nothing for those guys 'n gals. Let the shrieking begin!


Jesus fucking J.H. Christ and his black brother Harry, ya dimwits, can't you even get something this simple right? It's not like ya can't pay other people to crunch the numbers for ya, just in case yer all from the "Math is Hard" school of taxpayer-screwing, yaknow.

Something tells me the Rethugs will be a regional party for a long time to come. Not that this means y'all should relax your efforts to ensure an ignominous end for them or anything. We've all seen that they can lie, cheat, and steal their way out of anything. So go right ahead and mash them into obscurity. Let there come a day when nobody remembers the word "Republican," unless it's in one of those Dan-Savage-style definitions, like, yaknow, Saddlebacking. (Google it.)

More good news: Senator Chris Dodd has announced that, as chairman of the Senate Banking Committee, he's going to do what he can to confiscate bonuses paid out on Wall Street. Write the man a nice letter, wouldja? I've always liked him. I know, I know, "some say" he benefited from his position, but I looked at the issue and he really didn't get anything more than any savvy consumer with some knowledge about the banking/mortgage industry would. Really. Plus, you want him to do this, right? So. Give the man a little love.

This is the kind of trickle-down I like to see. The man at the top says, "No, you're not doing that shit on my watch," and the people down the line say, "Hey, yeah, while we're at it, how about that stuff y'all stole last month? Give it back." And like dat. Srsly.

Now, Andrew Cuomo, NY AG, is going after Merrill Lynch and BofA to disgorge those "surprise" bonuses John Thain of Merrill Lynch paid out early to his minions after securing government financing for a takeover by BofA.

“No longer will this country stand for wasteful spending of tax dollars on bonuses for executives whose companies have taken huge losses and required taxpayer bailouts,” Cuomo said today in a statement about bonuses paid at Wall Street firms that received funds from the Troubled Asset Relief Program or TARP.

Well, hallelujah, motherfuckers, welcome to the Greased Pole of Impalement. I wanna hear what you sad sagging sacks of shit have to say about your shenanigans. Stand up in front of the people who are struggling to afford a roof over their children's heads and tell them why you thought it was OK to take $18 billion of their money for your bonuses.

Let's start with John Thain, who earned a salary of $750K and a cash bonus of $15 million in 2007. Satan only knows what the motherfucker earned in 2008, may his nuts fall off and be stolen by a squirrel.

Don't fuck with MY PRESIDENT, boys, he's been to the rodeo! Time for some pain meds followed by meditative drooling now. Feel free to tell me what you think.

Stumble It!