Politics: The Republican Candidates

Holy moly, whatta buncha losers. Let's inspect the cattle of the cattle call. What do we know about these people?

Mike Huckabee - governor of Arkansas, a benighted state if ever there was. To the far right of Attila the Hun, judging from information available at On The Issues. A brief summary: No reproductive rights, compares abortion to slavery, no consensus on the issue, no stem-cell research. He wants to get rid of the IRS (how will Government, military, etc., be supported?) and DHS. No civil rights for any minority. Pro-Israel, aggressive foreign policy. The only pluses I can find for this guy: (1) some pro-environment credentials (Athenae over at First Draft thinks NOT) and (2) he seems to want energy independence. Otherwise, he's a bible-thumping huckster with all the charm of a snake-oil salseman who wants to get his nose into every woman's panty drawer.

Rudy Giulani - former mayor of NYC. Grandiose, delusional, philandering, multiply-married transvestite liar with ties to the mob. Appointed close friend Bernard Kerik commissioner of NYPD. Kerik is currently under indictment for mail fraud, wire fraud, and other ethics issues. Employs Monsignor Alan Placa, who a grand jury report found to be involved in child sexual abuse and covering up other priests who had comitted child sexual abuse. Used the NYPD as a taxi service to chauffeur his mistress around town (while still very publicly married); and as dog-walkers for his mistress. Public funds were used for this purpose. He also took a security detail with him to various trysts with his mistress, on the taxpayer's dime, and had the NYPD chauffeur her friends around. Just the kind of guy I'd trust with the Treasury. NOT.

Willard "Mitt" Romney - member of a cult that is almost as wacky as Scientology, but more pro-corporate. No, wait, he's more than just a MEMBER. He's the Mormon equivalent of a Catholic bishop. See Jesus' General for the full story and the usual trenchant analysis. Mitty is beyond belief. First off, what grown adult person uses a nickname? Secondly, WHAT a fucking nickname! If I had a nick like "glove," I'd change it right quick. What's wrong, Willard, wouldn't Will work just as well for you? Third, this guy doesn't have the first clue about anything but pandering. At present, some 60+ per cent of the American people do not support the war in Iraq, and approximately the same number do not support Guantanamo. Yet Mitty wants to double Guantanamo. He thinks his sons' riding about America trying to get daddy elected Prez is exactly like what soldiers are doing putting their lives on the line in Iraq and Afghanistan. And, on top of everything else, he's a psychopath. Anyone who can treat a dog the way Mitt Romney treated his does not deserve a position of power. Plus, what's with kissing the asses of the G.H.W. Bushes? And the Barbie wife?

Fred Thompson - is this guy for real? First off, he sounds like he's on the verge of falling asleep. That'll win the youth vote, fersure. Then he's got the obligatory blonde trophy wife who's like, what, a quarter century younger than him? Women voters are not going to like that much. Add to that the fact that he's spent most of his life working in Washington, D.C., or Hollywood, CA. - neither of them exactly fitting the "small-town, folksy" image he tries to project with his bogus truck-drivin' (see Glenn Greenwald for an excellent analysis of the Mighty Bogue of Freddie T); and that he's been a lobbyist for some causes (like abortion rights) that your average fundie would scream hysterically about. I foresee a quick exit from the stage, and soon.

Duncan Hunter - he's tied to Duke Cunningham, okay? 'Nuff said. He might be following in Teh Duke's footsteps, like his friend Jerry Lewis.

Alan Keyes - the perennial Black Republican candidate. One of only a hundred or so, it's an exclusive club. The less said about this wacko bigoted homophobe godbag "family values don't include my lesbian daughter" nutjob, the better.

Tom Tancredo - the nutjob's nutjob. A mean, nasty, tyrannical, cheating, lying - oh, yeah, that would describe all the candidates. Never mind. To quote Slate magazine,

A cynic might wonder whether Tancredo's proposal to take out the two holiest sites in Islam is a pathetic bid for attention by a candidate whose support among Republican voters is stuck at 1 percent, below Texas Rep. Ron Paul, former Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson, and Kansas Sen. Sam Brownback.

Since Brownback and T. Thompson have dropped out of the race, one can only hope that virulent nutbag and worm impersonator Tancredo will soon do the same.

John McCain - it says a lot for the sorry state of the candidates that John McCain (whom I once greatly respected, but who has turned into the worst kind of whore, pandering to everybody, and even kissing up to the man responsible for the vicious attacks on McCain's family) is the sanest and most palatable of the candidates. At least he's not mean and borderline psychopathic like most of the others. Praising, as it were, with faint damns.

Ron Paul - We here at TPC don't agree with many of Paul's positions. However, we emphatically do not agree with the corporate paymasters of the media trying to block this, or any other, candidate. The people vote for their president, not the lobbyists, not the corporations, not the media. We're happy to see Paul doing so well with the people. We do confess to agreeing with some of his positions, but his stance on civil rights and women's reproductive rights is a dealbreaker. Check out his stated positions and decide for yourself. Pluses: he's not a screaming homophobe, like so many of the other candidates; no major scandals apparent; pro-Constitution; ACLU gives him a 67 per cent rating, so his voting record on civil rights is mixed. He's no Strom Thurmond. Anti-death penalty. Pro-medical marijuana. Cognizant of the discriminatory effect on minorities of current drug legislation. So, overall, a mixed bag.

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