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Saturday, January 31, 2009

Economy: Well, That Didn't Take Long

Today's NYT is reporting* that Wall Street brokers are fighting to retain their $18 billion worth of bonuses and, oh yes, they hate President Obama. Srsly.
“My bonus is ‘shameful’ — but I worked hard to get it,” said John Konstantinidis, a wholesale insurance broker, lunching Friday at Harry’s at Hanover Square.

[...] however [...] President Obama is substantially less popular on Wall Street this week than he was last week.
No! Really? I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked. He must be doing something right.

As one investment banker interviewed for the article said,
“I think there’s a disconnect between Wall Street and Main Street.”
No shit, Sherlock. And how did you come to this amazing conclusion exactly? Was it by checking the increasing numbers showing up at soup kitchens? Or did you read about the number of Americans on food stamps increasing? Or the job statistics, which are showing rising unemployment rates coupled with increasing layoffs?

Somehow I suspect these shitheads who yawp about how they're owed their bonuses haven't yet realized that if that money came from taxpayers, then they'd better start suing their employers to get them to disgorge their profits, because they ain't fucking getting it out of us, I can tell you that.

You hear me, motherfuckers? There's only so much blood you can squeeze out of a stone, assholes. You're responsible for creating these toxic securities, these financial instruments that are basically a piece of shit wrapped in gilt paper. You thought if you sold enough of these your employers would reward you and life would be fine? Well, go ask your employers, your corporate CEOs, to fish into their deep pockets to reimburse you, because the rest of us are too busy scraping off our homes and bodies the poisonous mold that you threw at us all.

The utter gall of these people is unimaginable. This reminds me of an old friend's definition of chutzpah: When a man comes to your house, shits on your doorstep, then rings your doorbell and asks you for water to wash his ass.

If I had a pair of uber-longtoed cowboy boots, I'd be sticking the tips up each and every one of your fat asses, you greasy pate-fed champagne-swilling profiteers. Each and every one of you needs to be "employed" by the taxpayers at the noble and necessary task of breaking big rocks into little rocks. Or, better yet, repairing our antiquated sewage systems. Goodness knows you ought to feel right at home doing that. Sure, it might temporarily ruin the $100.00 manicure jobs y'all are used to getting. But a few honest calluses from hard labour never killed anyone.

OTOH, maybe we can send you to Iraq and Afghanistan to take the place of all those poor and working-class kids who've been getting their individual pubes shot off by the victims of our "war on Terra." Surely we can rustle up, I dunno, 65,000 of you? The infuriated Iraqi and Afghani insurgents will be doing the rest of us a great favour if they can fertilize their dry and hungry fields with a few of you. Y'all might just have an opportunity to make the deserts bloom. What a legacy!

In the meantime, assholes, try to find a better line of work. The economy don't look like it can support too many of you for too much longer.

* This link takes you to the New York Times' article. Registration is required, but it's free. Make what you will of that.

Bonus anecdote: While getting the old fangs sharpened and cleaned, I engaged in what is commonly known as "small talk" with teh toof lady. It's not something I have a whole lot of experience with, especially since you can't talk too much with all that metal in the gob. Try boiling down how you feel about the financial situation into a grunted phrase of six words or less. Get my drift?

In any event, she told me a supposedly heartbreaking story about some rich bitch she knows from her church, whose husband is a stockbroker. Apparently, the couple owned a hugely expensive house in a hugely expensive gated community in our very expensive tiny slice of Terra. Which is now being foreclosed on anaconda HubbyPoo lost his lucrative job and can't find another one, and WifeyPoo has never worked a day in her well-manicured life.

Teh Toof Lady was full of sympathy for this unfortunate couple (hah) for whom she claims the whole fucking church is praying. Call me a blackguard, but I couldn't rouse a drop of the required sympathy. All I could think of was, "Hey, the guy is fucking gambling with other people's money for a living, shouldn't he know enough about money to put away a nice comfortable wad? Didn't he see this recession coming?" Whatever. I'm sure the Richie Riches will have parental units to glom on. They'll survive, with a little help from their friends. The rest of us — get used to a diet of rice and beans, kiddies, that's a mighty long tunnel and the light at the end of it is but a faint beam from where I'm standing.

Bonus bonus: A Senator to keep an eye on: Claire McCaskill. How's this for telling it like it is?
Sen. Claire McCaskill — steaming mad and not going to take it anymore — on Friday called Wall Street executives “idiots” and proposed limits on some of their salaries.

Her proposal would force companies taking federal bailout money to limit compensation for any employee to what the president of the United States currently earns: $400,000 a year.

“Is that so unreasonable?” the Democrat from Missouri asked. “It’s eight times the median household income in the United States of America. … I don’t think that sounds like a bad deal.”


The compensation cap would cover salary, bonuses and stock options.
No foolin', ma'am. Pardon me while I fall in love with you.

Natcherly, to no one's surprise, professional ghoul impersonator and public cross-dresser (honey, no fishnets, please. You just ain't got teh gams for dem.) Rude Ghouliani came to the defense of excessive compensation everywhere with the following statement:
“If you somehow take that bonus out of the economy, it really will create unemployment,” Giuliani said on CNN. “It means less spending in restaurants, less spending in department stores, so everything has an impact.”
Rudi, you dumb fuck, you're really going to try and convince us that these people who make $22 million in bonuses alone do their shopping in Target and Macy's? Give it a rest, you miserable fuckwit, the American public is NOT that dumb. We rejected YOU as potential President, remember?

Sheesh, where does that lying sack of shit get off with lines like this?

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At 5:23 PM, Blogger nunya said...

Excellent post my dear, but you might have overlooked the rising sucide rate?

You can borrow my pointy toed cowboy boots, I don't wear the damn things since I realized I am NEVER going to get that 'room full of cattle stomping arond' dance stuff.

At 11:13 AM, Blogger Friend of TPC said...

Hi TPC! Great post! You maybe writing through the meds but oh man are you ever on! Damn! I wish I could write like that. My only complaint is you were to easy on those bastards. You know, I am generally against the death penalty but when the revolution comes, I'd put those assholes among the first against the wall!

At 12:12 AM, Blogger opit said...

The banks and investment brokers are also up to the neck in Ponzi schemes. Who knew that might happen when deregulation in 2005 removed oversight - providing breeding grounds for lending without expectation of repayment? That's why everything went nuts.
The financiers were complicit : government set the stage.
Rudy? The 911 gang claims that the building not hit by anything was demolished : conveniently destroying an office full of records implicating him in graft and corruption.
How bizarre.


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