Politics: Official: Military Broken

Feel safer yet, people? Those of you responsible for electing Chimpy McDrunktard to power owe the rest of us - and the whole goddamned world - a fucking apology. Because you pathetic bedwetters were terrified out of your puny minds thanks to the tactics of Snarly McCrashcart and Pasty SlimeFingers, you failed to notice that this gang of crooks was using questionable tactics against yourselves, your fellow citizens, and the rest of the world.

You turned a blind eye as they ignored the true nature of the terror that brought this mighty nation to its knees and left it cowering under the covers for seven years. You ignored the fact that the majority of the terrorists who blew up the Twin Towers came from the same country that your Pretzeldunce flies to regularly, where he kisses the ruling family's royal arses. You believed the Idiot Boy when he told you to line up and throw your children, friends, neighbours, fellow citizens, or yourselves into a meatgrinder. You gave away your - and our - civil rights. You gave away everybody's human rights. You handed him your wallet, your ATM card and PIN number, and the keys to the house and car.

Well, Mr. Bring-It-On has one last arse-rogering for you. Better hope you've got lube, 'cause he sure as fuck won't be bringing any.


Raw Story tells us that the Commission on the National Guard and Reserves has issued a 400-page report essentially saying:

... that the nation "does not have sufficient trained, ready forces available" to respond to a chemical, biological or nuclear weapons incident, "an appalling gap that places the nation and its citizens at greater risk."

"Right now we don't have the forces we need, we don't have them trained, we don't have the equipment," commission Chairman Arnold Punaro said in an interview with The Associated Press. "Even though there is a lot going on in this area, we need to do a lot more. ... There's a lot of things in the pipeline, but in the world we live in — you're either ready or you're not."

The report adds that nearly a year ago, 88 percent of units were not combat-ready, and today that number is lower still.

So what the fuck happened to all the troop-supportin' war-lovin' and taxpayer-money-redistributin' that was going on? Where the fuck is our money and why was it not used to ensure that our troops are ready to protect our lives and our nation? Seems like we had plenty of money to give to Dumbass McChimperson's friends and family. Seems like we bought defective pumps for New Orleans with some of that fine taxpayer money from Dumbass' brother Jeb; and bogoid worthless "learning materials" from another brother Neal. Seems like a little of that TWO TRILLION FUCKING DOLLARS that we just threw down the bowlhole called Iraq might have been spent on military preparedness. You know, given 9/11 and all.

Punaro, a retired Marine Corps major general, had sharp criticism for Northern Command, saying that commanders there have made little progress developing detailed response plans for attacks against the homeland.

"NorthCom has got to get religion in this area," said Punaro. He said the military needs to avoid "pickup game" type responses, such as the much-criticized federal reaction to Hurricane Katrina, and put in place the kind of detailed plans that exist for virtually any international crisis.

No shit, sir. You tell 'em. Jeebus, what a pathetic buncha stiffs.

We realized just what a huge boondoggle The Idiotard and his myrmidons and the Republican Party Enablers had pulled on us when Hurricane Katrina hit NOLA. We remember the images, and we were stunned. We knew then that a government that could not even muster a half-assed response to a known, predicted, and defined disaster would need help keeping their own goddamned family jewels safe, much less the nation.


And what, precisely, comprises Stupie McTardibus' response to the news that the military is fucking broken? This. That's right. The Idiot-in-Chief, instead of coming up with a plan to fix what's broken, is, like any chimp, hooting and hollering and jumping up and down in the hope that the sight of his flaccid ballsack and crimson behind will distract potential threateners.

What a fucking idiot. No, really. What a thumpingly unreclaimable hopeless, useless fool. He's afraid that withdrawing troops from Iraq will cause Iran to think the U.S. is a paper tiger. Holy quacking duckshit, you fool. Who cares what anyone thinks? Not only are Americans being killed and injured in Iraq, but, Mister "we're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here," our capacity to fight them ANYfuckingwhere is pretty much gone. More than 88 per cent - in plain English, Mr. Stupidous Chimperiffer, that means MOST - of the army reserves and the national guard are incapable, in their present state, of repelling an attack over fucking here.

The pathetic lying, lazy, drunken fool went on to flap his gums:

"You know, a lot of folks say, well, what's next, Mister President?"

Bullshit. We don't believe any "folks" is saying that no more. Based on your tanking poll ratings, we believe a lot of folks are saying, "Please God, how many days before this pathetic fool is back in Crawford clearing brush or whatever the fuck the useless turd does on his vacations? Where's my goddamn Bush Countdown Clock?" That's what "a lot of folks" are saying.

Yep. The Fuckwit-in-Chief, in a pathetic attempt to create a legacy other than the one of stark, staring, dismal FAILURE that is hovering over him right now, decided the way to pull the thrashing stock market out of its feebly flailing funk is - to cut Medicare! Huge cuts, at that. He is going to disembowel Medicare and Medicaid, try to make his tax cuts for the super-wealthy permanent, and keep the military in Iraq, slowly bleeding and dying.

And, even as Doofus O'Disaster is wrecking everything around him, he's proposing to charge Congress $200 for each copy of his (traditionally free) budget. We don't think this move will make enough to constitute a tax rebate for a single citizen.

Meanwhile, back in the nation where Osama bin Laden has been hiding for the past seven fucking years, things are slipping out of control, says Auntie Beeb. A suicide bomber has killed the governor of Helmand province in Afghanistan. A woman politician points out that the Afghani government is doing nothing to protect women (or politicians, for that matter) from routine death threats (which, given the current state of the recently-departed governor of Helmand, ought to be taken seriously). Canada is threatening to pull its troops out of Afghanistan. And the Afghani Senate that we are paying for has sentenced to death a young man who "humiliated Islam" by printing out and circulating an article that was apparently written by other Muslims who questioned the Prophet Muhammad's respect for the rights of women. The Guardian, unlike our own media lapdogs, reveals that the arrest of the person in question is an attempt to silence his brother, also a journalist, who has exposed some of the slavery and sexual abuse common to powerful Afghani warlords.

Is it any surprise that the maelstrom of turd created by the Turdibus Chimperor is causing more U.S. military personnel to take their lives than every before? Suicide rates in the military are the highest that they have been for a quarter of a century. Isn't it bad enough that the Idiotard is killing them, now he's treating them so badly that they're killing themselves. In an aside, we should add that the military has generously agreed NOT to prosecute Lt. Elizabeth Whiteside for attempting to kill herself.

If we didn't think more could be attributed to human greed and frailty than to malice, we would suspect Mister Fucknuts of being an agent of Osama bin Laden. Or part of a plot by Arab sheikhs to destroy the United States. Because that's the only thing the pathetic little turd has had any success in doing to date.

A PDF of the report is available here.

A parting of the hair with the Golden Bat o'Clue for all the idiots and bozos who dragged us, screaming and kicking, into the massive malfeasance and impending collapse that we face today.

Stumble It!