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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Politics: Satan Indicted, Part Two

As we noted yesterday, Dick "Satan" Cheney and Alberto Gonezales were indicted, which news brought dances of joy throughout the nation.

Blogging buddy and commenter ConnecticutMan1 points out that there's more to the story, and thank'ee kindly, fella.

The Brownsville Herald has the details. For those who can't be bothered to click the link, the gist of the story is that one Juan Angel Guerra, District Attorney for Willacy County, Texas, apparently has bigger balls than most of our other officials, elected or appointed, who have watched Satan and his puppet Dumbya McDrunkerson destroy this country for the past eight years.

Five other officials were also indicted, all high-level officeholders in Texas. According to the Herald, Cheney has about $85 million invested in Vanguard alone. Yaknow, there was a time when Dick Cheney drove his family around in a second-hand VW Beetle. And we can't find any record of him making brilliant financial decisions while he was head of Halliburton. Although there's plenty of evidence that Halliburton lost money while he was at the helm.

Nowadays, by some mysterious process not entirely clear to us, Satan's favoured child apparently has huge amounts of money to invest in various companies. Because you just know that ol' Dick, like most investors, heeds the good advice of financial mavens and does not keep all his eggs in the single basket of Vanguard.

The article goes on to state that our esteemed Vice president "is charged with exerting pressure on how much prisons are paid to house detainees." Interesting. A conflict, in fact, of interesting. After all, if you're the Veep and you weigh in on an issue like this, is there anyone who will actively oppose you? Or blow a whistle? Especially when they know that your father is the Devil himself?

Interestingly, one of the other entities indicted by the Willacy County Grand Jury is a corporation known as GEO. GEO is one of the private companies that run prisons for a profit. Apparently, prisoners have died in prisons run by the GEO Corporation. No surprise there, since a private corporation is, naturally, more interested in low costs and high profits than in keeping the people under its control safe, healthy, or even alive.

Over at HuffPo, writer David Latt asks if Cheney will escape prosecution via a Presidential pardon (now, don't get upset just yet) and then resurrects our hopes by pointing out that the Spawn of Shaitan has not yet been convicted, merely indicted. Even a president as ignorant and uncaring as Dim Son cannot pardon someone who has not been convicted.

Now, as we all learned in law school, a good prosecutor with a grand jury as his tool can indict a ham sandwich. Satan's Porker Dick is a little more than a ham sandwich, however, and will no doubt seek to slither out of that long-hoped for confinement in Guantanamo with matching orange jumpsuit and shackles. Either that or he'll rip off his human disguise and be revealed as some reptilian lifeform, like V or something. Oh, yes, and the judge has yet to sign the indictment before the prosecutor can serve it upon Satan's Own Child.

Image from The Onion

The prosecutor in this case is about to leave office soon. Let's hope a judge signs and the order is served upon Shaitan II on 21 January or very shortly thereafter. Perhaps someone else would consider taking up this issue? Congress? Anybody?

Note: Will Bunch, over at Attytood, says this indictment ain't gonna put Satan's Favourite Son in jail anytime soon. (Google it. He's never heard of our tiny little blog with its three readers.) Will, you really know how to shatter a person's dreams, don'tcha?

But Will does have an excellent article up on the prison in Texas that's behind this indictment. Read it if you have even a trace of human feeling or sympathy for the undocumented workers who might have cleaned your home or church, or kept your garden healthy and beautiful, or served your food, or picked your fruit and vegetables. Guantanamo is terrible, Abu Ghraib is a burning sore on our collective conscience, but most people don't even know what our paid officials are doing to people right under our noses.

Image from codshit

So, even if Iblis Himself doesn't end up in a nice fall-coloured piece of clothing paid for by teh taxpayer, a person can (and should) always hope and plan and work to have the miserable son of a turtle indicted for at least a few of the many, many crimes he has committed.

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At 6:47 PM, Blogger Mr.Natural said...

Personally, I hope he is left dead or dying in the street in front of his mother's house as he has left so many...nice blog ya got here!

At 8:28 PM, Blogger ThePoliticalCat said...

Thanks, Mr. Natural! Come by any time.

At 9:55 PM, Blogger BadTux said...

Actually, the President has unlimited pardon power and can pardon a ham sandwich, even if said ham sandwich has not been convicted or even indicted yet. That was settled back in 1866, when the Supremes danced on Ex parte Garland. That's why Gerald Ford could pardon Nixon even though Nixon hadn't been convicted of anything yet.

- Badtux the Law Penguin

At 9:57 PM, Blogger BadTux said...

Oh yeah, the real question is whether Dear Leader is going to resign immediately after signing the pardon for Darth Cheney and then let President Cheney pardon *him*...

- Badtux the Ass-coverin' Penguin

At 5:44 PM, Blogger ThePoliticalCat said...

Bad, Bad, BadTux. You know what really stumps me? How come that fat creep Cheney with his funky ticker and his terrible food habits (salts each piece of high-fat meat before eating it, and new instruments had to be designed to measure HIS blood pressure) is still even alive, when better folk drop dead by the hour.

I'm researching the pardon issue.


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