Entertainment: Today's Republican Hypocrite

ICHC

OK, Republicans, are you guys (and all two or whatever of you gals) running a contest to see who can be the biggest weenie-waving fucking hypocrite on the planet? Or are you just trying to make sure that the recession that you told us "wasn't happening" back when we noticed it happening doesn't hurt as much because we're laughing so hard at you?

Cos y'awl are just working this meme too hard, boyz'ngrrlz. I mean, thanks for the laughs, but, fuck me, children, when does this fuckin' stop?

Every day another Republican explodes in a welter of hypocrisy, greed, mind-boggling stupidity, and record-breaking shamelessness. What, Mark Stanford dumping wife and four kids to boink his mistress on Father's Day wasn't enough? John Ensign getting his Momma and Daddy to pay huge sums of money to his ex-best friend whose wife he's porking wasn't enough? Michelle Bachmann's increasingly unhinged pronouncements about how government healthcare would be cheaper than private (which, according to nutty Michelle, makes it a bad thing) isn't enough? And skanky harpy Liz Cheney appearing on every fucking TV screen 20 minutes out of every hour with her defense of Daddygumz' torture isn't enough.

Christ on the fucking cross, people! Maybe the plot is to make us all laugh so hard we'll die and then the rethugs can take back the country.

Today's plotter, in all his shameless glory: Tennessee State Senator Paul Stanley. What, you ask, did Senator Stanley do? Why, Senator Stanley, a married father of two charming Christian sprogs, a "Republican Fambly Valyoos 4evah!" kinda guy, you know, dumped his first wife to marry an attractive intern he was boinking — got caught boinking his latest intern and taking nude photos and videos of the whole thing.

OK, Stanley, I get it. Sump'n in the water out that way makes for teh abysmally stoopid in real life. And you're definitely a champion fucking (uh, literally as well) hypocrite.

But Jesus fucking J.H. Christ and his Black brother Harry, man! Even teh stoopid know by now that you don't videotape the whole fucking episode and you don't compound that level of idiocy by giving the tape to the chickie you were boinking after you already met her boyfriend who doesn't like you.

Christ on a fucking croissant! And then, guess what, Mr. IAmStoopidAndMyPantsKeepFallingOff is amazed, amazed, I tell you, that Boyfriend offers to perform a nutectomy on him unless he coughs up ten grand in small bills. Yo, Stanley, dude, you practically offered the guy a size 20 log to shove up your size 10 ass, be grateful he didn't make you bend over and take it in the tonsils.

ICHC

Holy quacking duckshit. And that's not the worst of it. This is why this fecking eejit deserves to go down into the Hypocrites' Hall o' Infamy. FTA:

State Sen. Paul Stanley only recently sponsored legislation designed to prohibit gay couples in his home state from ever adopting children. He has also opposed family planning services, explaining that his “faith and church” require him to “promote abstinence.” And Stanley has run as a “pro-family” candidate in his campaigns for the Tennessee State Senate.

Pro-family except for teh ghey. Promoting "abstinence" for everuhboddah else. And full o' faith and church that won't allow a body to plan their family without Stanley's Senatorial nose all up in their crotch.

With any luck, Stanley's current (ex-intern) wife will staple his pants to his crotch and he'll never be able to boink anyone else again. One look at the guy and you know nobody's boinking him for teh handsome.

Just quit, you guys. I mean, literally. Just every one of you Repuglies, quit your jobs, quit your lives, quit the human race. Because we can't take too much more of this.

Stumble It!