Politics: Trailer Trash

Thanks to pain and meds, posting is light today, but I just had to share this with you.

Levi Johnson, erstwhile babydaddy to Sarah Palin's daughter, is now on Tyra Banks' show telling the troof about that hot unholy mess. Now, La Casa de Los Gatos very very rarely pays attention to the hoohaw and foofaraw involving celebrities, and Mrs. Palin, who has the IQ of a root vegetable, falls into the category of celebrity, rather than "political entity."

So mostly we've avoided slinging snark at the silly bitch. Gawd knows she's plenty capable of shooting both feet into Swiss cheese without help.

But this has gone far enough. She trashed all us city-dwellers with her "small-town values" crap. She insinuated that even the hypocritical HolyBook bashers of McCain's campaign weren't good enough for her to pray with. Pretty nervy for a follower of Jesus, eh? Jesus prayed with prostitutes and publicans, thieves and outcastes, Romans (enemies of the Jewish people), Samaritans, beggars, and smelly, uneducated fishermen, for cryin' out. Apparently a class of people not good enough for our girl Sairy Failin'.

She flapped her gob about abstinence-ONLY sex education (miseducation, rather) and continues to yawp endlessly about how she's "pro-life," when what she really means is, any slut who opens her legs had better be punished, and her children, if any, with her, by having to feed, school, and care for said children without the tools, or with inadequate tools.

Well, I've had enough of Miss Holier-than-thou. Hey, Sairy, we're not all stupid dumbfucks with a limited attention span, like you, OK? We know quite well that you "eloped" with Todd, and your first child was one of those "early" babies, you know, born a mere eight months after Todd put the cigar band on your finger (but probably a little over nine months after he popped yer cherry.

Well, now we find that Sairy Failin's "small-town values" include letting your underage teenage daughter shack up with her boyfriend under your own roof. Interesting thing about that, Sairy, is most of my fellow urbanites did not elope into a shotgun marriage. Sure, they had sex, but they also had sex education, and chose not to rush into a marriage based on the presence of an unplanned infant. And most of my urban contemporaries don't believe their underage daughters should be shacking up with their boyfriends. In fact, I don't know a single parent of a teenage daughter who allows the boyfriend to sleep over in the daughter's bedroom.

A bit too wholesome for your taste, huh? Welp, now the wedding's been called off, Bristol has a sprog screaming down the house, and her ex-almost-MiL, a known meth dealer, is arguing that her son should have a share in raising his child.

Levi? You don't know what you're getting into. Get a DNA test, kid. For all you know, that kid is someone else's. After all, according to (dubious) sources, your ex had quite the reputation as a party girl.

In other thrilling Paiin news, Paiin's sister-in-law Diane was recently busted on burglary charges, for breaking into someone's home for the second time in a row to steal money. The cherry on this particular cake? She took her four-year-old daughter with her and left the kid outside in the car. Sweet Christ!

Holy Mother of God, is this what small-town values means? Is this what John McCain means by "country first"? Oh, wait, Undeniable Liberal over at WTF Is It Now? corrects me on what McPain meant.

In other news, after rushing to distance herself from corrupt windbag and felon Ted Stevens, former Senator of Alaska, Sairy Failin' wants Stevens back at his post, taking huge bribes and building roads and bridges to nowhere.

I don't know what John McCain was thinking, bringing this sleazy grifter and her trailer-trash friends and relatives into the spotlight, but their fifteen minutes is like, SO up. Please, you thieving, lying, ass-shaking, makeup-slathering, clothes-stealing, money-grubbing, tasteless, senseless bunch of fools, just step off the national stage. Get the hell outa Dodge, yaknow? Because I canNOT take this anymore.

I don't even dare to ask what next. With this crowd, it'll be our joint and sundry worst fucking national nightmare, I swear.

Stumble It!