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Monday, January 05, 2009

No Shortage of Teh Stupid

in this world. Oy vey. An Australian woman apparently decided to set her husband's penis on fire because she suspected him of sleeping with another woman.

Hello? Thanks to Lorena Bobbit, most of us are well aware that women from Third World countries are nowhere near as demure and easily dominated as Western men in search of mail-order brides think they are, but girlfriend? Was this necessary?

Sure, if you think your schweetie is schtupping someone else you can get kinda crazy, but seriously. That's the time to take a long walk until the fire in your brain goes out and you can think without "KILL!" appearing in big red letters in front of your eyes every ten seconds. If nothing else, think about your children. You made the mistake of marrying a serial schtupper, figure out how to fix the mistake without causing unnecessary grief and pain for your children.

I mean, seriously. If it's wrong for a man to break his girfriend's jaw because she's schtupping his best friend, it's just as wrong for a woman to set her boyfriend's dick on fire because he's schtupping her, I dunno, hairdresser. Or sister, even.

Plus, like, you killed him, yaknow? What's that about, ya dimbulb? She's got three kids with the guy and she kills him because he's screwing around? Listen, sister, if yer old man is screwing around, divorce the sonofabitch and keep the house and a big chunk of his income. You know, like Robin Williams says, divorce is "from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Between child support and alimony, he won't be able to keep the girlfriend happy.

Better yet, have an amicable divorce and walk away. Let him have his girlfriend. You find yourself someone else. Everybody's happy, most importantly the goddamn kids, because you know, this way, their daddy's kacked, YOU're the one who kacked him, and you'll probably spend a lot of time in jail. How's this helping the children?

But no, you, you rocket scientist, you had to pour methylated spirit all over his dick while he slept, and then set fire to him. The poor bastard suffered burns to 85 per cent of his body and died slowly and painfully in hospital 20 days later.

That's bad enough, but what does Mrs. Dim Bulb then do? She tells her neighbours that she only wanted to burn her husband's penis
"so it belongs to me and no one else," prosecutors claimed.


"It's just his penis I wanted to burn, I didn't mean this to happen," the Adelaide Advertiser quoted her as saying.
Jumpin' Jehosophat, woman, his penis belongs to him, not you, and not his goddamned girlfriend. And if you'd kept your mouth shut, at least some lawyer could have done something for your kids. Even if you don't care about anyone else, could you show some interest in your kids here?

And they say arranged marriages are the best. Whaddya wanna bet Mrs. Dim Bulb's marriage to Mr. Dim Bulb was arranged by their parents?

Oh, and hey, Mr. Dim Bulb, you're dead, and all, so I reckon I should refrain from thwapping you upside teh head with the Casa de Los Gatos Trademarked Golden Bat o'Clue, but you sure as hell were stupid fella. You're not some Western bride-buyer, you know damn well you should not be messing around on your wife or she will cut your nuts off. Why, it's practically a family tradition in some parts of the world. Fuck around on wife? Get your nuts removed.

So which head were you thinking with, that you actually closed your eyes and slept in the marital bed and the marital house? Like any sensible Indian man should do, if you're screwing around on the wifey-poo, for Christ's sake, sleep in the girlfriend's house, dammit. Or in a separate bedroom from wifey-poo. Preferably one with a strong door and a good lock that you keep firmly locked and bolted. And if you weren't schtupping someone else, then a pox upon ye for not sorting that out with your woman.

What kind of man creates this kind of golmal with three children in the house? You don't love your wife, divorce her. Hella lot better than ending up dead with the wife in jail and the kids being raised by relatives. Not to mention some furious neighbours who lost their house too in the ensuing inferno. Idiot.

In additional proof that Teh Cup of Teh Stupid Runneth Over, the Newport News is reporting that the recent drop in fuel prices is going to have an effect on truck and SUV sales — they will outsell cars for the first time since February. Manufacturers are, apparently, offering huge discounts, and teh stupid are rushing to buy. Listen, idiots: First off, please publicly identify yourselves with, I dunno, a BIG RED "S" for Stupid carved into your forehead. Then line up for a good thwack with the Trademarked Bat o'Clue. Because those gas prices will stay low only as long as consumption of gasoline stays low.

Once y'all start driving your Stupidmobiles, aka Suburban Assault Vehicles, in any number, you'll increase the rate of gasoline consumption, at which point, obeying the Laws of Supply and Demand, producers will raise the prices once more while you sit your fat ass in your latest metal behemoth of Stupid and yawp about how high gas prices are and it ain't right and there oughta be a LAAAAW!

There sure as fuck oughta — against Teh Stupid, and moreover, against self-replication by Teh Stupid.

Least, and also last, Gee Dumbya's Daddums, Gee Hell Dumbya, is actually flapping his gums about how his other worthless lump of flesh (or progeny if you prefer) deserves a shot at the Presidency.

Say fucking WHAT? Hello, are we talking about the dickhead who made all that fuss and bother about Terri Schiavo that caused thousands of otherwise ignorant apathetic and plain flat-out inattentive Americans to rush to get DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) provisions inserted in their Living Wills? The same fuckwit who is tied in to the belly-up death of Lehman Bros? Brother of the current Idiot 'n Thief and also of the other two criminals bearing the same last name? Let's see, one of those was tied to the death of Silverado S&L and the other was flogging some bogoid cheap-shit software that purported to "help kids learn" but in reality got a toehold in the public school system at enormous cost to us taxpayers through the "No Child's Bankbook Left Behind" act?

Is Shrub the Elder totally senile or only half in the toilet? Because, Daddums, your upper story is Gone, Baby, Gone if you think the natives will put up with any more of your vile and corrupt descendants in close proximity to the Treasury. Shit, it's gonna take at least a decade to clean up the crap your last cumwad got us in to.

Geez, is this whole family fucking delusional, or what?

From the article:
"I'd like to see him run. I'd like to see him be president some day," Bush the elder said.

The 41st president admitted, however, that there have probably been too many Bushes in the White House lately.
No shit, Sherlock. One was already one too many. Take the rest of your evil spawn to Paraguay and rot quietly in the jungle somewhere, why don't you? Yeesh. The thought of Jeb, who looks like he just stepped off the set of Deliverance, anywhere near the white house is enough to make me puke. Isn't he already in his sixties? In eight years' time, hopefully, he'll suffer from the same senile dementia now affecting both of his revolting parents.

In the meantime? People, please, P L E E Z don't forget who this SpoogeCustard is, and what he's done to the state of Florida, and what his brother and father have done to the US. If you can find it in your heart to elect that worthless wad of hair'nfat, well, hey. It's SO over.

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Stumble It!


At 6:34 PM, Blogger NinaOdell said...

Frank Zappa did a tune called burnt weenie sandwich years ago.

I got nothing after that thought. Absolute gem of a post and I thank you.

At 7:17 PM, Blogger ThePoliticalCat said...

As a total Zappa fan, I appreciate the little Zap of Zappaism, although I think "Agency Man" sure suits teh Bushies better. Don't you?

At 11:28 PM, Blogger Gilbert Mercier said...

Fantastic post,and I would add a great distraction from the Gaza nightmare.

At 8:24 PM, Blogger nunya said...

"Geez, is this whole family fucking delusional, or what?"

You really asked that?

At 2:08 PM, Blogger ThePoliticalCat said...

Forgive me. It was rhetorical. But, disirregardless ... I'll never do it again.


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