2008 Elections: Why We'd Better Not Vote For McCain

Image from Planet Magazine

Gordon, over at Alternate Brain, got this from a friend of his, and OK, it made us laugh out loud, but yaknow what? It reads like the story of our fucking day:

[Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better, even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the cup of coffee I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coffee aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Coffee is getting cold, and I decide to make another cup.

As I head toward the kitchen with the cold coffee, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Coffee on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

The car isn't washed

The bills aren't paid

There is a cold cup of coffee sitting on the counter

The flowers don't have enough water,

There is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who I've sent it to.]

With a gimpy leg, and living in the house of a million stairs, the worst part is dragging ourselves up to the bedroom or the office and realizing we've forgotten why we schlepped up there, so we drag ourselves down, only to remember after 30 stairs, whereupon we drag ourselves upstairs again, only to find that we've forgotten yet again ...

And we tried writing it down on a piece of paper, except we forget what we did with the paper because we got distracted when we went to look for a pen and realized half the pens don't work, so we decided to clean up our pens, and ... never mind.

And we're decades younger than John McCain, with an IQ and memory in the 90th percentile. If we cain't remember shit, you can bet your ass he cain't neither.

So whoever you decide to vote for in the fall, don't let it be McCain.

Craig Mitchelldyer/Getty Images John McCain at the proctologist

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