Politics: YARS

That stands for "Yet Another Republican Sleazebag." Or "Sex Criminal," if you prefer.

Geez, louise, what is with these guys? They're almost all guys so far. I mean, there's Katherine Harris puttin' the moves on some young fellow, but hey, he's over the legal age, I think, and everyone knows Harris is fruity as a nutcake.

But it seems like we keep turning up stories of notable Young Republicans being busted for various totally sleazoid sex crimes. What is this, some kind of trend? You guys think if you want cover for your sex crimes, you should just join the Republican party and try to become some kind of youth leader?

Republican friends (yes, we have a few) tell us that the reason these scandals seem disproportionately Republican is, the Democratic party just lets it all hang out and approves of this stuff, so it's not a scandal when they get busted. We got a few words for y'all: Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Ted Klaudt, Ted Haggard, David Vitter - don't make us go on, OK? These guys are whoremongers, rapists, pedophiles, and sluts. And it's because they belong to communities that criminalize healthy natural loving sex and sexuality, not because they're all such fucking saints and just "happened" to trip and fall and land on some other guy's dick. Sheesh!

Anyway. On to your latest and greatest scandal. Ex-aide to Willard "Mittens" Romney and outstanding young Iowa college Republican Matthew Joseph Elliot, who actually had the gall to run for a seat in the Iowa state legislature, has been arrested for sexually exploiting a minor.

West Des Moines police arrested Elliott while they were investigating the death of 7-month-old Alexis Gilbert, according to KCCI8-TV, found dead in her family's home where Elliott was staying. Elliott has been questioned, but not charged in relation to her death, which has been ruled a homicide. Gilbert's mother, Kristina, is 16 years of age, and her family has refused to explain Elliott's relationship to the family, according to the Des Moines Register.

Charming. The Iowa Sex Offender Registry, which lists Mr. Elliot among its featured members of the community, states that the age and gender of his victim are "unknown." Let's hope it was the mother or grandmother of the dead child, and not the child, with whom Mr. Elliot was involved.

Sheesh, these people make us ill.

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