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Thursday, August 07, 2008

2008 Elections: Oldy McMoldy's

not so good, really awful, simply terrible week.

Yeah, yeah, the polls claim he and Obama are tied. But we're kinda starting to wonder if there is a deity, because s/he is not exactly being kind to Oldy. Here's a few signs and omens, for those who believe in that kind of thing:

  • The Straight Talk Express bus was involved in a crash that left scrapes and dents in its side — and if that didn't hurt enough, someone slapped an Obama bumpersticker on it.

  • Minnesota Republican Governor Tim Pawlenty, a potential VP candidate for McCain, states that GOP candidates running for election should adopt a positive campaign tone "like Barack Obama." Oh, that had to hurt. No VP slot for you, Timmeh.

  • Paris Hilton totally kicked Oldy McMoldy's butt all over the InnerTubes;

  • Rage Against the Machine just announced that they'll be playing in a venue close to the Republican Convention at the same time as the Republican Convention.

  • Ron Paul's Campaign for Liberty will be holding its own convention nearby, with C-SPAN coverage. Oh, my.

  • Finally, Oldy McMoldy finds out that tire gauges actually do reduce oil consumption and is forced to concede the point after putting out attack ads and spending money buying tire gauges to mail to moronic Republicans who don't own one.

  • A donor to McCain tells the press that McCain is worse than Bush.

  • The bundler who collected for McCain from the donor is apparently being investigated for defrauding his business partner. What does the bundler do? He's a U.S. military contractor.

  • Finally, someone in the press asks McCain about his overwhelmingly negative campaign &mdash and McCain's response is simply awful. Anyone who has ever experienced domestic violence or child abuse or works in either of those areas will recognize it immediately. It's the old "You made me do it. If you'd only (agreed to a townhall, fixed chicken for dinner, not smartmouthed me when I had a headache), I wouldn't have been forced to (run negative ads, give you a blackeye, beat you bloody).

  • Paris Hilton's parents were so furious about Oldy McMoldy using their daughter in an attack ad, her mother as good as threatened that no further funds would be forthcoming.

  • Gramps Hilton, Paris' grandaddy, was so furious he called Oldy McMoldy's campaign to give them an earful.

  • Condi Rice says the U.S. would be safe as houses with Obama in the House. Oh, that's gotta hurt. No VP slot for you either, Condi.

  • Someone, somewhere noticed that Oldy McMoldy, who likes to refer to his opponent as an "elitist" is wearing a pair of Ferragamo loafers priced at $520, which is more than your humble blogger has spent on shoes in the past five years, cumulative.

    Our good friend Chuck Butcher, over at Chuck for ... points out that his work boots cost $380 a pair, but when you work in an industry where you need boots if you don't want to lose feet, you pay for the best you can afford. Oldy McMoldy, OTOH, wears his vanity loafers to Bakersfield to make speeches to oil riggers. Oooyah!

    Incidentally, the "elitist" opponent recently was asked about his tremendously cool style, and responded that he owns four pairs of shoes and five suits, and when they wear out he simply patches them and wears them some more. Doesn't sound as elitist as a $100 million fortune, a private plane, and $500 loafers.

  • Some people noticed that Oldy McMoldy was prompting his wife to compete in a topless, and sometimes bottomless, "beauty" pageant for the alluring title of Miss Buffalo Chip. Geriatric artificial tits — just what every biker needs for a woody.

  • And finally, to add insult to injury, Oldy McMoldy's good buddy, Jon Stewart, picked him apart on The Daily Show:

Note the competitors for the title of Miss Buffalo Chip at the very end of this clip. We're finding it very hard to believe Cindy didn't file for divorce immediately after finding out what the hell her senile husband was proposing.

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At 4:13 PM, Blogger Chuck Butcher said...

Thanks for the shout out. I decided people should see what those spendy boots look like.

At 4:50 PM, Blogger Lizzy said...

Who knew Paris Hilton had a sesne of humor??


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