War - Where Else We're Winning

Because it's not enough to "win" the war against hurricane damage and collapsing bridges in your own country. It's not even enough to start a pre-emptive war based on lies, and depose and hang the (admittedly despotic) ruler of a foreign nation that poses no threat to you. If you can't get your war jollies, what the fuck are you going to do?

I mean, imagine for one minute that you're a shallow, somewhat stupid, bugfuck crazy alcoholic coke addict who's never been a success at anything, and would be living under a bridge drinking out of brown paper bag wrapped bottles if your daddy didn't have loads and loads of money.

Imagine that somehow you hooked up with a fat, pasty Machiavellian who had a plan to present you as the front man in a massive con job. All you had to do was read stuff that your own private Machiavelli would hand you, and you could have a really nice House, a staff to wait on your every whim, well-armed studs to escort your sozzled troublemaking sprog around and keep them out of trouble.

You could ride your bike all you want, and you'd get a month or three of vacation every year, and people would look up at you and to you. If anything went wrong, you could blame everyone else. In fact, you didn't even have to do it. Your Machiavelli would. You'd just read the words he told you to say.

Sounds like a great gig, don't it? Except for the winning part, that is.

See, apparently we're winningly winning so well in Afghanistan that the desperate, beaten-back, almost-extinct cowardly Taliban are - horrors! - staging bold frontal attacks on us.

The insurgents attacked Firebase Anaconda from three sides, using gunfire, grenades and 107 mm rockets, the coalition said. A joint Afghan-U.S. force repelled the attack with mortars, machine guns and air support.

They must not realize we're winning.

Stumble It!