Republican Party Finds New Chairman
OK, it's been pretty depressing stuff on this blog lately, with war crimes and death to homosexuals and what all, so we figure you, dear friends and readers, are owed a little fun.
But first you have to read Michael Steele on climate change. Srsly.
See, Professor Doctor Michael Steele thinks we need to get rid of all existing climatologists/climate scientists and replace them with dudes who will help us "appreciate" climate change.
Fuck me, this is the kind of thing that drives your hosts at this fine blog to imbibe cheap rum at ungodly hours of the day. Here, in his own words, Professor Doctor Climateologist Science Dude Michael Steele:
"Let's get the smart, right scientists in place to help us understand and appreciate what's happening. I'm still trying to find the brother who told me, 'This is the temperature it should be.' So, you know, we don't know. The earth is a living organism and it changes. We all know what that is about, right?"Jesus fucking J.H. Christ on a pogo stick, Mikey, can I be the first to slap the stupid right outa ya? Ya fucking blivet!
That's all I need, dude, is a "brother" to tell me "This is the temperature [the world] should be." This is worse than his cow-catcher remarks. Is this guy on drugs? Because if he is, and they're legit, the fucking bastard should be sharing them so the rest of us can groove on what he's saying. Right now he sounds like The Brother From Another Planet. (Inside joke: The Brother From Another Planet is a fine, fine, movie, if you haven't seen it, get off your fucking ass, already; oh, and the lead character has no dialogue at all. Not a single word.)
So this is the deal, Mikey. They're gonna replace your ass. You thought your shuckin' and jivin' would get you this gig and keep it, din'tcha? First they took away your power to sign checks for the party (you KNOW they don't trust the cullud wit' da money, fool, wha'dja think, they'd trust you? After your money scandals?). Then they rehired the people you fired, to keep an eye on the books. Now it's "Byebye, Mikey." They'll gladhand you out the door. Maybe you can get a job on the weather channel.
Or posing for pitchers wif Young Rethuglicans.
Behold the NEW Chairman of the Republican Party!