Happy Independence Day!

Hey, everybody! The asshats around me are starting to fire off their rockets in the middle of the fire season. Isn't that CUTE? Will we be forced to flee our homes at some ungodly hour, in our pajamas, cats tucked under each arm?

Tune in tomorrow, same time same place, assuming we fucking survive.

Don't you hate that shit? Boom, boom, boom. I guess the people enjoying this stuff have never lived around, you know, actual guns and bombs going off and people getting all shredded and stuff. Because lemme tellya, ever after, your shoulder blades twitch when you hear that noise. I'm expecting shrapnel fragments.

No, I'm not. The neighbours are idiots, but more in a non-malign, stupid, poleaxed, well-meaning, friendly, idiotic sort of way than actual redneck goobers who run around trying to kill people and other living things. They'll burn all our houses down around our ears, then fling themselves on our shoulders and sob about the loss. Dumbfucks.

So Mitt Romney's big fundraiser in London was held by disgraced and recently-resigned Robert Diamond, former head of Barclay's Bank? Do the teabaggers not see any irony whatsoever in the would-be president of the former colonies going to the Mother Country to raise funds from the SAME FUCKING PEOPLE the first Americans fought against to establish this nation? Where are the cries of corruption and foreign interference when Mitt Romney courts the British banking establishment, on fucking INDEPENDENCE DAY? Where are the cries when the biggest contributor to the Republican party is a guy who makes money off whorehouses in China?

Meanwhile, over at the ongoing Republican War On Women Headquarters, we're reliably informed that yon lout in that pitcher up there, one NY State Senator Marty Golden, is finally ready for the onslaught of the 15th century. Someone please tell him it's actually the 21st.

Because this benighted son of a poop-eating bottom-feeder is proposing to WOW the LayDeez of his constituency by teaching them the fine art of "feminine presence." I have no idea what this fucking "feminine presence" is. Is it another term for poontang?

Mind you, this asshole is one of those guys who think the Fair Pay Act doesn't even deserve a hearing, and votes against increasing the minimum wage or giving the Nice Laydeez some fucking maternity leave or elder care leave, paid, so they can do their OTHER fulltime job as well.

But wouldn't you know the Feminazis got to him, and he has now canceled all those nice classes, boo hoo. No word if he's considering any bills that might actually help low-paid women, but at least he's not gonna make taxpayers cough up to teach people how to climb fucking stairs for chrisake.

And that fucking sack of fermenting poop, @RepJoeWalsh, is actually attacking the military service of a woman who lost two legs and an arm rescuing her mates in the Iraq war. Please feel free to contact his office and tell him to go suck dick. Well, no. Be polite. Just because he's an asshole is no reason for anyone else to act that way.

I can't believe this worthless fucking putz. He wouldn't pay to keep his children fed, clothed, and housed. I mean this guy owes $200,000 in child support, and his kids had to go on welfare at one point. That's TAXPAYER MONEY that he shoud have been paying. He went to court to fight his duty to pay for the children he fathered. He would rather run up lawyers' bills than feed his own kids.

And he wants to take care of his constituents? A man who can't take care of his own fucking children can't take care of anyone else. Don't be fooled, peeps. This guy NEEDS TO LOSE his election. He's a swine who won't even pay his own children's bills.

Enough, I'm done ranting. Here's your Libertarian/Republican paradise, all you assholes. You can just suck it, srsly.

Alright, alright, I've been a beast. Here, listen to some terrific music and get ready to spread 'em for the bankers. Geez.

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Mint MorMoney is a Fucking Twat

Jesus Christ, this guy is a complete fucking twat.

And before you get on my case for calling him a Fucking Twat (which he IS), watch the entire video. Anybody here employed over the last 40 years? Remember when life was good, you worked hard, the boss gave you a bonus at the end of the year? Remember what happened around, oh, say, 2000? When companies started outsourcing jobs, and it seemed like raises kept dropping, or being eliminated altogether? And every year you were told there would be no bonus, or a reduced bonus? And then they started implementing performance targets for bonuses, so that it didn't matter how hard YOU worked, if your team, your group, your department, and your DIVISION didn't make their targets, you, the lowly schlub, could just kiss that bonus goodbye?

That's when Bain Capital was making Mint MorMoney all those millions. That's how come he has $300 million or more in his bank account, and you're lucky if you can feed the kids something that DOESN'T have rice, beans, or Hamburger Helper in it.

Mint MorMoney (copyright Helen Blazes)is a complete and total fucking twat. And if you want him as President, if you stay home and fail to vote for Barack Obama, don't you let me hear you whine ONCE, NOT FUCKING ONCE, about how there are no jobs and millionaires got tax breaks but you're paying more than ever. Because if you can't see that that's what he has planned, then YOU'RE a fucking twat, too, and a very STUPID fucking twat, at that.

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Andrew Breitbart

Andrew Breitbart died this morning. I'm trying to figure out how to express how I feel about this. I think I'd better use the same exact words that he used to commemorate another great public figure, Ted Kennedy. Let's see if I can remember what he said.

Oh, yes: "I'm more than willing to go off decorum to ensure THIS MAN is not beatified, Sorry, he destroyed lives. And he knew it."

I believe he also referred to Kennedy as "a prick" and scum. Apparently, such language is appropriate for the dead. Therefore, thank you Andrew, for showing me how to speak about the dead. You're dead. You scummy prick.

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Attack Of The Killer Slimeballs

It's here at last! The war of the Horrible Wealthy Old White Male Republicans that will culminate in the re-election of Barack H. Obama in about ten months. And firing the opening shots is none other than everybody's favourite lard-assed pasty cannonball, Newton Leroy GinGrinch, aiming to take down Bishop Willard "Magic Underwear Mitt" Romney.

Check it out. Very nicely done, no?

Whaddya think? Can Mittens survive this? And the Bain Capital attacks?

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Jon Stewart Nails It

As always. Right out of the park. And remember, he taped this before last night's Iowa rout:

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Watch for all the Repubs to start tearing at Santorum now.

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For All Our Irish Friends

Wherever they may be:

Our very own part-Irish President goes HOME to claim his heritage! President O'Bama, whose ancestors come from all over our world and whose relatives live in every part of it.

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Fuck you very much, Republicans

I don't know if anyone else is paying attention to Herb Cain's harassapalooza, but srsly. This has to be THE fucking awfulest Republican presidential candidate lineup EVAH. First he claims it's all a bunch of lies, then he claimed he remembered exactly what happened and it was a whole lotta nothing, and now three OTHER women have come out to say he harassed them TOO. And his wife is still the Invisible Woman (has anyone seen Mrs. Herman Cain? IS there a Mrs. Herman Cain?).

Meanwhile, Rick DinglePerry's on some kinda good drugs, and I mean GOOD drugs, that motherfucker wants to lerve on New Hampshire so bad he can hardly even stand up anymore. I'll post that viral video in a day or so. Why the fuck not? It sure as hell makes me want to gag something horrible. Might's well share the pain. Y'all enjoy this heah now. And just remember, it COULD be worse. You could already be having to call one of these dumb motherfuckers "Mister President." Dear god, please, no.

Sing along with me, children!

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Cain: He's Not Able

Another day, another disaster for the Republican KKKlown KKKar KKKandidates.

Srsly, how embarrassing is this, anyway? Looks like Herman Cain is down for the count and sinking. First, the candidate was forced to acknowledge that he had only $13.00 in his "Hermanator" PAC.

Then, he reported his fundraising hauls for the current quarter: $2.5 million. Which sounds really impressive, until you realize that that is the smallest amount ANY of the candidates has raised this quarter, and about half of what Timmy "FeeFee" Teapawz raised. Pawlenty raked in the smallest amount of the other WHITE candidates, and Cain raked in about half that amount. Pretty sad, ain't it?

The teabaggers talk about how Herman Cain *proves* they're not racist (Why? Because he's a self-hating black man who's willing to give cover to white people attacking our President?), yet they won't give him their money.

You know, just like when they made Michael Steele chair of the RNC, but immediately took away his ability to disburse money. They're not going to trust no black folks with money! Come ON, Herman! Where have you been for the last 60 years, Uncle?

Well, the news just gets worse for poor ol' Uncle Herman. Here we all were enjoying our nice, long, warm, summery Fourth of July weekend, and what was the Hermanator's organization doing? Pooping all over him in Iowa, that's what. Yup. His Iowa people just up and quit on him, en masse.

Hermie's trying to put a good face on it, his current spokesweasel claims they've already got replacements lined up for all the rats wut done jumped his sinking ship. But srsly, how lame is it that your entire campaign staff ups and quits? And, worse yet, accusing each other of homosexual affairs? What is this, high school?

But srsly. I don't think Uncle Herman will be with us much longer.

Oh, yeah, and some of that money he "raised" was his own. The old man actually broke down and put some of his own Hermanbux into the race. What a fool. He's actually paying for the privilege of hanging out with a bunch of rich old white guys who would be yelling at him to fetch their drinks if he was even allowed in their fucking country club.

Bye, Hermie. Wish I could say it's been nice, but I'm kinda sick and tired of us Brownz siding with the majority against our own and doing the dirty work of trying to take down one of the best Presidents this nation has ever had — for them.

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The Michele BatShitKrayZMann History Channel

OK, disclaimer: this is probably the first time I've ever seen Conan O'Brien. I had no idea who he was till today.

I think I like this guy. He is Teh Funnay.



Enjoy!

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Mission Accomplished!

We know y'all heard the news last night. Our President announced on the national media that bin Laden had been "taken out" in a surgical strike designed to inflict minimum "collateral damage."

Al Jazeera has the photos if you can stand to see 'em. Bit, uh, strong, so be warned. There was a lot of spontaneous cheering and people waving flags and what-all. Folks gathered around the White House, singing the National Anthem. Firefighters of the NYFD celebrating in Times Square. Cadets at West Point raising such a ruckus, the sleeping inhabitants of nearby areas came awake.

And of course, the media today is full of it. And we mean that in the politest way. No, of course we don't. But we're calling a moratorium on the insults for the nonce. Might as well just sit back and admit that, since the attack on the Twin Towers, we here at La Casa de Los Gatos have been twitchy and oppressed, even if we didn't know it.

The first reaction at the ol' Cathouse was shock. The second was a tremendous sense of relief, as if an invisible hand around one's neck had finally loosed its grip. The third was exultation. But that only lasted a short while. It is unseemly to celebrate death, no matter whose. We are grateful the symbolic scourge is gone, but the sight of people singing and celebrating, regardless of whether they are mujahideen or American civilians, is a little ... unsettling. But we're not going to rain on anyone else's parade. Y'all do what it takes, friends. Just remember to say "Thank you, Mr. President!" over at whitehouse.gov.

And now, for a little light relief. Here's George Dubya Bush's reaction when HE got the news:



Yeeeeeee-HAW!

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The President Rocks The Audience

Live from the White House Correspondents' Dinner:



Contrasting this with Bush's last appearance, I can't help thinking how innately decent and fair our President is. Yes, he had fun tweaking a few people, but no one who didn't deserve it. Most important of all, he called for remembrance of our troops -- the Republicans pay a LOT of lip service to that, but they're the ones who keep cutting the VA budget and freezing the ordinary soldier's wage, and refusing to regulate the payday lenders who are driving our troops' families into foreclosure.

More touching was his call to remember those devastated by the storms that have struck the Southern states. Those red states are a hotbed of teabagger KrayZ. He didn't have to say word one about them. But, unlike Bush, who never mentioned Katrina after it happened except to complain that Kanye West dissed him, our President called for a show of kindness and help to those who hate and disrespect him with every breath.

Thank you, Mr. President. Here's looking forward to another five years with you at the helm.

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The S_Trump_et Whores On

We mean, of course, The Donald. Or should that read "whoreson"?

Today, our President, Barack Hussein Obama, released the long form of his birth certificate.

Ordinarily,this form is not available for viewing except to those having a personal interest in it — which is to say, the person whose birth it records or other immediate family members. Hawai'i's privacy laws also do not permit the State to release the original copy to anyone. The President requested a waiver of such laws in order to release this piece of paper.

No other President — nor even any nominee for the office — has ever been required to prove their citizenship. So let's be perfectly straightforward and clear about this whole brouhaha. Had President Obama been white, the question would never even have arisen. On what grounds do I assert this? These:

• John McCain was never asked to produce his documents, despite the fact that he was NOT born in the US;
  

  
  

• Birfers are trying to change state and Federal laws — and possibly even the Constitution — to take away the right to citizenship jus soli, i.e., by virtue of having been born on US soil. They are also trying to alter the right to citizenship jus sanguinis, i.e., by right of blood. Currently, the Constitution recognizes both conditions as conferring citizenship. "Birther bills" on the State level actually require potential nominees to have *both* parents born on US soil. The fact that this would exclude Mitt Romney (whose father was born in Mexico) and Donald Trump (whose mother was born in Scotland) hasn't yet penetrated their crania, I suppose.
  

  
  

• These are the same people who, when Arnold Schwartzenegger the foreign-born brainless Austrian bodybuilder was making his stab at power, were willing to amend the Constitution to allow him to run for President. Yet they're not willing to accept the mixed-race child of a white American mother as a "real American" without making him leap through hoops despite what their OWN FUCKING LAWS SAY.

I'm furious and disgusted with the media's complicity in all this. With their endless bullshit, their boob job coverage, their fertility stories, their Royal wedding coverage, their bullshit about the teabaggers who can barely get 300 people to show up for most events, their refusal to cover the 100,000 who marched in Wisconsin. I'm sick of it. So I found this video on Crooks&Liars, which I cannot recommend highly enough. Please to watch. And then please spread the word. Because he's absolutely correct, every word of it.

Contact NBC and let them know what you think. They really need to hear from people.

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Sing Along With Me, Children

Sweet mother of GAWD, the Republican lineup for the 2012 elections is getting worse by the minute. I'm afraid to laugh as hard as I want to in case I piss myself.

Then along came Ms. Mollybean1 and posted SadnMad's delightful little ditty that sums the motherfuckers up pretty accurately, don'tyathink?



I mean, Christ, look at this pack of dimbulb stooges! The President can just phone it in at this rate, yes?

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Is It Just MEEEEEE?

Or are the protestors in WI drowning out the Witch of Wasilla?



Something like 6,500 people showed up in WI today. Why? Skanky Wailin'Failin'Bailin' Palin was giving a word-salad speech. AP (worthless corporate cocksucking shills that they are) claims that "hundreds" of te@b@gging Kochroaches showed up, and were met by "hundreds" of union supporters. But, if you look at this clip, it's pretty obvious that "hundreds" of teabaggers might have showed up but they were completely and totally outnumbered by THOUSANDS of union supporters. Who managed to shout Skanky's speech down. Go, WISCONSIN! Show us how DEMOCRACY'S DONE!

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Didn't I Tell You Guys

Like, a fucking year ago?

President Barack Hussein Obama proves prescient once again in a speech to Republicans a year ago:



The man thinks ahead. He looks ahead. He's not perfect by a long shot, and he's not my ideal candidate by a long shot. But he is, hands down, the most pragmatic President ever. His rhetoric is not overblown but precise, surgically precise.

I wonder if John Boehner is weeping into his whisky watching this, right now.

Details here.

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Happy Holi!

To all our Indian readers. The whole two of you. Srsly.

Sarah Palin goes to India, falls flat on ass. Listen and weep. Thank god this dimbo is not VP today.



More amusement here.

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Congratulations Are In Order!

It's the morning after the night before, and what a night it was! First off the bat, congratulations, California! It looks like the voters of the Great Golden State proved themselves, once again, to be the forward-looking independent-minded, trend-bucking bunch of eccentrics they've always prided themselves on being. Result: Governor Jerry Brown, Senator Barbara Boxer, Congressmembers Nancy Pelosi, Fortney "Pete" Stark, Henry Waxman, Lynn Woolsey, and a slew of other progressive Democrats. Neutral about Kamala Harris, but it looks as if she might have won her race, too. Thank you for keeping the Great State of California a deep and enduring blue. All over CA, Democrats have won their races by 60-80%.

Congratulations are also due to the Great State of Colorado! Despite forebodings and prognostications of doom, CO now has a Democratic Governor, John Hickenlooper, who ran on NOT attacking the other candidates. Yay, Hickenlooper. Hickenlooper's win means that disgusting maggot, Tom Tancredo, will have to find some other body politic to devour. CO has also returned Senator Michael Bennett to his Legislative seat. Good riddance to Ken Buck, the man who won't admit to wearing high heels. Finally, thanks to Dan Maes' dismal showing at the polls (<10% support), the Republican party is now an official minority party in CO. Thank you Dan, and thanks to all your teabagging supporters. Suck that Koch.

Congratulations to the State of Rhode Island, where former Republican-turned-independent and always-sensible moderate Lincoln Chaffee won the Governor's mansion with the help of Democrats, who turned the whole state blue. Democrats won all their statewide races. GO, RI! And as for Frank Caprio, dude, this is why you DO NOT fucking diss the fucking President of the fucking United fucking States, OK? He's the Prez. You might not like him, but he has a huge and loyal following. President Obama, despite the terrible shape of this country when he took over, still has higher ratings than most other Presidents at his stage of holding office. When you diss him, you  piss off a lot of Democrats who might otherwise have thought of voting for you. I hope you've learned your lesson., you little fucker. Now go hold your tongue and try to make yourself useful.

Congratulations to the blue, blue State of Massachusetts! Deval Patrick keeps the Governor's mansion, and Barney Frank goes back to the Senate! And better yet, Democrats won EVERY SINGLE RACE in MA.

Congratulations to the State of New Hampshire for retaining your Democratic governor, John Lynch. Despite the efforts of homophobes to unseat him because he supports LGBTQ rights, Lynch beat out the Republican handily and goes on to serve his fourth term. Some anti-incumbent mood.

Congratulations to the State of Maryland for returning feminist icon Barbara Mikulski to the Senate. The Senate sure could use a few more like her, and a lot less like, gee, Cornyn? Coburn? Brownback?

Congratulations to the State of Connecticut for rejecting Linda McMahon and supporting Richard Blumenthal instead. Blumenthal's clearly the better candidate, and your voters proved that they knew it.

Congratulations to Delaware for sending the would-be witch and perennial Senate Candidate, Christine O'Donnell, back to her battery-toy collection. DE went with Chris Coons, who knows the First Amendment by heart. Yay, DE!

Congratulations to the Great State of New York for choosing Andrew Cuomo instead of krayZloony Carl Paladino, who brought his baseball bat to his concession speech. The guy is nuttier than a fruitcake, and I'm glad he's history. Also, Schumer. I'm not wild about him, but his constituents seem to be, so good work, NY, for sending him back to the Senate. Pity y'all allowed five districts to slip into Repub hands, but Gillibrand won her race, so overall, y'all done good.

Congratulations to the beautiful State of Hawai'i for making Neil Abercrombie your new Governor! Duke Aiona was a dangerous loon. Abercrombie was by far the better choice. Thanks to y'all, Democrat Brian Schatz takes the Lt.-Gov's seat. Democrats hold both the State House and Senate, so y'all are on the right road! Daniel Inouye returns to the Federal Senate. Colleen Hanabusa beat Charles Djou. And Mazie Hirono returns to her job with a solid win. 

Congratulations to the Silver State for handing Sauron Angle a 7-8 point defeat in her widely acclaimed teabagger race for the Senate. The Koch brothers and Dick Armey spent millions there, only to lose. Happy Day. NV is no more for sale than CA or CO.

Congratulations to the Grand Canyon State for returning Progressive Rep Raul Grijalva to the House, despite last-minute attacks on him and his office. Congratulations for returning Democrats Ed Pastor and Gabrielle Gifford, also. Unfortunately, y'all have to live with the twin embarrasments of Dan "Potatoe-Head" Quayle and Jeff "There's A Good Reason For My Last Name" Flake. Also, Brewer? Srsly?

The Republicans are spinning like tops to claim that this was a landslide for their end of the political spectrum. We here at La Casa de Los Gatos are just really glad that the worst of the teabagger candidates went down faster than a manwhore. Palin endorsee and campaign slimebag Joe Miller? Looks like he's going down. Sauron "Church Lady" Angle? Gone, gone, gone. Cara Carleton Sneed Fiorina? History. Chuck deVore, are you happy now? PayLin endorsed her instead of you. It was the kiss of death.

Meg "Watch Me Spend My Billionz" Whitman? Gone. Christine "Masturbation is For Me, Not Thee" O'Donnell? Gone straight to jail, did not pass Go, did not collect those $200M dollars she needs to pay off all her bad debt, rehabilitate her candidacy, and try for political life ever again. Ken "Vote For Me, I Don't Wear Heels" Buck? A bad memory. Dan "Bicycles Are A UN Plot" Maes? To be remembered forever as the man who single-handedly took the Republican party to minority status in CO.

The teabagger candidates who won — Marco Rubio, Nikki Haley, and Rand Paul — represent a mere fraction of the total. But Rand will be a thorn in Mitch McConnell's side, which makes us kinda happy. Prediction? More political grandstanding, posturing, and fractures ahead. The Blue states seem to have become bluer, and the Red states seem divided between radicaloony teabaggers and moderate conservatives who find them unacceptable, with Democrats and Progressives tucked away in various corners, working hard to turn their Red states Blue. Despite teabagger challenges to most Republican candidates, most of them survived intact (Sam Brownback won handily in KS, Roy Blunt Trauma in MS, and Governor Goodhair in TX).

What's interesting is what happened to Blue Running Dog democrats, like Stephanie Herseth-Sandlin and Blanche Lincoln. 23 out of 54 Blue Dogs lost their seats. And their support of, (or opposition to) universal health care had nothing to do with it. If anything, we can expect more progressive Democrats in the House.

So, overall, as to be expected in a mid-term election year, the party in control lost seats. It's not a stinging defeat, it just shows that more work needs to be done. Today we celebrate. Tomorrow, we're back at work.

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What YOU Can Do To Make The Elections Better

In case you didn't already know it, ABC has invited Andrew NotSoBrightBart to give a live election analysis on Tuesday.

Yes, that Andrew NotSoBrightBart. The one who characterizes himself as "Matt Drudge's bitch."

The one who peddled an edited video of Shirley Sherrod that resulted in a wave of wingnut hysteria, with addled teabaggers calling their radio and TV stations to express their horror and outrage that a black woman whose father and uncle had been murdered by white men, once experienced a certain prejudice towards white people. (Of course, they edited out the evidence that she had overcome that prejudice and remains a lifelong friend of the white people in question, who are still very grateful to her for her efforts on their behalf.)

So, if all those incidents in NotSoBrightBart's past bother you — you know, like James O'Keefe pretending he dressed up as a pimp taking Hannah Giles dressed as his ho' to destroy ACORN, an organization that represented poor people and helped them resolve housing disputes and exercise their voting rights — or whipping up race hatred against Shirley Sherrod; or trying to illegally tap the phone of a sitting US Senator; or attempting to set a reporter up for something closer to rape than seduction; you might, you know, want to let ABC know that rewarding a known serial prevaricator and provocateur, and fanning the flames of sectionalism and antipathy right around the elections is, like, not nice at all. And you will kick their fucking asses to the curb. Politely, of course.

Please contact ABC News and voice your opinion:
ABC News
147 Columbus Ave., New York, NY 10023
Phone: 212-456-7777

General e-mail: netaudr@abc.com

Here is a link to Disney Corporate feedback form:

http://cor­porate.dis­ney.go.com­/responsib­ility/feed­back.html

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Arizona, Land of Teh Demented

and home of the cowering racists.

ICHC

Yup, they did it. The state of Arizona passed SB1070, giving regular police officers the right to request documentation from people to ascertain their immigration status. What does this mean? It means every brown person in or passing through the state of Arizona is liable to be stopped by some dinky asshole like Joe Arpaio who might feel like a little grandstanding and harassment.

Is the legislature of Arizona so fucking demented and stupid that it thinks pissing off Latinos/Latinas is a good idea?

Rhetorical question. Obviously, it does.

Well, you dumbshits, consider that any decent person, regardless of their ethnicity or skin colour, must take issue with a law so blatantly unjust and unfair, and unconstitutional on its face. And consider that any person who is not white is far more likely to be stopped than any person who is not. And consider that there are many light-skinned Europeans here who have "overstayed" their tourist visas, who rarely, if ever, get stopped and asked for their papers. And that the original inhabitants of your benighted state, of whom there are still quite a few residing there, happen to look quite similar to the people that you will be profiling under this new law, irony of ironies.

If the Native people had passed an immigration law like this, none of y'all would be sitting on these shores yawping about how you need to keep their relatives out of what has now become your country.

And since arguments about human rights and Constitutionality and racial discrimination and profiling don't move you, consider this: you're about to lose a large proportion of your already brutally exploited undocumented labour force. This should translate into high prices for produce (who the fuck do you think picks your goddamn tomatoes and lettuce?) as well as for heavy labour. Say goodbye to your maids, gardeners, dishwashers, busboys, waitrons, casual labour, at low, low wages. Say hello to paying a fair wage for a fair day's work, and, yeah, food prices are going up again, so maybe this will help your goddamned diet?

In the interest of helping Arizonans stay thin and focused, this blog highly recommends you hie thee over to this here site and boycott Arizona until they figure out that they're violating the Constitution themselves (14th Amendment thereto), and that their very attempt to regulate immigration is a further violation of the Constitution, as this is an issue for the Federal Government to decide. Funny how all those Tenth Amendment States' Righters are keeping their fetid gobs shut about this one.

Must be too difficult to talk out both sides of one's neck on this issue, eh?

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Any Sane Republicans Left?

I know I've asked this before, but the latest wave of Republican KrayZ has me mind boggling aboot like a boggle in a bog. And I mean bog in the worst way.

No, srsly. Lookit dis one:

Chicken Sue

This here crazy-eyed person is the latest in the Republican Trifecta of KrayZ Wimmen Running 4 Ofc. (The other two being Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann.) Now, don't go thinking that we at this fine blog gratuitously insult people at random. While it's true that we insult people as often as we can in as vituperative a manner as we can manage, it's never gratuitous. And none has worked harder to earn our coming vituperation and open mockery as Chicken Sue Lowden.

See, Susie here is running against Harry Reid of Nevada. I'm not wild about Harry Reid. But he seems to be a hardworking soul, if somewhat timid and obsessed with procedural detail. Still, he does get things done, and he does seem to have some basic common sense and decency. Also, and this is important in this era of the Holy Trinity (Palin, Bachmann, and Lowden), he is not crazy.

Susie, on the other hand, well, now, let's just say she might someday give Michelle B a run for her money in the "aliens have eaten my brain" category of KrayZ. See, Susie wants to repeal the recently passed health care reform — that part's OK, all the Republicans are yowling about repealing health care reform — and she proposes that we replace our current vastly inadequate system of payments for health care with individual barter. For example, says Sue, you could pay your doctor with chickens.

I'm trying to envision what the fuck my surgeon would have done with all the chickens he would've had to charge me for my recent knee replacement. Is this woman serious? Is she for real? How many chickens for the anesthetist? The attending nurses? The surgical team? Surely we'd need someone to manage the paperwork. And what about chicken transport? Sanitation laws?

Waitafuckinminnit, she's got ME doing it. Goddammit. The danger of actually trying to understand the KrayZ of KrayZ people is, you could go KrayZ too.

So. Some kind souls have created a site that allows you to specify how many chickens, or whatever, you can barter for treatment of your ailments. You can send your letter to Sue Lowden and she can help you find someone who will treat you for the specified number of bib jeans. Or whatever.

Bib jeans are very in these days, I hear. Tres chic. All the rage. Good luck.

OK, the KrayZ keeps snowballing. Some Republican dipwad from TN now wants to ensure vegan and vegetarian doctors will be permitted in this barter system. How many parsnips for a hangnail? What if your doctor wants mangoes from Fortnum & Mason?

Where the fuck do they find these dim bulbs, anyway?

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