Caturday!

from our friends at icanhascheezburger.com

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HAPPY CATURDAY, EVERYONE!
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How Come Juneteenth Isn't a National Holiday?

How come ... okay, I do realize that we live in the United States of Amnesia ... but how come Juneteenth isn't a major holiday in this country? The end of slavery ... isn't that one of the most important, profound events this country has ever had? All the struggles, pain, deaths that went into the movement towards that goal!!!!

This country was built on the strenuous efforts, the enormous strength and hardship and deep deep pain of those folks that were kidnapped from their homelands.

It's hypocritical isn't it ... when rich folks talk about kidnapping of their family members by "extremists" ... it makes it sound like it is the most heinous crime -- that is if freedom fighters are doing the kidnapping. But those same rich folks don't talk about slavery like that. Maybe ... maybe the words come out of their mouths ... but if you watch closely ... the passion is not there.

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From today's Writer's Almanac:

On this day in 1862, the U.S. Congress outlawed slavery in all United States territories. This congressional act nullified the Supreme Court decision known as the Dred Scott case, decided five years prior, which prohibited blacks from ever becoming U.S. citizens.

But few were actually freed on this day. At the time, the country was about a year deep into the Civil War, and most states that allowed slavery had already seceded from the Union to form the Confederacy — and were not taking orders from the United States Congress. Abraham Lincoln was still working on drafts of the Emancipation Proclamation, the final version of which wouldn't be delivered until the following January, about six months later. And even that would have little immediate effect on freedom in many states, since the South had a separate government with different laws.

The state of Texas was the last state to continue to allow slavery after it had been abolished in all other states. Then, on this day in 1865, exactly three years after Congress officially outlawed slavery, a Union general and 2,000 troops arrived by ship into Galveston, Texas, to announce to that the North had won the war, that the Emancipation Proclamation was in effect, and he would be there to enforce it by military means. With this, the last remaining slaves in the nation were finally freed. And it's because of this event that today is an official holiday in about three dozen states, called "Juneteenth" day. Some of the biggest Juneteenth celebrations in the nation are in Austin, Texas; Portland, Oregon; Chandler, Arizona; and San Francisco, California. They're traditionally jubilant festivals, which revolve around big picnics.

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I Don't Care If It Rains or Freezes, Long As I Got My ... Oops!

Touchdown Jebus

Well, darn! Looks like gawd's sending somebody a little message. Apparently, this ol' honkin' thing you see in the photo up there is a fucking six-storey statue of jeebus calling a touchdown on the side of some freeway in Ohio. Gawd must not have been happy about the morons who built this fucking thing spending a quarter of a million dollars on shit like this while her children starve and suffer, because just today, she laid a touchdown on this fricking statue (thank you, gawd).

Yup, she burned the gawd-damned thing right down to the ground, leaving only the twisted steel skeleton and some bits and pieces of foam, or so says the news.

Now, who the fuck would put up some bullshit like this, instead of doing what Jeebus taught?

These bozos, that's who:

The 4,000-member, nondenominational church was founded by Bishop and her husband, former horse trader Lawrence Bishop.

Lawrence Bishop said in 2004 he was trying to help people, not impress them, with the statue. He said his wife proposed the Jesus figure as a beacon of hope and salvation.

Horse trader? I mean - is that fitting, or what?

They're actually going to rebuild the fucking thing, idiots that they are. Listen up, Bishops. If you claim to be following this weird hippie guy supposedly born a couple of thousand years ago, you know, one of them Ay-rab types with a big hooked nose, I'll bet, some real dark skin, beady black eyes, a big ol' beard and a Jewfro that made him look a foot taller, well, here's some things he said that you might prefer to do rather than spending all that money on something else that gawd might zap a couple years (or weeks, hopefully) down the line:

"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.

Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?'

And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'"
(Matthew 25.35-40 ESV)

See, I don't remember that jeebus dude ever saying anything about making big ol' statues and idols to worship. In fact, I think he was pretty much against that kinda shit. So take that money and do one of two things with it: Feed some hungry people, visit some sick people, or jailed people, clothe some naked people — or convert it all into metal coins and shove them individually up your lardy asses.

ICHC

Stumble It!

BP And The Gulf Coast Disaster

I'm — we're — all so pissed off about BP and the disaster off the Gulf Coast, it's eating away at our innards daily.

When you're reading fucking bucketloads about war and colonialism and racism and the Holocaust and things of that ilk, it's really not a good idea to be at a constant simmer of fury.

So alla youse, please join me in thanking Stephen Colbert for, once again, putting this shit in perspective.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Oil's Well That Never Ends
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

There's still tons to be done, and for Christ's sake, would all the fucking idiots out there stop obsessing on what POTUS is wearing or how many new gray hairs this shit has given him? I fucking couldn't care less. I'm sick of seeing John Boner weeping oleaginous tears all over his fucking fake tan in public. I'd rather have my president do exactly what he's doing, which is meeting with experts and working on fixing the problem. If y'all don't have anything else to do with your time, get your fucking ass down to the gulf and try washing some fucking birds, for Chrisake.

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Arizona Racist? You Decide

OK, remember when the State of Arizona and its Queen of Prunes, Jan Brewer, passed SB 1070? That hideous piece of legislation that basically criminalizes all brown people who might cross the State borders or dwell therein? And Jan Brewer even dragged Scary Failin' away from her special-needs child to come help whitewash the law?



Less than a month after that, Brewer signed into law HB 2281, which will ban ethnic studies in that benighted state. No more Native American history classes for the half-million Native Americans living in Arizona. No more Mexican history classes for the 2.x million American citizen Latinos who comprise one-third of the state's population.

Meanwhile, the state has begun targeting teachers "with heavy accents." The state has not specified which accents it finds unacceptable. However, the fact that Latinos are being audited, and white teachers are not, makes one go "Hmmm."

Given that during the 1990s, Arizona hired native Spanish speakers from Latin American nations for its bilingual-education program, one can't help but wonder what the difference is between those apparently well-qualified yet accented speakers then and now.

The year George Bush was elected, Arizona voters passed an English-only bill, and bilingual teachers switched to English-medium classes. Those teachers have, apparently, been teaching their students just fine for two decades. But what a coincidence! Now that SB 1070 is law, their performance has miraculously degraded in a mere matter of weeks to an unacceptable level. These teachers will be "reassigned" (to what? If their accent is deemed to be incomprehensible to their students, what purpose is served by reassigning them, and where will they go? And if it is not incomprehensible, what purpose is served by such reassignment?) or fired. Of course, the fact that Arizona is facing a dire shortage of teachers is not even mentioned. Does that rate another "Hmm"? Hell fuckin' yeah. In fact the number of "Hmms" these actions have, and should, cause has us all here sounding like fucking hummingbirds.

Together, the Latino and Native American population of Arizona comprise approximately half the total population. And that, apparently, has some Bush cronies really worried. Apparently, Arizona racists like Russell Pearce, AZ state senator who thinks Latinos breed like bunnies, is hoping that by creating this legislation he will force undocumented migrant workers out of the state, and bugger all the documented American citizens who end up thrown in jail or out of the country because they don't have their papers on them.

And before y'all get all self-righteous on us with "That would never happen, the law says no racial profiling," go read these here links and then make up your mind.

Let me tell you just how bad things are right now: Some fucking witless bunch of teabaggin' ball-slurpers in fucking Ohio has announced a contest. Winners are invited to spend a week in Arizona "chasing aliens," and are reminded to "bring their green cards" with them.



This is why we all need to protest whenever shit like this happens, people. The idiot who dreamed up this incredibly insulting racist shit got his quantity of assholes increased by several as irate citizens contacted his radio station. The station manager has since apologized for this piece of shit (who has yet to offer his own fucking apology, by the way). So keep it up. You might not think you're being heard, and you might not think that you make a difference. But you are, and you do.

Without your calls and emails and letters, these fuckers would just have carried on being the fucking fuckety fucked fuckacious assholes that they've always been and will always be. At least now they know we're listening and if they don't want multiple rectal orifices, they'll quit spewing shit out of them.

Mind you, this is far from over. Just this month, artists painting a mural at a school in Prescott were told by the principal to lighten the skin colour of the pupils that they painted in the mural to a lily shade of white. Excuse me, what the FUCK? WHAT? These are actual real fucking live fucking children who attend this fucking school, the mural is part of revitalizing the downtown area, funded by a private organization and depicts the actual fucking children for christ's fucking sake!



How crazy fucking insane do you have to be to insist that black and brown children who attend this school be depicted as white? FTA:

City Councilman Steve Blair spearheaded a public campaign on his talk show at Prescott radio station KYCA-AM (1490) to remove the mural.

In a broadcast last month, according to the Daily Courier in Prescott, Blair mistakenly complained that the most prominent child in the painting is African-American, saying: "To depict the biggest picture on the building as a Black person, I would have to ask the question: Why?"

You would, you fat wrinkled rapidly aging bigot. Jesus. Holy quacking duckshit! What kind of people are these. It never occurred to me (or to any of you, I'll bet) to ask the question "Why" someone decided to paint a black face in a mural. Of course, the principal is now claiming this was simply a question of art, not actually whitening the children. Yeah, right. Just like your fucking laws aren't racist, Arizona.

You'll be happy to hear that the parents and teachers love the mural as it is. Upon questioning, the principal admitted that he had received a whole three complaints about the mural. As for those miserable fucks who drove by to scream epithets like "Nigger" and "Spic" at the kids who were helping on the mural, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves, but you're troglodytes, so you aren't. Fortunately, there's not as many of you as you thought. You pigs. Oh, wait, that's a terrible insult to pigs which are actually very nice animals.

At any rate, a big thank you to those of you who complained. Steve Blair has been fired from the radio show. Your right to free speech has not been infringed, Mr. Blair. You're free to get on your soapbox in the local park anytime and yell your hate speech. You're not free to use the public airwaves to felch the haters though. So fuck you very much, and may you live the rest of your life in a bitter oblivion, you anal afterbirth.

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For Teh Laydeez

ICHC

Actually this is for terrorist nun Sister GTG, who sends me kickass links like these.

Today's celebratory story is about one Ms. Rosalina Ruiz, a 4-foot 11-inch 100-lb. bundle of serious dynamite! Ms. Ruiz works as an aide to elderly patients, and needs her car to do her job. So when she was washing said car at 4:30 fucking am, and some hulking idiot (6 feet tall, 200 lb) jumped into it to steal it, she went all deadly motherfucker on his ass.

She jumped into the car, screamed, yelled, pulled the keys away from him and basically kicked his ass nine ways to Sunday. I'm guessing she seriously damaged his nuts along with his um, manly pride, because when the cops showed up 15 minutes later, they picked him up without a problem.



I'm not recommending anybody do what Ms. Ruiz did, but it sure does warm the cockles of my heart to see this feisty little lady beat ass. Oh, yeah, she's 45 years old. The story doesn't say how old he is, but it's a fair bet he's half her age or younger. And, she's cute as well as feisty.

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Note to BP's Executives

If you're a real environmentalist, you'll cover yourself with mulch right up to your neck and then shoot yourself in the head.

- T.C. Boyle

... from an interview with Michael Krasny ...

[of course, we know they're not really environmentalists ... they are the antithesis]

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Who's Watching BP's Bank Accounts?

The wheels turn in my mind. I started thinking today: Is anyone watching British Petroleum's bank accounts CAREFULLY? We wouldn't want them to quietly move $$$ to secret accounts, now would we? Then, when it comes time to pay their V-A-S-T debts to all the creatures of the earth, they would plead ... "gee we're broke."

Don't be silly now and think it's only going to affect the Gulf Region. Come on. You've learned a little something in the past few years on earth, haven't you? Well ... haven't you?

And ... do we really want to trust that Monsanto will not create an equal catastrophe in agriculture? When ... when are we going to stop ruining the only environment we've got? What kind of a future are our children going to have if we keep trusting these GREEDY PEOPLE?

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The New Yorker Blasts British Petroleum

(Please forgive the rip where I tore off my address label.)

The cover is definitely blasting British Petroleum -- as all creatures of the planet should do.

However, you open the cover to the first 2-page spread of advertisement ... and what's there? A big ole honkin' Cadillac.


The folks at The New Yorker could have had the decency to put in a car ad for something that gets great mileage. This car (Cadillac CTS Sports Sedan) gets 18mpg.

And, of course, everyone who drives or heats their house is colluding a little bit with British Petroleum. Except -- and this is a big exception -- we would not have said "No no ... no no no ... we really don't need a safety device here ... a mile under water." We are a little more in touch with the fact that humans make BIG mistakes sometimes ... and maybe a mistake might happen with the oil well ... and the catastrophe would be awful. We would have thought that and opted for the safety device.

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Frankenfood

ICHC

If you've ever worried about corporations putting weird stuff in your food, and who hasn't — or about how the media disinforms and misinforms consumers in our endless battle to ensure that we're not being used as guinea pigs to help corporations like Monsanto make megabucks off our bodies and our lives, look no further than this site for information on one of the leading offenders.

Yeah, you say, sure. Well, I don't watch Faux Noise. But I'll bet you have friends, relatives, neighbours who do, and when you're out there trying to convince your fellow citizens that they should get informed about this issue and stop feeding their children, or themselves, shit that will kill them, well. See, the link up there (like the video below) tells you how Fox News basically won a ruling from an appellate court that says they're free to lie or distort the truth, fire journalists who try to tell the truth, sue them for trying to tell the truth, and win.

Here are the journalists, in their own words.



Srsly, folks. This is beyond disgusting. We already know corporations have no problem killing us all to make a few dollars more of profit. Just look at what BP has done to the Gulf Coast. The tourist industry, the fishing industry, the beautiful beaches, the living things all along that coast are dying or dead. And BP says oil could continue to gush from that undersea volcano till December this year.

So do your friends, relatives, and neighbours a favour, and tell them to watch the video clip and read a few of these articles. They need to know what is in their food supply and we all need to work together to make sure it's clean. I really don't want trout genes in my tomatoes, thanks. And I don't want Monsanto charging poor farmers for seed.

oldamericancentury.org

Fuck you, Monsanto, can't you leave our goddamn food alone, you bastards? You already own everything and everyone else, body and soul, motherfucking asshole dipshits.

To do something about these outrageous developments, click here. The link takes you to the Center for Food Safety site, which is publicizing a letter being circulated in the Senate and the House by Senator Pat Leahy and Rep. DeFazio, asking the USDA to maintain the ban on genetically engineered alfalfa. Everytime you or your kid get a sandwich outside the house, chances are there will be alfalfa sprouts on it. Well, we don't need singing sprouts for fuck's sake. No new laws need be passed, the Center (and these two worthy Congresscritters) just want the USDA to maintain the existing policies.

More action to take: Let's stop the Enviropig while we're about it. Do you really want to eat swine that have been engineered to include mouse genes? Probably not. Go here to keep teh Enviropig off the market.

Christ, what the fuck next?

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