Politics: Republicans Wish NOLA Would Quit Whining

Photograph courtesy of Reuters

No, really. They do. Because, you see, as Republican spokesweasel Jim Ellison of Oregon says, "We already do enough for New Orleans." Y'all hear that, New Orleans? Be sure to check that with your Governor and the other fine Republicans y'all elected to high office.

You can watch him say so on CSPAN, here:

"The fact is," said Ellison, "hurricanes happen. We didn't stop anything for Florida, and New Orleans has certainly been through it. President Bush in his wisdom has put qualified FEMA people in place. They're ready for it."

Ellison continued, "I don't think we should have interfered with our convention because we already do a lot for the people of New Orleans."

So? Whaddya think? Is this guy fucking crazy, stone ignorant, deluded as fuck-all, or on REALLY good meds?

Damn, Oregon, where did you find this walking bag of doggy do?

On the other hand, he kind of has a point, yaknow? Without the Republicans, there would be at least 2,000 more people in NOLA, requiring, oh, let's see, food, housing, health care, social services ... instead of which, we can have a certifiable looneytune Exorcist for Governor and a diaper-wearing, prostitute-schtupping, criminal for a Senator ... decisions, decisions.

On a related note, we're pleased that Gustav appears to have avoided NOLA, mostly, although AP is reporting that about 1 million people are without power. Bloomberg says insured losses will run to $10 billion.

In other news, Governor Goodhair of Texas (Rick Perry) used Gustav as a fortuitous excuse to duck the Republican convention, and who can blame him? Jor Jee and Dick "the dick" Cheney had previously announced that they will not attend, having "other priorities." Governor Arnold "steroid microdick" of California had to use a different excuse (the budget), but other Gulf Coast governors were happy to go along with Goodhair - Charlie Crist of Florida, Bob Riley of Alabama, and Haley Barbour of Mississippi joined Governor Goodhair in greeting conventioneers via taped messages.

Bobby Jindal of Louisiana was able to avoid even that, on the grounds that Gustav was liable to strike his state the hardest. Cindy McCain then proceeded to render the audience, composed largely of lobbyists and volunteers, immobile with her basilisk stare. A not-so-good time was apparently had by all.


Meanwhile, Sammy Hagar was trying to raise funds for NOLA over at the Republican Convention (SAY WHAT??? We thought those lying motherfuckers said they were canceling the convention!), but apparently the Republican conventioneers, delegates, journalists, and lobbyists (damn! They let lobbyists in? Will wonders never cease?) agree with Jim Ellison. Either that, or they're too fucking cheap to shell out a few shekels. Tough luck, Sammy. Ya need to start playing for a better class of customer, dude.

Here's hoping all is well in NOLA and the rest of the Gulf Coast for beasties of the two-leg and four-leg variety. Hope y'all get your power back soon. Meanwhile, try to stay dry and avoid watching the Republican convention — you can't afford an aneurysm when transportation is difficult.

As for you wonderful Republican friends, may we leave you with a tribute from Frank Zappa? It's called:

Cocksucker's Ball

Hey, this is for all the Republicans in the audience!

Cock-sucker Tammy get your mother fuckin' dammy
We're goin' downtown to the Cock-Suckers' Ball
Fuck, suck an' fight
'Till beginnin' of the broad daylight
We don't need no
Goddam taxi here
We're gonna trim them holes in a
Rockin'-chair
Take off all the rags
We're gonna play a little game
Called tag
Tomorrow night at the Rock Cock-Suckers' Ball

Come on you moe-ass singers and you
Mick dick slingers
We're goin' downtown to the Cock-Suckers' Ball
Fuck, suck an' fight
'Till beginnin' of the broad daylight
We don't need no
Goddam taxi here
We're gonna trim them holes in a
Rockin'-chair
Take off all the rags
We're gonna play a little game
Called tag
Tomorrow night at the Rock Cock-Suckers' Ball
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Tomorrow night at the Rock Cock-Suckers' Ball!

Thank you, you're too kind!

(Copyright Frank Zappa)

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