2008 Elections: You Won't Have

Mittens Romney to kick around anymore, huh, folks?

Bring out the violins. We're guessing Mittens' five strapping sons, who have been too busy fighting the war against other Republican nominees to sign up and fight in Iraq, were getting worried about their patrimony.

Who knows, maybe Mitt found a horse's head in his bed yesterday morning. After all, Mrs. Romney has, we're reliably informed, a herd of dressage horses. We're guessing it was not that unkindest cut inflicted on poor Horsey that caused Mitt to come over all verklempt so much as knowing that the million or so that he spent on the beast was wasted once its upper end arrived in his bed minus the other end.

On the other hand, perhaps Mittens is the other end.

Whatever. We're just glad he's gone. Now if only McCain will pull one of his famously abusive screaming shitfits in public and then plotz. Leaving Mick "PopcornFriedSquirrel" Hickabee as the only Republican candidate. Because I'm guessing HickfromtehSticksBee won't go down well with anyone with an IQ over two digits and more than 10 years of schooling.

In an aside, before anyone accuses us of being a fucking snob, Janet Huckabee seems to epitomize a true Christian. Unlike those who pay lip service to the religion, she seems to act on her beliefs. We're atheists here (okay, Los Gatos worship Seelin Cat), but we respect those who do the moral thing, whether because of religious belief or some other reason.

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