Politics: Mark Sanford

Oh, boo-hoo. Some pinhead opinionifying over at CNN is drilling in the Deep Well of Gall to tell us all we should not be getting outraged over Sanford's shenanigans. FTA:

We need to understand this situation for what it is: human weakness, poor judgment, personal longing and complicated relationships. The question is, how are we -- each one of us personally -- going to respond? I'd like to make a suggestion:

We should empathize.

I'd like to make a suggestion, too, dumbkopf — pull your cranium out of your rectum. Whatever happened between Sanford and his wife is their fucking problem (literally as well as figuratively). And while we enjoy bwa-ha-haaing at those holier-than-thou hypocrites who preach "fambly valyooos" out of one side of their ass while pillorying anyone who looks like they might have snuck a little sideline of horizontal samba, we empathize with ridiculous modern-day notions of marriage as being between one guy and one gal but not for teh ghey. (I can't imagine any gay person doing more damage to teh "sanctity" of marriage than, oh, Britney Spears, Mark Sanford, and all you other Christo-fascist yobs.)

The *real* issue for us here at La Casa de Los Gatos is, this dumb motherfucker took off work without making any arrangements for anyone else to take up his duties; and flew off to boink his girlfriend after LYING to everybody and their fucking sister-in-law about where he was going. He didn't call in, he didn't check that the whole fucking state hadn't been blown off the map during his absence, he didn't show ANY responsibility whatsoever.

When I accepted the last paid job I had, I had to sign a contract that said that if I missed work for more than THREE DAYS without notifying the office of my absence and giving them a way to contact me, I would be FIRED. And I was not some high-ranking corporate BigDick. Or some governor of a state, responsible for the lives, safety, and well-being of hundreds of thousands of other human beings. Just a lowly corporate worm. But them wuz teh breaks. We had that drilled into our heads by HR. If you want to take time off, fill out a form at least two weeks before you leave, explaining that you will be out of the office, the purpose of your absence (you could just put "vacation time," or "bereavement leave," or whatever, but that form had to be filled in), date of return to work, emergency contact number, approval of your immediate manager and approval of your manager's manager.

If you got hit by a car and were not dead, then you had to instruct your next-of-kin to call the fucking office, for crying out loud, and tell them that you were dying at such-and-such hospital and would return to work (or not) by such a date. So where does this motherfucking yobbo get off, just disappearing into the wild blue yonder? I'm supposed to empathize with this shit? I THINK NOT, mofo. Fuck that! What's so special about Sanford's Holy Taint? What, the rules don't apply to him?

To add insult to injury, the motherfucker paid for his boinking trip with taxpayer money. The state of South Carolina is in the shitpit for money, the unemployment rate is high and climbing, the governor stamps his little feet and whines about not wanting to take Federal money for unemployment so working people who've been laid off can put food on the fucking table for themselves and their kids, and he's got the unmitigated gall to take THEIR money to pay for his horizontal samba? And lie about it? Stealing, lying, cheating, irresponsibility ... this is what I'm supposed to empathize with? I'm supposed to happily susidize Sanford's knob-polishing ventures while surviving on cereal and water?

What planet are these dumb asses from?

And it's not like the guy has shown any shame and remorse for his utterly shameful acts. Today he's whooping on about how, like King David in the bibul, he is NOT, NOT, NOT going to resign. Hey, fuckface — you're not a king. You were *elected* governor. David couldn't be impeached. You can. And I sincerely hope you are. What's more, I hope your wife kicks you out on your ass, and your Argentinian bombshell takes up with someone younger, cuter, and hotter than you. Because you did her a big disservice too, you hypocritical bag o'dicks, outing the whole affair and crying in public about how you done your wife wrong.

Your wife is mega-rich, she'll soon get over your wack crap. And the Argentinian babe is muy hot, so I'm sure there's no shortage of guys lining up waiting for a smile from her. You're the asshole here, not either of the two ladies involved. You hit on another woman after years of mush-mouthing your "Praise Jeebus I R a Xtian man and the Lord totally blesses my schlong" crap. You had the balls to ask your wife's permission to go visit your mistress. Instead of manning up to your responsibility as the father of four young boys and the "Law(d)fully wedded husband" of your wife, who has worked hard to promote your career for close to two decades, you miserable bastard.

You need a come-uppance, man, because you're too fucking arrogant by half. King David, my ass. ESAD, you slavering fuckwit.

Stumble It!