2008 Elections: Uh-Oh

Something tells me Carly Fiorina, the world's most-hated CEO, is not a good match for the fumbling, bumbling campaign of John "Where's my fresh Depends, you cunt?" McInsane.

First, she stuck her right foot in her mouth by bringing up the issue of the many health care plans that cover the male erectile dysfunction drug, Viagra, but refuse to cover the cost of birth control for women. NARAL was only too happy to point out to Fiorina that McCain has repeatedly voted against birth control coverage for women.

Then she stuck the left foot in, calling for a fully-funded NCLB &mdash which her boss, John McCain, voted against. Says the Huffington Post:

McCain has consistently (though not always) voted against providing complete funding for the education legislation. According to the National Education Association, "Since 2003, McCain voted repeatedly against fully funding No Child Left Behind, resulting in an unfunded mandate that has continued to further tap local communities and states during an economic downturn."

If she'd had a third foot, she would have stuck that in when she "misspoke," or rather, lied about McCain's position on Roe v. Wade:

Fiorina's public reassurance to a group of former Hillary Rodham Clinton supporters in Columbus, Ohio, raised hackles after she said the Arizona senator "has never signed on to efforts to overturn Roe v. Wade."

But McCain has repeatedly underscored his opposition to abortion and has said on the campaign trail that the landmark law that protects a woman's right to abortion procedures "should be overturned."

Here's her fourth foot:

[...] she said that if the Bush tax cuts are repealed, as Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama has proposed, "23 million small businesses will see their taxes raised." That's because "23 million small businesses file their income tax as individuals. And so, when Barack Obama blithely says only the wealthiest are going to be taxed, he is ignoring the fact that 23 million small businesses file as individuals," she said.

Swampland writer Jay Newton-Small called the statement "terribly misleading."

"In fact, 94.5 percent of all (self-employed) entities ... had receipts under $100,000 in 2007," he wrote. "When running HP, did 23 million equal a few hundred thousand? No wonder she got fired."

A fifth foot should follow, based on her record with outsourcing jobs and her hideous performance as CEO of HP. She took a fine old Silicon Valley company and ran it into the ground. Of course, her response to this merited criticism is to cry sexism, but check out her own words on the issue:

"Carly Fiorina has talked about outsourcing and defined it as 'rightsourcing,' " [...].

And Fiorina, who laid off 18,000 HP workers during post-merger restructuring, once noted that her big mistake was that she didn't lay some off fast enough [,...].

Nice going, Carly. Be sure to tell the electorate that you walked away from the mass slaughter with a $21 million dollar package.

Finally, running out of mouth for feet, she managed to pull a doozy when interviewed by Bloomberg, says HuffPo:

Then she mentioned, in an interview with Bloomberg's Al Hunt, that McCain would be open to raising taxes on the wealthy, if in a creative enough fashion - a position sure to incur the wrath of anti-tax conservatives.

First off, McAncient has already stated

[...] that he would not raise taxes under any circumstances.

"In fact, I could see an argument if our economy continues to deteriorate, for lower interest rates, lower tax rates and certainly decreasing corporate tax rates, which are the second-highest in the world," McCain said on ABC's "This Week."

Something tells me Fiorina is not going to be McCain's Veep. Her stunning incompetence at HP was visible only to Silly Valley insiders. Her incredible incompetence at (potential) VP is visible to the entire electorate. Luckily, unlike the rest of us, she doesn't need to work. She's financially set for life. Bet there's a lot of former HP employees out there still hurting, though.

Hey, Carly &mdash be sure to get McAncient to tell you his favourite jokes. Here's one:

John McCain made this odious joke about Chelsea Clinton back in ‘98.

Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno.”

– Sen. John McCain, speaking to a Republican dinner, June 1998.

Any supporters of Hillary Rodham Clinton find this amusing? This is an insult to Bill and Hillary Clinton, to their teenage daughter, and to a dedicated public servant. It's an insult to women everywhere. It reveals clearly what John McCain thinks of strong women. It lends credence to the story that McCain called his wife a trollop and a cunt in front of members of the press.

Here's another one:

In Arizona, we’ve seen a pattern of this sort of humor. Long time Arizonenses remember the “seizure world” comment that poked fun at the elderly, ironic now that he’s the oldest candidate for president (I guess it was inevitable that it would become ironic). I managed to dig up this gem from his 1986 race for US Senate, as quoted in the Tucson Citizen:

Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, ‘Where is that marvelous ape?’

You know, there's a real violent streak of misogyny in that business about the woman being beaten senseless and left to die. Most of us who were born in the 20th century heard plenty of rape "jokes," growing up. Not all of them are this violent and repulsive. Here's one I heard as a teenager. The subject is repulsive, but it's more of a play on words than a paean to rape:

Woman: Officer, officer, I've been graped.

Officer: Don't you mean "raped"?

Woman: No, there was a bunch of them.

Still repulsive, but much less violent and nasty. So, Carly, you should ask Johnny Depends how he really feels about women, gal. Especially strong women. Maybe he'll treat you to a couple of inside jokes about brutal rape.

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