Politics: Today's Gay Republican Scandal

What IS it with these Republican hypocrites, by the way? Look, fellers, if you're gay, bi, trans, queer, conflicted, searching, whatever, nobody really gives a fuck, OK? It's OK to be who you are, and nobody can choose who they love. Sometimes your heart goes pit-a-pat for someone of the same gender. That's fine, as long as they're a consenting adult. If there is a deity somewhere, it probably has way more important stuff to do than worry about whether you're getting it on with the same sex or the opposite sex.

But don't be flapping your festering gob bleating on and on about how bad Teh Gay is and how you'll catch Gay Cooties from having once had a roommate who accidentally shook hands with a gay person in a previous life. Because it just makes you look like the clueless doof that you are when you get caught with your lips on someone else's forbidden and tantalisingly naughty bits. As in, totally reinforces your hypocritical stupidity in the mind of anything with more brain power than a slime mold.

Today's pathetic example of a gay-bashing hypocritical stupid clueless nasty little Republican shill comes to us from the pages of Gaywired, which is reporting that this fine upstanding (snicker) basher of Teh Gay has just been caught, literally, with his pants down:

Troy King

This here fine citizen is none other than the Attorney General for the fair (hmph!) state of Alabama. Mr. King,

a conservative Republican Christian who has called homosexuality the 'downfall of society,'

to quote the article, just had his wife walk in on him while he was schtupping his male assistant in the marital bed.

Okay, guy? First thing. Never, ever, ever, EVER! schtup your squeeze in the marital bed. Never. It's just a low-class thing to do. Gay, straight, whatever, if you're fucking around on your partner (and really, why would you do that in this day and age when you can get a divorce or negotiate an open relationship?), don't do it in your marital bed. It shows a total lack of respect for your partner. Plus, it's really fucking stupid, because you know, your poor partner could, like, walk in on you! Doofus.

Second thing &mdash this here is Mrs. Troy King:

Paige (Mrs. Troy) King

Now, we have no doubt at all that Mrs. King is a sweet and good woman. But can you say "beard," children? Because if you're looking at Mr. King and Mrs. King, you're looking at a classic "I'm so far in the closet I'm pooping clotheshangers" gay guy and the beard he married so he can pretend he's not gay.

Ladies? If some guy who looks and sounds like Troy King proposes to you, get all your friends with working gaydar to check him out thoroughly before you say yes. You know, like, has he hired any male assistants with whom he regularly goes out of town on "business"? Would that person happen to be, like, totally gay? Is that person a Homecoming King?

It's always worse when you've been together long enough to have kids. And yes, the Kings have three. Briggs, Colden, and Asher. Who the hell names their kids Briggs, Colden, and Asher?

Some examples of Mr. King's virulent homophobia:

King called homosexuality the downfall of society when he was a law student in 1992 and frequently wrote homophobic editorials in the student news paper.

"The existence of the Gay-Lesbian Alliance on this campus is an affront to the state of Alabama, its citizenry, this university and its students," King wrote.

King also expressed opposition to the idea of a gay family structure.

"I often hear the argument that homosexuals who live together create a loving, caring family environment, perhaps an environment which is even superior to that which can be provided by a heterosexual couple. In this day of rampant decadence, many homosexuals would mislead society into believing that three men, an armadillo and a house plant create a functional family."

Mr. King, who is responsible for Alabama's ban on sex toys, has since been spotted doing the "inappropriate" at the YMCA (geez, Troy, couldja like lay off the stereotypes for a minute?) with his boytoy. We wonder if it involved sex toys.

On the plus side, the little creep was once considered a potential frontrunner for Alabama Governor in 2010. Looks like the Republicans will have to try and find someone who is not porking his boyfriend/college roommate.

Incidentally, King, who is a McCain supporter, has repulsive political positions on many issues other than Teh Gay:

As a law student at the University of Alabama, King wrote frequent editorials for The Crimson White in condemnation of gays, affirmative action and abortion. In his editorials for the student newspaper, King called homosexuality the ‘downfall of society’ and said AIDS could be cleansed from America if “this nation’s current purveyors of perversion would refrain from committing sodomy.”

Be nice if he had taken his own advice and refrained yada da da, huh? He's pro-death penalty. He wore an electronic monitoring bracelet while agitating for more serious penalties for convicted sex offenders and parolees. He's opposed to gambling (we're not wild about it, but this religously-inspired nannyism is unpalatable to us). And he has some dubious ethics. Here's some more of Mr. King's wisdom, from his Web site:

When the Protection of an Unborn Child bill was being threatened in the legislature, Attorney General King helped put it back on track and now, Alabama's children are protected whether they are in the womb or in the world.

General King has prosecuted illegal gambling, corrupt public officials, and murderers. He is a familiar face at Parole Board hearings where he defends the rights of victims and their families.

General and Mrs. King are the proud parents of three young children. They are members at First Baptist Church in Montgomery, where General King teaches three-year-olds' Sunday School.

What kind of public official refers to himself as "General," when he's never served a day in the military? Or is he a "General" in Gawd's army, or something?

What a sanctimonious hypocrite!

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