Politics:YARS

Every week we come across one, two, or more stories about Republicans in high office behaving in ways that they themselves loudly deplore as morally reprehensible. La Casa de Los Gatos would like to take this opportunity to state, unequivocally, that we believe human sexuality to be a wonderful, many-faceted thing. As long as it involves consensual interchange between adults, we personally do not care what the hell people get up to.

But the loud screeches and howls from the Republican side of the fence give us an extra frisson of amusement when they are made against "alternative" sexualities &mdash gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, interracial, whatever. Because not a week goes by but yet another hitherto tight-arsed buttwad of a Republican authority figure takes a hilarious tumble, being revealed as someone with a penchant for anal sex, or pedophilia, or bizarre fetishes of some sort.

Thus we say to our Republican brethren, stick a cork in it already, and clean out your own Augean stables. Geesh. Can't you control the cross-dressers and poop-lovers in your own fucking closets? Quit shrieking like hysterical harpies about gay marriage and start rooting out the rent-boys in your own backyard, fer crisake. Mote, beam, eye, all that biblical stuff, yaknow?

Because this week's line-up - look at these guys! If you didn't know better, you'd swear some gay activists had infiltrated the Republican ranks and planted each and every one of these fellas just for the mirth it would engender.

Here we give you:

• Judge &mdash yes, that's right, a federal judge, no less, appointed by your very own Pretzelnitwit Chimpy McDunce &mdash Robert Somma, of Boston, who decided to go barhopping &mdash make that barwhoring &mdash in a cocktail dress with fishnet stockings and high heels, while his wife was out of town.
  
  Incidentally, his spokesweasel snivels into a large Walrus-and-the-Carpenterian handkerchief that the judge will, as a result of his sartorial malfeasance, be left "without a pension." Given the numbers of average yobs who have neither health care nor pension benefits, while making less than the esteemed judge's six-figure or more salary, we find we can't wring a single tear out of our ducts. We'd also like to point out that the stupid son-of-a-turtle was driving DRUNK, goddammit, and as a lawyer and judge he really fucking ought to know better! Fortunately, he didn't kill or injure anyone this time. Okay, the sight of his unpleasant mug in blue eyeshadow didn't do doodly-squat for our appetite, but we'll live.
  
  
• District Attorney Chuck Rosenthal of Harris County, Texas, who was discovered to have a multitude of pornographic and racist emails on his work computer.
  
  Rosenthal had the gall to blame prescription drugs for his misbehaviour &mdash whatever happened to "personal responsibility"? Or is that only for non-Republicans? He also opined that "stupidity" was not grounds for quitting, completely ignoring charges of incompetence, misconduct, and drinking on the job. Incidentally, Rosenthal is the same beacon of integrity who destroyed thousands of emails related to a suit against the Sheriff's department, and managed to get arson charges against Justice David Medina and his wife dismissed, despite the fact that the grand jury in the case sued for the right to reveal evidence that they believed implicated Medina. According to sources cited in this post, Rosenthal has sent more people to their death than any other such office in the country.
  
  
• Robert A. McKee of Maryland, a State legislator, who resigned after a search of his home revealed possible child pornography.
  
  Delegate McKee prefers to characterize the relevant material as "images that are available on the Internet." Sheesh, fella, there's all kinds of "images ... available on the internet," and most of them you wouldn't want your aunt Dottie to see! McKee resigned his post as executive director of Big Brothers (holy mother of god, who let this dog into THAT kennel?) and we sure hope he is no longer involved with the various children's athletic teams that are described in the Washington Post's article. McKee is, apparently, a former chaplain and a church leader. Holy quacking duckshit. He has entered rehabracadabra.

We're not even going to, er, touch upon such shining stars of the Republican firmament as Mark Foley, Jeff Gannon or Jim Guckert or whatever he's calling himself these days, David "Shitty Vitty" Vitter, Randy "Duke" Cunningham, Matthew Joseph Elliot, Jack Abramoff, Rudy "Cross-Dresser" Giuliani and his friends Bernard Kerik and Monsignor Alan "Protecting Child Molesters" Placa, or Al Zimmerman.

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