Politics: Don't Go Away Mad

Just go away.



McClatchy poses the question today of whether Dumbfuck McBlotto, our (decidedly un)esteemed Escutcheon-blot in chief, is "going out with 'a whimper'." Frankly, McClatchy, who gives a fuck? We just want him to go, preferably to a narrow, cramped, poorly-lit prison cell where he can rub the heads of all the baldies he can get his hands on. The sooner the better.

While academics opine on Dim Son's astounding lack of popularity, the common people are watching basic food prices soar out of reach even as the value of their homes, the stability of their corporate employers and their financial institutions, and the value of their currency sink lower than a worm's arsehole.

So, as Maru over at WTF Is It Now? likes to say,

The popular war preznit has regained his footing... oh, I'm sorry, Mr Broder, make that [insert real-life stumblebum's latest stumble]

Considering that the pathetic, wretched little asshole can barely behave in public, it's hardly surprising that that fact seems to be registering with record numbers of his fellow-citizens.

Meanwhile, it's heartening to realize that there are some Republicans with ethics. Stephen Spoonamore, founder and CEO of Cybrinth LLC, an IT policy and security firm, has stepped forward to help an anonymous whistleblower prove that professional slime mold impersonators and cybervote machine manufacturers Diebold improperly interfered in Georgia's 2002 elections.

So we now know we have fucking Diebold to thank for that ambulatory turd, Saxby Chambliss. In case you didn't know, Chambliss prides himself on holding up monies to combat AIDS in Africa, as Cernig points out over on newshoggers. He also doesn't care much for SCHIP, The Endangered Species Act, the fight against global warming, women, life (except for "unborn children," i.e., fetii), environmentalism, science, civil rights, taxes for the rich, bankruptcy for the poor, education (except for school prayer), or pretty much anything except prisons and the death penalty.

In heartening news today, Iraqi PM Nouri al-Maliki announced his support for Barack Obama's plan for a phased withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq. In even more heartening news, Chimpy McDumbfuck's pathetic minions sent the news about Maliki's support to the press &mdash by mistake. In even more heartening news, Jowly McGrumpypants (thanks, Maru!) camp issued a succinct evaluation of this news: We're fucked, they said, which makes us really happy, since Gramps McSnarly is the last person to help this poor nation get back on her feet. Shoot, he's having trouble keeping his own. And, he's definitely showing signs of dementia or otherwise eroding mental function, not that his mental function was much to brag about in the first place.

It's also nice to know that McCain is exhibiting a level of fiscal stupidity that reinforces our suspicions about his dysfunction. And to no one's surprise, McCain's elderly, probably racist and certainly ill-informed supporters are displaying a lack of enthusiasm usually reserved for Matlock reruns. Really? It must rub salt in the wound to hear that art collectors believe McGrumpypants artwork is worth nothing, while Obama artwork is selling for tens of thousands of dollars, eh, McJowly? Of course, you'd have to be more than slightly off to find portraits of CottageCheesyJowls McSnarlfester remotely exciting, but hey.

McAncient's inability to keep his festering gob shut may have caused security problems for Obama: Blabberjowls McScarface apparently announced to the press that Obama is expected to be in Iraq this weekend. Hopefully, he'll be greeted with flowers by an adoring population, since he's the only candidate to espouse a definite timeline for the withdrawal of our troops. Of course, when someone else blabbed about a person being in Iraq, McCain was simply furious. But then, the subject of the blabment was his son, not his political rival.

The good news is coming thick and fast today: Multimillionaire whiner Phil Gramm, who just last week told us (before Starbucks announced it was closing a bunch of stores and laying off staff) that we were whiners suffering from a "mental recession," has stepped down from McAncient's campaign. Good. Goodbye, and good riddance, Phil. And quit whining.

Meanwhile, the Mighty Munchkin of Justice has decided to investigate Felon McChimperson and Snarly McCrashcart's minions' surveillance of harmless peace activists and expending much-needed taxpayer money on police officers to do so, instead of fighting crime. But then again, why bother to fight crime when you can turn prisons into a high-paying privatized industry, with the citizen taxpayers doing all the paying.

This is what happens when we elect Democrats, people. Sure, it's going slowly, slower than many of us would like. But let's not forget that the past eight years has been nothing but incompetence, fraud, lies, cheating, hypocrisy, deceit, and the tearing down of this great country. It's gonna take a while to fix the mess, and if we're going to try to hold anyone accountable, it must be done in a way that they cannot overturn. And that takes a little time.

For those who don't want to click the above link, it's to a Washington Post story about the current, Democratic governor of Maryland, who has reversed his Republican predecessor's policy of having the State Police conduct surveillance of peace activists and anti-death penalty protestors. What a waste of taxpayer money!

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Media: Chris Matthews Is An Idiot

Chris "Water On The Brain" Matthews

And a raving, sexist, misogynistic, buttkissing idiot, at that. Having stuck his foot firmly in his mouth by predicting that Hillary would get steamrollered in New Hampshire, he then subjected the great listening public to more verbal diarrhoea by promising never to underestimate Clinton again.

The very next morning, he decided sticking his foot in his mouth was not enough, so he stuck his head up his ass all the way to the esophagus. He attacked Clinton as viciously and stupidly as only he can do. Listen for yourself:



Not one word of substantive criticism of her focus-group and poll-centered campaigning. Not one word about her ties to lobbyists and corporations. Not one word about her ineffectual positions on health care and her failure to achieve anything other than positing mandatory insurance.

Just stupidity and venom. And having covered himself with poop, he then goes on to find the septic tank and slather himself with the contents of that as well. Geezus Christ, you pathetic, lame-assed idiot, just quit now before you fall into the sewage plant. You're already so not smelling like a rose. In fact, you're just plain smelling.

He couldn't get enough of Fred Thompson's "manly smell." Obviously, he prefers sniffing men to substantive journalism.

(Thanks to Undie Lib over at WTF Is It Now?, who spotlighted it first.)

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Politics - Gross Old Perverts Do It Again

Always entertaining Maru points us to episode 212,000 of Republican whack-a-mole: The chairman of the Republican Party in Brown County, Wisconsin, has just been busted for sexually assaulting underage teen runaways and supplying beer and marijuana to them.

I don't have a problem with parents giving their children access to alcohol and marijuana in moderation. Any parent knows the kids are going to try that stuff sooner or later, better they should do it at home under supervision in limited quantity than out somewhere in the world where they could end up falling-down drunk or stoned and get rolled, killed, ass-beat, or whatever.

That said, I have a huge problem with unrelated adults offering teenagers access to drugs and alcohol. Mainly because they're not likely to have the child's best interest at heart. Like this hypocritical godbag, what's his name, Donald Fleischman.

What the fuck is he doing with somebody else's teenage son sitting half-naked in his apartment all stoned and drunk? Busted not once but twice? If that was my kid, I'd be kicking Fleishman's pasty ass up one side of Brown County and down the other.

This has been your daily episode of Republican Whack-A-Mole. The Gross Old Perverts. Your party of "bringing morality back into Government." Check out the "wide stance" on that elephant.

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Politics - Gonezalesgate, Mary Beth Buchanan Edition

Senator Patrick Leahy

Now, Senator Leahy does not look like a happy man. In fact, I'd go so far as to say he looks downright irascible. Not the sort of person you'd want to piss off. Especially not now when he's chairing the Judiciary Committee.

I daresay one Mary Beth Buchanan, hitherto U.S. Attorney for Pittsburgh and vaunted "rising star" of the current establishment is destined to find out, and in short order, all the nuances of "irascible".

Perhaps the best example of the Bush administration's law enforcement priorities is Mary Beth Buchanan, formerly the U.S. attorney for the Pittsburgh area. Ms. Buchanan is widely considered a rising star in the Republican party. Her career has been carefully incubated in the Bush Justice Department, both under first Attorney General John Ashcroft, and under Gonezales.

Buchanan's most famous case as attorney general was "operation pipe dreams," in which some 2,000 law enforcement officers spent $12 million in taxpayer dollars collaborating to arrest 55 people for selling glass-blown bongs over the internet. The trophy in those arrests was actor/comedian Tommy Chong. Despite having no criminal record, Buchanan went after Chong with zeal, because, she said, he had glamorized the use of marijuana in his movies. Chong received the harshest sentence of any of those arrested.

Buchanan was also the first U.S. attorney to take up Attorney General Gonzalez's challenge to go after pornographers. She filed precedent-setting charges against the porn producer Extreme Associates, a company that isn't even located in her district. It was the first time the federal government has brought an obscenity case in more than a decade. Her case was later thrown out in federal court.

What the fuck is this worthless skank doing in the Justice Dept.? Dope and porn? With all the real crimes occurring around us, she's focused on dope and porn? Oh, yeah, I forgot - she was hired by the most worthless skanks around and has faithfully fulfilled their agenda.

Thanks to reader Jim for putting me on the trail of skanky harpy-in-training Buchanan. Credit to Maru for the monicker Gonezales. Details here.

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Welcome, fellow Crankpots

A warm welcome to all the visitors from Maru the Crankpot's very snarky site! C'mon in, take off your socks and shoes, help yourself to whatever your heart desires.

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