Politics: Not Another Pervert!

Note: A failure of comprehension on our part led us to imply that Mr. Zimmerman The Pervert used ex-governor Jeb Bush as an employment reference. We have not found any indication that he did so. We apologize and retract our statement.

Whatthehell?? They're crawling out of the woodwork, and we regret to say they're mostly Republicans. We thought the Republican Party was the party of clean-nosed moral tightasses? Yet we see the Republican Party fielding, as its Presidential nominees

• a guy who married his second cousin, screwed around on her, had the marriage annulled by the Catholic church, married another woman, screwed around on her, announced his impending divorce to her on TV, used taxpayer money and NYPD officers as personal perks for the mistress (to whom he is now married), and presided over NYC while some of the worst human rights abuses of the decade were implemented; Hey, child-predator-defending Monsignor Alan Placa's still on Rudy's, er, staff, that's all one needs to know.
• a guy who looks like he's about to slide into a coffin, a frighteningly ugly actor with a reputation for stupidity and laziness during his political career and a trophy wife a quarter century younger than him, with shady stuff in her past about unpaid debts;
• a guy with ties to some of the sleaziest ethically-challenged wheeler-dealers accused of bribing politicians with whores;
• a guy who is a religious leader in a polygamous cult known for forcing teenage women into marriage with older men, who was tin-eared enough to suggest that his five strapping wealthy sons were serving the nation by helping elect him rather than, say, fighting the war in Iraq, like their less wealthy contemporaries;
• a guy who tells his fellow Americans to stick the Confederate flag pole up their ass (and you a preacher-man, too!) and jokes about frying squirrels in a popcorn popper;
• and a nasty, temperamental, ancient warmonger who is despised and reviled by his own party.

Some of this stuff we can overlook (if we keep the bottle of booze right close), but some of it - c'mon, people, are you fucking serious?

I guess not, since most of these schmucks have slithered off into the night, leaving the ancient warmonger and the squirrel-fryer.

And this guy. In case you don't know this guy, he's Al Zimmerman, spokesweasel for Florida's Department of Children and Families. And why, you ask, is his unprepossessing visage gracing your monitor today?

Because the miserable son of a thousand and father of none, the turtle egg, the spawn of a pestilential Komodo dragon, the leprotic arachnoid, apparent friend of Florida Governor Charlie Crist and former Governor Jeb BUSH, is facing eight counts of child pornography for taking photographs of two underage boys engaging in sexual acts. Say it with us, what's his job title again? Spokesweasel for WHAT???

These are the type of people that cause your host to pop a gasket. It's not like there's a worldwide shortage of interesting wonderful people willing to have interesting wonderful sex with you, Zimmerman, you foul spawn of a diseased armadillo. They're out there. They're putting plenty of personals online, in your local newspaper, fuck, you can even pay some of these people to do twisted things to you, if that's what rocks your socks. But no. You had to find somebody else's kids and do this to them, didn't you?

And in case you thought this couldn't possibly get any worse, it can. One of the kids involved was in the care of the DCF (Department of Children and Families). It adds to the sheer sliminess of this story.

What's more, Mister "Charlie Crist and Jeb Bush are is my references" was not subjected to a background check:

DCF chief Butterworth said the agency did not conduct an extensive background check on Zimmerman at the time he was hired, and he was not fingerprinted.

Although it was not the department's policy to do criminal background checks for Zimmerman's job classification, it was customary at the time, Butterworth said.

Now, I wonder why they didn't extend Mr. Zimmerman the courtesy of the regulation background check. Could it be because his references were was the current and the former Governors of the state? Could they have put the kibosh on any background check?

Because that omitted background check would have revealed these very interesting things about Mr. Zimmerman:

• DUI arrest 15 years ago in Georgia;
• possible outstanding warrant for grand theft of less than $500, Texas;
• 2003 arrest for writing a bad check, Florida.

Admittedly, it's not a long record of child sexual abuse, but would you hire someone with this type of questionable background for a sensitive position involving children at risk? Check-kiting and grand theft don't exactly speak to a background of ethical behaviour, do they?

Meanwhile, Tampa Bay Online is saying

Interviews with witnesses and the victims have led authorities to believe that Al Zimmerman, 40, may have done this before, Tampa police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said.

"We believe there are other victims out there," McElroy said. "We would like to make an appeal: if anyone else has had contact with him, if they could come forward."

Names of victims will remain anonymous, McElroy said. Anyone with information is asked to call (813) 231-6130.

Child sexual predators must be stopped. Each of them has many victims, and many of their victims grow up to be child sexual predators as well. If you know any children who know the suspect, or the two boys in this case, or who have been involved with the DCF, let them know that it is important for them to contact the police at the number shown and tell their story. They could be helping many other children avoid their own fate.

Of course, this could just be a "Republican in Florida" thing. You know, like these fine gentlemen.

Nah. There's just too many of them for it to be Florida's problem alone. This has been your edition of "Yet Another Republican Scuzzball."

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