Caturday

Yeah. Dat Ting.

It's that time of the week again, and we at La Casa de Los Gatos send love to all the good people of Boston. Man, y'all had a hellacious week!

Fortunately, it's over now and y'all can sleep. Rest. Take it easy.

Meanwhile, over in TexASS (sorry, y'all. You know we here try to keep the love flowing in all directions, but right now TexASS is totally on our shit list), this-all happened.

The death toll is up to 14. It's a small town, so that's a lot. Neighbours are rallying around, which is great.

What's not so great: That outrageous IdiotAsshole Rick Perry, the erstwhile governor of a once-proud state, an imbecile who can't count to THREE without prompting — remember when he wanted to SECEDE from these fine United States? — well, now that cheap-ass motherfucker with his rhinestone boots and his mushmouthed drool wants a "quick turnaround" on federal aid money. SAY WHAT, you asshole? Say FUCKING WUT? Are you on your knees yet? Is your begging bowl up?

Now a governor's duty is to help the citizens of his state as and when needed. We all understand that. But do the rest of us need to help people who CREATE their own problems? Remember how unsympathetic all those pork barrels, I mean, Southern legislators, were when it came time to help the dying BLACK victims of Hurricane Katrina? Why, some of them actually got up on their hind legs and averred it was an Act of God. Though what kind of God drowns helpless sick old people in their beds, you gotta wonder. When people were losing their homes and livelihoods as a result of Sandy, those selfsame assholes averred as how people had "made bad choices," and must put up and shut up, since it was their own goddamned fault in the first place. Nice. Real nice. Assholes.

But this here dumbass MOTHERfucker, Rick Perry, he SLASHED funding for firefighting in his state. TexASS has had droughts nearly every damn year since I can remember, and BAD wildfires, too. Lil Ricky thought he was so damn cool, cutting those budgets, snippy-snippetty. So he could make the REST of us pay for his refusal to spend on his own people? What kind of idiot slashes firefighter funding by 75% in a state prone to droughts and wildfires?

This kind. Idiot.

And that's not all. Here's that humbugging manwhore with his tattooed eyeliner, DroopyDawgII, aka Ted Cruz.

Image from http://tonightsforecastdark.blogspot.com

This cheap piece of shit wannabe Texan — yes, born in Cuba, emigrated to Canada, then decided Americans were stupider and easier to con, maybe — had the unmitigated GALL to vote against relief for victims of Hurricane Sandy. Remember that, y'all? Remember when your friends and relatives on the east coast were shivering their asses off in winter, homes destroyed, cars wrecked, kids killed? Occupy was asking people to chip in for sandwiches and blankets for the victims?

That's when this worthless gusano, this perro, this piece of dog shit you would scrape off your shoe, stood up and voted AGAINST aid for those people THREE FUCKING TIMES. Now this piece of shit wants Federal money — OUR fucking tax dollars — "all available resources," and he wants it pronto.

If you have a Twitter account, go let him know what you think of this. He's @SenTedCruz. If you *don't* have such an account, consider getting one, especially if you're from NY/NJ/MA. He wants your tax $$? Tell him to film himself kissing Chuck Schumer's ass first. Both cheeks.

Think we're being too hard on Texas? Read this, from Alternet:

[...] in 2008, the Center for American Progress found a fertilizer plant that stored millions of pounds of anhydrous ammonia in Pasadena, Texas to be among the most hazardous chemical facilities in the country, with more than 3 million people living in range of a worst-case ammonia gas release.

Anhydrous ammonia will blow your shit all to hell. You know. Like what just happened to that little town of West.

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Mint MorMoney is a Fucking Twat

Jesus Christ, this guy is a complete fucking twat.

And before you get on my case for calling him a Fucking Twat (which he IS), watch the entire video. Anybody here employed over the last 40 years? Remember when life was good, you worked hard, the boss gave you a bonus at the end of the year? Remember what happened around, oh, say, 2000? When companies started outsourcing jobs, and it seemed like raises kept dropping, or being eliminated altogether? And every year you were told there would be no bonus, or a reduced bonus? And then they started implementing performance targets for bonuses, so that it didn't matter how hard YOU worked, if your team, your group, your department, and your DIVISION didn't make their targets, you, the lowly schlub, could just kiss that bonus goodbye?

That's when Bain Capital was making Mint MorMoney all those millions. That's how come he has $300 million or more in his bank account, and you're lucky if you can feed the kids something that DOESN'T have rice, beans, or Hamburger Helper in it.

Mint MorMoney (copyright Helen Blazes)is a complete and total fucking twat. And if you want him as President, if you stay home and fail to vote for Barack Obama, don't you let me hear you whine ONCE, NOT FUCKING ONCE, about how there are no jobs and millionaires got tax breaks but you're paying more than ever. Because if you can't see that that's what he has planned, then YOU'RE a fucking twat, too, and a very STUPID fucking twat, at that.

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Caturday!

Well! Hasn't this been an exciting week!

• Bishop Willard "Mitt" RomneyCare started the week claiming to have created 100,000 jobs while at vulture corporation Bain Capital, but ended it whimpering something about "6,000 jobs."

• After claiming that Romney won the Iowa state caucus, the GOP had to reverse itself and announce that Santorum actually won (Headline: Santorum easily slides ahead?)

• Jon Huntsman (who? Oh, c'mon! You know! The guy who was polling at 1% or lower but the media still insisted he was in the race, even while refusing to let Buddy Roemer or Gary Johnson speak!) finally took his two million dollars worth of dental work and three hot daughters out of the public eye by announcing that he's dropping out of the race.

  In a slap-in-the-face to all the "liberals" who love him (because the Republicans/conservatives hate his motorcycling ass with a passion), he endorsed Bishop Willard. WTF, Jon? Y U treat us so bad, after telling us that schmuck was unelectable? Did the Temple Leaders threaten to take away your planet, or what?

• Rick Purreh finally took pity on a suffering America and took his moronic undereducated dumber-than-the-last-Texas-hick ass back to N*****head Ranch where I guess he's keeping the local coyotes in fear for their lives and asking God "Why? Why me, Lord?" as he weeps incoherently into his bourbon-and-branch.

  Whom did he endorse? None other than "amoral jewelry-debt piglet"* Newt Gingrich, the man with the plan for trinkets from Tiffany's.

• Meanwhile, the Godbag Faction of the Republican Party met last Sunday to anoint Santorum as their Chosen.

  No, not with santorum, you sick little puppies. In any event, those Fuckus on The Fambly turds, those Christianist Bible-bashers and homo-haters and misogynistic morons of Rightwingnuttia decided that their Not-MittRomney candidate would be Rick Santorum. These assholes were totes backing (P)Rick Perry just last week, so, talk about pivoting on a dime here. Faithless sluts.

• Perennial punching bag and media slut-moron Sarah Palin apparently has lost even more of her brain to whatever deadly disease was making her spew word salad.

  After being informed that Newt's second wife, Marianne Gingrich, would be interviewed by ABC right after the South Carolina Republican debates, Babble Spice snorted that this would help Gingrich soar. Puzzled media bobbleheads have finally figured out that she meant Newt's amoral and perverse sexual shenanigans might have left him a little *sore,* or something. **

• Over in Wisconsin, the Recall Walker campaign announced that it had received more (lotsmore) signatures than the minimum required to achieve their aim. Down, down, down goes Snotty Wanker, erstwhile governor of Wisconsin and rent-boy for the Koch Bros.

So, what's the deal, Republicans? Are y'all just tired of being a party, or what? Because this is some pretty weak fucking sauce, here, jes' sayin. I know we here at La Casa de Los Gatos have been saying for a while that President O could just cold phone it in, but, man? Do y'all have to make it so EASY for him? Y'all spent six years telling us he was a weak-ass n*****, a compromiser who caved on everything and apologised to everyone and bowed to foreign leaders and was morally weak. Meanwhile, he's been kicking y'alls asses nine ways to Sunday every day of the week.

I have heard Republicans telling me for six years or more about the fight against terrorism and how y'all are going to follow bin Laden to the gates of hell, and y'all know where he is and will take him out but only if we elect you (WTF? Treason much?). So, do we wanna talk about who might actually have taken bin Laden out? Because, you know, I don't remember that Republican President we had before Mr. Obama, you know, the one that NOBODY seems to want to talk about, I mean, they're *still* talking about Clinton and Carter, but you know, that guy, seems like everyone's done gone and forgotten about him, when he said he didn't care about bin Laden any more, and he disbanded the task force that was supposed to be looking for bin Laden, I don't recall ONE SINGLE Republican saying anything then. Not one word about following him to hell, or they will pay, or none of that shit. No, sir. None a that shit. And now Mr. Obama, he took out that Mr. bin Laden, and he took out that Mr. al-Zawahiri and he took out a whole bunch of these here, what the Republicans was calling "terrorists," round about ten years ago. He took them all out. And what do you suppose our fine Republican friends did about that? Did they say "Thank you, Mr. Obama"? Did they say "Thank you Mr. President, for keeping our country safe"? No, sirree, they did not. They said he illegally invaded a sovereign nation. These people, who had no problem with the US invading the sovereign nation of Iraq, which was NOT involved in any attacks against us, got all upset because Mr. Obama had to send a surgical strike team to take out the man who masterminded the most recent attack on American soil, who was being sheltered on Pakistani territory, by our "allies." Imagine that. Did you think you'd live to see the day when a bunch of "America, right or wrong! America, love it or leave it!" assholes would be more upset about the rights of those who shelter our enemies than about our right to pursue those enemies who kill our citizens?

And when he's not the Caveman-in-chief, he's supposed to be some kind of Superman who is singlehandedly preventing yon teabaggers from getting anything done while shoving unpopular measures down the collective throat of the American people. He's a Marxist, a Stalinist, a Fascist, and an Islamist, he controls the courts (which, nevertheless, stubbornly refuse to rule in his favour on certain issues, why, no one can say). He's using mind control techniques to hypnotize the weak willed sheep who are cowed by his bullish tactics even as they are seduced by the pork he proffers. Geez, no wonder we're obese. Half our metaphors are about spectator sports and the other half about food. Oh, NOEZ!! He's forcing states to take care of sick people, disabled people, poor people, babies and children who might be hungry, starving people, old people! How AWFUL!

What the FUCK kind of world are we living in where these nutbags can turn reality into something resembling sausage, i.e., chopped up, mixed up, and stuffed up a pig's anus? Seriously. There is a styful of pigs on the Republican side of this election. Fortunately, it's thinning. Still, the choices fucking suck.

So it's off to Florida for Mittens and Newt and Rick Santorum and Ron Paul, while the rest of America stabs itself in the eye with a fork over and over and over, just to dull the pain.

Happy Caturday, y'all!

* Forever indebted to Kirsten Boyd Johnston of Wonkette for the so-fitting sobriquet of "amoral jewelry-debt piglet" for Newtie.
** Apparently, Bobblehead Barbie was correct, and them South Carolinians just LERVE them some amoral pigfuckery of the adulterous, wife-dumping, intern-humping, vow-breaking Nouveau Papist variety. Newt Gingrich just won South Carolina.

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Attack Of The Killer Slimeballs

It's here at last! The war of the Horrible Wealthy Old White Male Republicans that will culminate in the re-election of Barack H. Obama in about ten months. And firing the opening shots is none other than everybody's favourite lard-assed pasty cannonball, Newton Leroy GinGrinch, aiming to take down Bishop Willard "Magic Underwear Mitt" Romney.

Check it out. Very nicely done, no?

Whaddya think? Can Mittens survive this? And the Bain Capital attacks?

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Jon Stewart Nails It

As always. Right out of the park. And remember, he taped this before last night's Iowa rout:

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Watch for all the Repubs to start tearing at Santorum now.

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Sally Kern, Ambulatory Fecontainer

If you didn't already know who Sally Kern is, feel free to look her up right here, which is where we pinched this horrifying photo.

Sally Kern's bigotry doesn't just aim itself at Teh Ghey. She is also no fan of women or minorities (no, she doesn't belong in either category), as she evinced by this speech. So why should it even be news that this dreadful cackling cow is making yet another gay-themed grab at headlines? She's got a book out. It's titled The Stoning of Sally Kern. Regrettably, it's not an instruction manual. Stupid twat, I mean, twit. Can you imagine having anything at all to do with this fetid ambulatory pigshit canister? No? Neither can we. Yet, somehow, she managed to find something that would join loins with her long enough to spawn. There's a persistent rumour in blogtopia that her husband, Southern Baptist minister Steven D. Kern, was once a member of the KKK. There's also the little matter of her gay son. Srsly. Click that link to read an interview with him. If your gaydar doesn't hit 12 out of a maximum of 10, let us know. These people just make us hork a big fat fucking hairball, OK? Srsly. And then there are people like this in the universe, who renew our faith in humanity and make it clear that the Kerns of this world are not a reason to give up on all its beauty, wonder, and awe:

The reason you have to "deal with" homosexuality is because these men and women are our fellow citizens. America is the people who show up. The show up for work, school, volunteer. They show up in the military, the police, the fire department (and the fire department calendars). They raise their kids and watch out for their neighbors.

The lesson I choose to take from 9/11 is not the paranoid fantasy that "they" are destroying us. It's that people are good. On that day, they called home to say "I love you". They helped strangers escape the danger -- sometimes dying in the effort. They fought back and made God work like the devil to take their lives. And they didn't check each other's religion, sexual preference, political party or immigration status.

Wonkette commenter JustPixelz

Yeah. That. Also, kittehz. We at this blog don't take our responsibilities lightly.

Too, FUCK YOU Sally Kerns! FUCK YOU very, very much, you horrendous bitch. Why can't all the people who have a problem with their GAY FAMILY just deal with it and leave the rest of us alone?

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The Right Value Is Truth

The right value is honesty.



La Casa de Los Gatos don't know about you, and how you might feel about homophobia, but we can tell you how we feel. We here are goddamn sick and fucking tired of all these closeted dickheads fucking around with OUR lives.

Just this month, we've had closeted homophobe Roberto Arango* posting pictures of his rectum to a hookup site. A fucking HOOKUP site! Where gay/bi men post for quickie casual fucks. If you're gonna bully other men for supposedly being gay, Roberto, you shouldn't be posting your starfish as an invitation to any swingin' dick within ten miles, know what I'm sayin'? Is that too much to ask, you arrogant asshole? Nobody really cares, Roberto, that you like to have another man's throbbing cock in your ass. Just don't fucking rub our faces in it after REPEATEDLY voting against our rights, you miserable piece of shit.

And look, what have we here? ANOTHER fucking Republican legislator caught with his dick hanging out? With a teenage boy?

His defense? "I'm not gay. I don't know why I did what I did."

I'll tell you why, you dumb fuck. Because you are gaygaygayer than a flock of fucking larks. You were so hungry for that pretty boy's 18-year-old body, his slender shoulders, muscular thighs, bubble butt, beautiful satiny dark skin. That's why. You were dying to stick your cock in him and his cock in you and to fuck until you both lost your minds. That's why.

Phil Hinkle's constituents think he should resign -- for being gay? For lying about it? For working so hard against the rights of gay people? This is the guy, incidentally, who is responsible for the "In God We Trust" license plate legislation in his home state. So, Phil, "In God We Trust" for what? For keeping anyone else from finding out that our cock throbs for teenage boys? Sounds like you spent all your time in the legislature on bogus legislation like this, and keeping gays from marrying. Have a good time on the unemployment line, you dumb fuck.

Phil says he's not running again. We say, "Not unless it's from his constituents."

So, homophobic Republican legislators? It's OK for you to fuck us, literally, and then fuck us virtually by denying us equal rights? Because, you know, all that shit y'all are continually spouting about "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal," in the Declaration of Independence that you fucking claim to fucking worship? And all that crap in the Constitution about equality? You're not applying it to us, are you, when you vote against our right to marry and have families?

It's time for war on your hypocritical asses, y'all. Just come out of the fucking closet, admit who and what you are, and start acting like people, not ignorant fucking homophobes, OK? Because if you don't? It will be the civic duty of each and every one of us to do our best to expose you.

You hear that, girlzNboyz? If you've been schtupping a Republican legislator, it's time to let the whole world know. Start with the newspapers.

And now, to take the edge off, the gorgeous and brilliant Sara Benincasa sticks it to MishMash BatShitKrayZMann. Enjoy!

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Rick Santorum Wins

TWO awards!

World's Biggest Fucking Crybaby WHINER
Dan Savage's PayAttentionToYourName Slapfest

YAY, DAN!

Dan Savage's New Threat to Rick Santorum from Dan Savage

Now, Rick, don't get all huffy and LIE and pretend you don't know why the gay community is upset with you, you smarmy little shit. You know damn well your nasty, homophobic, closeted little mind has been squeaking forever about how much you HATE the gay. Judging from the number of gayhaters who have been exposed as complete and total fucking SISSYMARY QUEENS, it's probably time you shut up about that already, before Dan takes you out, or your boyfriend finally speaks up.

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Don't Forget To Give Thanks!

OK, this has to be an act of genius:



Really. Thank Fuck you very much, teabaggage.

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Cain: He's Not Able

Another day, another disaster for the Republican KKKlown KKKar KKKandidates.

Srsly, how embarrassing is this, anyway? Looks like Herman Cain is down for the count and sinking. First, the candidate was forced to acknowledge that he had only $13.00 in his "Hermanator" PAC.

Then, he reported his fundraising hauls for the current quarter: $2.5 million. Which sounds really impressive, until you realize that that is the smallest amount ANY of the candidates has raised this quarter, and about half of what Timmy "FeeFee" Teapawz raised. Pawlenty raked in the smallest amount of the other WHITE candidates, and Cain raked in about half that amount. Pretty sad, ain't it?

The teabaggers talk about how Herman Cain *proves* they're not racist (Why? Because he's a self-hating black man who's willing to give cover to white people attacking our President?), yet they won't give him their money.

You know, just like when they made Michael Steele chair of the RNC, but immediately took away his ability to disburse money. They're not going to trust no black folks with money! Come ON, Herman! Where have you been for the last 60 years, Uncle?

Well, the news just gets worse for poor ol' Uncle Herman. Here we all were enjoying our nice, long, warm, summery Fourth of July weekend, and what was the Hermanator's organization doing? Pooping all over him in Iowa, that's what. Yup. His Iowa people just up and quit on him, en masse.

Hermie's trying to put a good face on it, his current spokesweasel claims they've already got replacements lined up for all the rats wut done jumped his sinking ship. But srsly, how lame is it that your entire campaign staff ups and quits? And, worse yet, accusing each other of homosexual affairs? What is this, high school?

But srsly. I don't think Uncle Herman will be with us much longer.

Oh, yeah, and some of that money he "raised" was his own. The old man actually broke down and put some of his own Hermanbux into the race. What a fool. He's actually paying for the privilege of hanging out with a bunch of rich old white guys who would be yelling at him to fetch their drinks if he was even allowed in their fucking country club.

Bye, Hermie. Wish I could say it's been nice, but I'm kinda sick and tired of us Brownz siding with the majority against our own and doing the dirty work of trying to take down one of the best Presidents this nation has ever had — for them.

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The Michele BatShitKrayZMann History Channel

OK, disclaimer: this is probably the first time I've ever seen Conan O'Brien. I had no idea who he was till today.

I think I like this guy. He is Teh Funnay.



Enjoy!

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Jon Takes On Pox Ooze

Because, you know, nobody — I mean, NObody — does it quite like Jon:



Ahahahahahaha!!!

Thank you, Jon Stewart, for making it possible to live another day. I swear to fucking god wut I doezn't b'leev in, if I have to read about one more hypocritical GOP-goober cutting funds for Planned Parenthood, or posturing about "job creators," I'll ... watch this clip again.

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The S_Trump_et Whores On

We mean, of course, The Donald. Or should that read "whoreson"?

Today, our President, Barack Hussein Obama, released the long form of his birth certificate.

Ordinarily,this form is not available for viewing except to those having a personal interest in it — which is to say, the person whose birth it records or other immediate family members. Hawai'i's privacy laws also do not permit the State to release the original copy to anyone. The President requested a waiver of such laws in order to release this piece of paper.

No other President — nor even any nominee for the office — has ever been required to prove their citizenship. So let's be perfectly straightforward and clear about this whole brouhaha. Had President Obama been white, the question would never even have arisen. On what grounds do I assert this? These:

• John McCain was never asked to produce his documents, despite the fact that he was NOT born in the US;
  

  
  

• Birfers are trying to change state and Federal laws — and possibly even the Constitution — to take away the right to citizenship jus soli, i.e., by virtue of having been born on US soil. They are also trying to alter the right to citizenship jus sanguinis, i.e., by right of blood. Currently, the Constitution recognizes both conditions as conferring citizenship. "Birther bills" on the State level actually require potential nominees to have *both* parents born on US soil. The fact that this would exclude Mitt Romney (whose father was born in Mexico) and Donald Trump (whose mother was born in Scotland) hasn't yet penetrated their crania, I suppose.
  

  
  

• These are the same people who, when Arnold Schwartzenegger the foreign-born brainless Austrian bodybuilder was making his stab at power, were willing to amend the Constitution to allow him to run for President. Yet they're not willing to accept the mixed-race child of a white American mother as a "real American" without making him leap through hoops despite what their OWN FUCKING LAWS SAY.

I'm furious and disgusted with the media's complicity in all this. With their endless bullshit, their boob job coverage, their fertility stories, their Royal wedding coverage, their bullshit about the teabaggers who can barely get 300 people to show up for most events, their refusal to cover the 100,000 who marched in Wisconsin. I'm sick of it. So I found this video on Crooks&Liars, which I cannot recommend highly enough. Please to watch. And then please spread the word. Because he's absolutely correct, every word of it.

Contact NBC and let them know what you think. They really need to hear from people.

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Sing Along With Me, Children

Sweet mother of GAWD, the Republican lineup for the 2012 elections is getting worse by the minute. I'm afraid to laugh as hard as I want to in case I piss myself.

Then along came Ms. Mollybean1 and posted SadnMad's delightful little ditty that sums the motherfuckers up pretty accurately, don'tyathink?



I mean, Christ, look at this pack of dimbulb stooges! The President can just phone it in at this rate, yes?

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Is It Just MEEEEEE?

Or are the protestors in WI drowning out the Witch of Wasilla?



Something like 6,500 people showed up in WI today. Why? Skanky Wailin'Failin'Bailin' Palin was giving a word-salad speech. AP (worthless corporate cocksucking shills that they are) claims that "hundreds" of te@b@gging Kochroaches showed up, and were met by "hundreds" of union supporters. But, if you look at this clip, it's pretty obvious that "hundreds" of teabaggers might have showed up but they were completely and totally outnumbered by THOUSANDS of union supporters. Who managed to shout Skanky's speech down. Go, WISCONSIN! Show us how DEMOCRACY'S DONE!

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For All Teh Nice Lady-People

This one's for you.



Yup. "Git fucked" sounds about right, and if you can't find a convenient page to fuck, yer hand will do fine.

More delightful bare-knuckle beating available here.

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What The FUCK Is Happening To This Country?

Unbelievable. Glenn Blech has just attacked a volunteer debate moderator from the League of Women voters.

What is it with these people? Fucking everybody is fair game? What are these fuckers up to? Ever since the day our President was sworn into office, Glenn Blech, Flush Rimbowl, and Pox Noose have been attacking him, and those of us who support him, despite the fact that 65,182,692 of us voted for him.

If you didn't want to click the linky, these are the linked incidents:

• FL gunman shoots exchange students;
  
• List of far-right politicians inciting violence;
  
• Murder of the Holocaust Museum guard;
  
• Murder of Dr. George Tiller;
  
• "Dirty bomb" materials found in RWNJ's home;
  
• TN skinheads arrested for plot to murder President Obama;
  
• Assault on WA activist Christie Stordeur;
  
• Assault on KY activist Lauren Valle;
  
• Arrest of a Democratic voter at a session for Eric Cantor;
  
• Intimidation of elderly black voters in TX;
  
• Attempted voter intimidation by teabaggers in TX;
  
• Reports of teabagger targeting of minority voters for harrassment coming out of many states.

There's lots more, not covered here. In OH, a McDonald's franchisee sent his employees a flyer telling them that if the Republicans win, they can expect bonuses and raises. Otherwise, fugaddeboudit. And, face it folks. This 24/7 demonization of anyone who isn't a fucking rightwing nutjob has gone too far.

It's one thing to attack your political opponents. But when you start attacking the fucking majority of your fellow-Americans because they voted for a black man in the White House, you are going TOO goddamned fucking far. For eight years, y'all told us, "Suck it up. Your side lost. Deal. You're either for us or agin' us. America — love it or leave it."

When does it get to be your turn to fucking suck it up? Y'all lost TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO, and all we've heard since then is threats, abuse, and promises of violence. And Pox Noose is at the heart of it all, spreading a seething discontent by feeding the fantasies of the worst of the worst. All along, y'all have been able to claim that none of you instigated this violence, this assault on the Constitutional liberties of the people. But now, stuff like this starts happening all over the place right around the elections, and it becomes clear to the rest of us who aren't stark barking mad, as the denizens of the TeaParty (what party? They're not registered as a party) appear to be.

Srsly. I don't want people who look or think like these pignorant dorks in charge of the country. Do YOU?

Raw Story commenter Sue Wilson says:

It's time to realize that Glenn Beck has 14 million radio listeners compared to 2 million Fox viewers. Radio airwaves are publicly owned, and we the people can and must demand accountability from broadcasters. Early next year, I am launching a project to empower communities to challenge stations' licenses. Why? Read here: http://retwt.me/1PsNH How? http://retwt.me/1PkA I need your help. I need specific instances of inciting violence on the radio. Not hate speech, our lawyers say it has to be inciting violence. I need date, time, host name, station call letters, and most importantly - audio. You get me these, I will challenge the stations' license. We the People are Taking the Media Back!

Sounds like a wonderful idea. When do we start?

If you like what Sue Wilson has to say, you can follow her on Twitter at @sueblueswilson.

And get your ass out there bright and early tomorrow and FUCKING VOTE. Unless you really want pignorant acephalic swine making the laws that will affect you and your children for the next 4-10 years.

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Arizona Gets Teh Big Ugly

Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona

 

 

 

 

 

It would appear the "illegal alien" hysteria that Republicans whipped up to scare all them scary brown people away from the polls is having dubious effects, at best. Raw Story tells us that the State of Arizona has already incurred costs of close to half a million dollars defending the deeply flawed legislation that is at the heart of this battle, SB 1070. 

Apparently, one of the effects has been to reveal Arizona Governor Jan Brewer's true nature. We don't often pick on people for their looks here at La Casa de Los Gatos. We much prefer picking on their character flaws. But every now and then one comes along that just leaves us flapdoodled.

I mean, lookit, this lady has money. She's not some poor slob who works two jobs fourteen hours a day to put food on the table. And she obviously spends a good bit of that money on her appearance. I mean, the dye job alone is keeping a good part of the chemical and fashion industries employed, heah!

So, what, Jan, did the plastic surgeon want to charge by the yard to get rid of those dreadful frown lines? Perhaps if you worked on your inside a bit, you know, took time to see the good and beautiful around you, those dreadful lines would fade. After all, wrinkles should, you know, convey character. And yours are not conveying anything nice about you at all.

She's not a nice person, Jan Brewer. She lies about all kinds of stuff, and most of what comes out of her mouth is hateful and false.

Looks like it's catching up with her, though. She's off her game, and as the cost of defending this ridiculous piece of legislation goes up, up, up, she's stumbling and stammering and falling apart. Couldn't happen to a more deserving person.

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Republican Scandal Of The Week

ICHC Very Demotivational

I'm actually wondering if I should change that head to read "Republican Scandal of the Day." Because, yaknow, there's just no keeping up with those motherfuckers.

Every time you turn around, there's yet another one in the paper, on your TV, at some Web site, saying or doing something totally unacceptable or getting busted for not keeping their pants on.

I sure do miss the days when the Democrats had all the sex scandals and the Republicans stuck to what they do best — robbing the people blind.

CA State Senator Roy Ashburn

Forgive me for not covering all the other scandals — Rand-Away Paul's reprehensible comments on the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the right of private property owners (even those who do business with the public) to discriminate; Roy Ashburn's sudden 180 on LGBTQ rights after he got busted driving drunk with a young man in his car, having just left a GAYGAYGAYGAYGAY bar; Professor George Rekers, married (can you say "beard," children? I knew you could) co-founder (with James Dobson) of homophobic organizations Family Research Council and NARTH (one o'dem "cure teh ghey" groups) and his rent boy (who gives ass-levitating massages, I hear); et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseam. Because, frankly, I'd be here all day with stubby bloody little finger-stumps if I tried.

Meet Nimrata Randhawa Haley. Nimrata seems to be suffering the same Westernizification disease that has afflicted Louisiana governor Piyush Jindal. Just as Piyush became "Bobby," so Nimrata has become "Nikki" in her attempt to please the Betty Browns of this world.

Nimrata "Nikki" Randhawa Haley

In case you didn't know who Betty Brown is and don't want to clicky teh linky, Ms. Brown is the Texas State legislator who asked Americans of Asian descent to change their names to names that are "easier for Americans to deal with." Thereby implying, of course, that such Americans are not, you know, real Americans. Well, she won't have to worry about Nimrata and Piyush. Any American, even an Asian-American, can say "Nikki" and "Bobby."

Nikki Haley is a South Carolina representative in Washington, D.C. Apparently, a former colleague of Nikki's, one Will Folks, claims they've been boffing. They met when they both worked for South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford (yeah, the guy who was "hiking the Appalachian Trail" on Nude Hiking Day, when he was supposed to be in the office, or at least reachable by his staff, not to mention his wealthy wife who bought him the job).

At the time, Folks was one of Sanford's top spokesweasels. It's not clear exactly what Haley was other than a hot mama with a nice booty. However, Folks apparently is leaking the nasty details of their affair in a slow drip to the South Carolina press. None of it has convincing probative value, but a lot of it is pretty damn suspicious. For one thing, Mr. Folks apparently worked for Ms. Haley's campaign at one time. During which period, some 700 telephone calls were made, mostly by Ms. Haley to Mr. Folks, many of them late at night, and some of them lasting several hours.

Ms. Haley defends herself with the claim that she works hard and works her staff hard as well. (Perhaps she should have avoided the word "staff.") That's all well and good, Nikki, but if my spouse got on the phone at 11 pm and stayed on for three fucking hours, I would not be a happy camper at all. It would take some smooth smooth talking and lots of excellent sex to quiet my suspicions, if you know what I mean. And she was calling him at 2 am and talking till 5 am. OK, so, what's the story here, Nikki? I work hard too, but I would never call a colleague at 2 am. I would assume that they were sleeping the sleep of the righteous and just.

We've all pulled all-nighters, sometimes several days or weekends in a row. Would you feel it was cool to call a colleague who was not also pulling an all-nighter, after 10 pm? I sure wouldn't. Hell, I've been chewed out for calling people after 8 pm, especially if they have young children.

And three hours? Seriously, girl-child, if it takes you three hours to discuss your bidness, you in the wrong line of work.

The most interesting thing about this very strange and creepy story is, Ms. Haley has yet to deny it. She's said things along the lines of she doesn't want to give any weight to this story and it's not worth her time and energy and yadadadayada. But she hasn't actually denied that she had an affair with the guy. The furthest she has gone is to say:

"I have been 100% faithful to my husband throughout our 13 years of marriage," Haley said in a statement. "This claim against me is categorically and totally false."

See, now, it would have been so easy for Ms. Haley to say, "I never had an affair with Will Folks."

But that's not what she said. And we hairsplitters know there's a difference between lying outright and lying by implication.

More to the point, Ms. Haley said she "barely knew" Will Folks. That's quite possible, of course, we don't all know every single one of our former colleagues or employees well. But if you make 700 phone calls to someone, some of them lasting two or three hours, it gets kinda hard to argue that you don't know them well. People I don't know well might get one telephone call a year from me. On the other hand people I'm screwing like a bunny, yeah, I'm so there with the three-hour phone calls (much as I hate using the phone) and the everyday emails and shit.

Oh, and Nikki Haley has the endorsement of Scary Failin', aka Babble Spice. Who was rumoured to be screwing her husband's business partner some time ago, although the guy sealed his court records so none of us will find the hard evidence. Birds of a feather, and all that.

OTOH, you know, given that soon-to-be ex-Governor Sanford was making the beast with two backs (or whatever else he was doing) with Maria Belen Chapur, the Argentinian beauty for whom he dumped his wealthy wife Jenny, just recently; Lt. Governor Andre Bauer (also running for the same post) recently informed a shocked nation that giving welfare to poor people just encourages them to breed like stray animals; Third-string Repugly candidate Gresham Barret, polling at a whole 16% has won the endorsement of Darth Cheney himself (that should be teh kiss of death right there) — nah, we still hope she loses to the Democrat.

Satan always asks, "WWCD?"

Now, normally, we at this fine blog could give a fuck who's fucking who, you know? The more people fuck the less likely they are to be beating the crap outa each other, right? OTOH, the Scary Failin' ranks of Fambly Valyooz hypocrites really, really get our fucking goat. We'd like to see them all pilloried in public, pelted with rotten fruit and past-use-by-date eggs. They fucking suck because they want everyone but their sick sad selves to abide by rules that they themselves can't live by.

So, Nikki, here's a little song for you from the South Carolina electorate — Why don't we get drunk and screw:

Stumble It!

OK, What-All's in the Water Down South?

Anybody know?

Because, yaknow, we here at La Casa de Los Gatos are having some serious problem understanding what the fuck is going on.

ICHC

Let's start with last week's little fiasco. A math teacher in Jefferson County, Alabama apparently decided the best way to teach his students about geometry was to give them a hypothetical about the correct angle to use when attempting to assassinate the President of the United States.

President of the United States in the Oval Office

Excuse me, what the fuck?

They finally put the sum'bitch on leave, but I'm willing to bet it was paid leave. And it took them forever to do it. Apparently the only reason the school put him on leave at all was because they were flooded with irate calls from all over the country. However, you'll be relieved to hear that the Secret Service did pay the little asshole a visit, which probably gave him diarrhoea for a week or two. Here's hoping it left teh burn of overuse and chilli dogs on his hemorrhoids. Fecking eejit. The school has not released his name. Wonder why? For those of you who care, his name is Gregory Harrison, and he teaches, or taught, at Corner High School.

So kudos to those of you who called. Until you did, the school was going to "have a conversation" with him. Probly along the lines of "Don't say stuff like that again in public, dood."

Martin Luther King's Assassination

Now, back when the Bouchebag Gee, Dumb? Yeah! was in charge, this is how teachers who did anything similar were treated:

Steve White, a science teacher at West Limestone High School near Athens, Alabama, was fired in 2006 after showing a film clip to his class in which President George W. Bush, members of his staff, and conservative personalities were referred to as "a–holes."

Incidentally, White was a Democratic candidate for the Alabama House of Representatives at the time. Imagine that, fired for telling the truth! I mean, how many people on this planet would disagree with the conclusion that conservative personalities are assholes? Geez, perhaps they're not. Perhaps they're GIANT MAJOR FUCKING OUTRAGEOUS SYPHILITIC ASSHOLES! There, I feel better already.

OK, it might look like I'm pickin' on poor ol' 'Bama, what with that story about the right Reverend or whatever you call those Baptist preachers, you know, that guy Aldridge with the two wetsuits and a condom-covered dildo stuck up his ass; followed by that darling little story about the homophobic, anti-sex-toy Attorney General of the State being busted by his wife schtupping his GAYGAYGAYGAYGAY male aide in the marital bed.

But, trust me on this, we're equal opportunity oppressors at mi Casa, just like Dear Old Mum. Catholic, as it were, in our hatreds. In fact, our next story takes place in Lumpkin County, Georgia.

I know. WTF were those dumb lumps thinking when they named the fecking place?

In the event, another fucking high-school teacher in that god-forsaken place apparently decided it was cool for her high-school advanced placement students to study racism by filming themselves cavorting around in — you guessed it, Ku Klux Klan costumes.

http://badgals-radio.com/

Except she didn't mention this little fact to anyone else in the school.

Imagine the surprise of the black and brown kids in the school who are sitting there eating their lunch when in come a bunch of assholes in Klan sheets with pointy hoods. Excuse me, Catherine Ariemma, what the fuck were you thinking? So far so bad, but here's where things take a turn for the abso-fucking worst.

The Klan-costumed kids start taunting the black kids and end up by inviting one of the black kids to join them in re-enacting a lynching.

Lynching

We leave it to you to determine what part the black kid would have played.

Stumble It!